O month X day, rainy On the day that they were newly wed, he shone with a radiance that made him comparable to a bud that bloomed after a shower.How I wanted to wish him happiness, if I could have done it with a truthful heart....Still, I kept quiet; what was there to tell him? I-- in his heart there wasn't a place for me. Maybe I'm not worthy to even speak of it...Even though my heart and my everything have belonged to him.........No, I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy to use this word "own"; I'm not even worthy enough to "give".What can a person like me do? I hate him, this radiantly beautiful angel.
O month X day, cloudy I... Couldn't face him.I thought it would be okay originally, I thought I had healed, but...So, I'm really this weak.There is a surge of impulse to rush forward that screams in my heart like there is no tomorrow everytime he smiles at me; this voice almost shatters my sanity and my decision -- one by one.Therefore, I still can't face him.
O month X day, sunny Today's weather had been so nice, it finally was sunny.But, my heart hadn't felt the least bit of warmth....So lonely, so melancholic... That voice kept on calling me, I couldn't resist and I couldn't say "I don't care about his smile towards everyone else at all!"! I... Can't admit the fact that he will never belong to me...I'm so fragile......So scared, I'm scared that I will deteriorate...!
O month X day, sunny Once again it's sunny, he seemed to be happy; having a date with his wife.I could only wish them happiness.Like this...... With their shadows lingering in front of my eyes......The truth is, I don't bear any grudge against her.But, I hate her, because she owns his everything, while robbing away all of my dreams.He even asked me if I was sick..... What with my face being pale, but.....! Does he know that I'm unable to voice the bitterness in me?
O month X day, rainy How I wished to have a happy ending.Everytime I dreamt of this, my heart grew so cheerful and my world always bloomed with shimmering flowers.I really wished that there will be such an ending.But, I think I'm going to be insane.Everytime I see his lone shadow, I want to hold him and kiss him, to let everything of his belong to me while destroying all of them one by one...I can't do it now, but, I would rather hurt him than let myself be hurt again....I've taken enough..............
O month X day, cloudy Finally it's cloudy again.My heart is fucked up. I... I'm a fallen angel, the messenger of the devil........No, I'm just a sinful human.I wanted to own his everything, so I...I ignored of his resistance, I ignored that plead in his eyes while commiting the act that let me fall into the deepest of chasms, until I couldn't save myself, couldn't feel remorse, even though I've already regretted......When I left, he was crying, his frail body pooling in that beautifully shameless liquid. Blood red, exactly the symbol of sin, while pain was my punishment.Pathetic, I'm really pathetic.....Even though it is cloudy, my heart is snowing, snow dyes everything a pale white, turning everything blurred and meaningless.
O month X day, rainy Overflowing rain hit onto my face, I walked home step by step like this.Today, he spoke to me, he finally spoke to me,But, his toneis so cold, the love that used to exist for me had already vanished into thin air....I wanna die......No, I wanna kill him while robbing away his everything...But, could I? Can I? Do I have the courage to?
O month X day, rainy Today, he stood at the door of my house; it seems that he had stood there for a long time. I who had gone for a movie had been surprised.There was so much that I wanted to tell him, but I doubted whether he would listen to me."Is this the way you love someone?" He asked me this, and I answered like this: "yes, because the person whom I love won't let me love him with any way." There was something that he wanted to say, although he stopped short of it. I watched him cry just like that; I couldn't grasp his shaking shoulders at all. And I too... cried.The two of us sobbed like that in the rain, but both our tears weren't created because of love....The sky was bleeding, dying everything deep red, while the raindrops which passed by watched us. I thought, at that time, there couldn't have been a rainbow after the rain; but I was wrong.
O month X day, rainy Why does it always rain recently? I've almost been choked by the raindrops."Knockknock," someone was knocking the door and I opened it. I hadn't hoped that it was him, because whatever I looked forward to never became true."Tetsu, if this is the way you love, today... Please love me." He told me this, while I only felt more questionable, even to the point of asking: "is it because you like the way that I love, hideto?"But, his answer surprised me: "no, because I had hoped to be loved by you since a long time ago.""Even if the way that I love isn't what you imagined it to be, you won't regret it?" I didn't believe."...No regrets." He didn't hesitate at all.Therefore-- once again.......... I dwelled in my sins.The torture created by my fingertips weren't the slightest bit gentle, while my love was bitter. He cried, screamed, but I also knew that this was what he wanted.....My heart was still bleeding, my world continued to be void, only this love was so strong, so strong that it made me suffocate!!I never thought that the ending would be like this.Both of my hands were holding his, while my embrace was protecting his slender body. I should have been fulfiled, but I still wanted to possess his everything, I wanted him to make up for what I went through before.Thus, I stabbed his back with the tip of a knife, just like the way I dreamed while wanting him to kill me. But, I never thought even while dreaming, that he would be with me like this, so ablaze with love together.........I asked him one last time, "do you regret being loved like this by me?"He smiled while answering, "No regrets."We held each other tighter; my blood mixed with his......we...will never seperate again, forever and ever--!
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