Xz0ner

Saturday, November 20, 1999 6:25:04 PM
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Warnings: Shounen ai.

Starring: Hyde and Tetsu

Author's notes: Thanks to Rei, I discovered that Tetsu met Hyde first… Oh~~ *^^* Then I was listening to this song (remember FF8?) I know that Hyde was a guitarist and not a vocal… well…. T_T Oh, and… Uh…. The band mates of Hyde's are made up by me… ^^;
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The loud music echoed through the clubhouse. People were screaming, shouting their favorite band's member's names. His fingers danced fleetingly across the guitar, his small form radiating great presence. He was ecstatic.

Suddenly, someone caught his eyes. A quiet form at the far side, watching him attentively. He nearly stopped, such an impact those beautiful eyes had on him. And in a second he almost forgot about what he had to do, or what he was going to do. All that existed was that boy's presence.

"Hyde!" His band mate hissed, snapping him back to reality. Some of the fans were impatient, and were looking at the direction which he had looked at, but soon these were forgotten. Once again, Hyde's fingers played on. The beautiful boy had edged his way from the crowd. Hyde saw him go, though he tried to keep all his attention focused on his guitar, he could not help but feel something missing in his heart as he lost sight of the boy.

***

The last night playing in that clubhouse, and his band would be going to Tokyo. Hyde had spent the night before resting, but no matter how hard he had relaxed, the boy's eyes floated into his mind. He could never forget the serenity in those eyes, the way he had looked at him, as if he was the only person there in the crowded clubhouse.

He wondered if that boy would be there again. He missed him, to say the least. Somehow, there was a space in his heart which had been filled when he saw him, and that space got wider when he left. He wondered if that boy had felt the same way as he did. Maybe he did, because Hyde could see something in those eyes, besides the peace, there was also a bit of sadness.

The familiar chords were played again, the familiar songs started once more, in the screams of the crowd. All the while, Hyde had been looking around, trying to catch a glimpse of the beautiful eyes which had so captivated him. But, he saw nothing.

"Thank you for your support," The vocalist said, the gratefulness cracking his voice. But at that moment, Hyde was too busy wallowing in his own thoughts to really appreciate his fans. "I'm glad to say, we'll be moving to Tokyo from now onwards. We'll miss you. But, someday, on a bigger stage, with a bigger audience, we'll meet again!"

They all smiled. Everyone was quiet.

"Hyde." His friend nudged him, and handed him the mike. He awoke from his daze, and took it with shaking hands, his eyes still searching the crowd.

"….Thank you." He whispered. It was at that moment, he saw the boy again. He was standing there, in the same spot, shortened by the height of the people around him, but he was there all right. Hyde smiled. The boy smiled too, his eyes glinting with a light. "…I hope… We'll meet again."

"We will!!" The crowd echoed. Hyde smiled at that, and handed the mike back to his friend, his eyes still on that beautiful youth. :.Does he think that way, too? Will we really meet again?.: He thought sadly, as the same old beat started again. The last time, the last song…

It ended. The boy was gone, as the crowd dispersed. Hyde slipped away from the group of fans who had not left, and told his friends that he would be gone for a while, despite their protests.

He walked around, hoping to catch sight of that boy again, but he was nowhere to be seen. Hyde sighed to himself, and stood there, alone, looking at the stars above. There was very few, and Hyde knew that soon he would be seeing none once he moved to Tokyo. Those stars reminded him of those eyes….

He did not want to go to Tokyo now. He did not know why he missed those eyes, did not know what was in those eyes which made him feel as if he was losing something. And of course he did not believe it was love. He did not love a person, could not love a person, after being hurt so much… And besides, the other person was a boy.

He sighed when he thought of that, wishing that he could magically make his feelings disappear, and to forget those eyes. He turned around, to leave. He was going to Tokyo no matter what anyway. Then he saw a still silhouette standing there, illuminated by the street lamps, as quiet and peaceful as ever.

It was that boy, Hyde's heart skipped a beat. Yes, it was those eyes, too, even under the dimly lit conditions, he could see them sparkle with their own beauty. Hyde got ready to go.

"…Great performance……" A quiet pleasant voice whispered. Hyde looked back at him, feeling a pain in his heart. He stopped short. He did not want to leave now.

"…Thanks…."

"……I hope you're happy when you go to Tokyo…"

Hyde shook his head, entranced by the melancholy in that presence. He said nothing, and both of them stood there in silence.

"……I suppose I'd better go, ne…" The boy glanced back at him the last time, as if afraid of their parting. Hyde watched him as he passed by.

"Wait," Hyde called out. "What's your name?"

"Tetsu," The boy turned around, and Hyde could see him smile.

Hyde nodded. Silence yet again.

"Nee, why aren't you with your band? They must be missing you now." He asked. Unmistakably, there was a light glowing in his soul, which Hyde could see, and wanted to touch. Tetsu looked almost as if he was dreaming of the guitarist in front of him.

"I'm just taking a walk around here," Hyde said with a smile, and walked closer to Tetsu. "So, what are you doing here too?"

"Same here," Tetsu laughed. Then, a slight blush colored his face, as he hesitated, "…Hyde, would you like to continue your walk with me?"

"Sure," Hyde replied, his expression soft and happy. There was something in this boy which so filled him to the brim. But he was also sad that he would be leaving the next day. He wished he could see more in that boy, who always looked as if the world was a dream, including he himself.

They walked some more, mostly in silence. Finally, Tetsu spoke. He talked about many things, about his band, his love for music… All these Hyde listened to attentively, and for the rest of that walk they talked about nothing else but music. Hyde had never spoken so much before, of hidden dreams and wishes….

Then the time to leave came. Hyde told Tetsu so, and the latter reluctantly waved him goodbye with a smile.

***

"Where have you been, Hyde?" His band mate asked, worriedly.

"Don't worry, Ray…." He replied reassuringly, taking his bag up. "It's not like the train is due tonight or something."

"Yes, but you had us worried. Why did you suddenly leave like that? It's not like you to do that."

"……" Hyde kept silent.

"Where have you been?" The other guitarist asked, his name was Morihiro.

"I had a stomach ache and had to rush to the toilet," He joked. Everyone rolled their eyes with a mocking smile, all of them were tired out, too tired to say anything. Only Hyde, who's mind had been elsewhere, was not aware of his own physical condition. The tiredness only served to cloud his mind.

They drove over to Ray's house, and everyone decided that they needed to get rested for the train the next day. So, there Hyde lay, while the moonlight spilled through the window, gently illuminating everything, including him—A place in his heart was beginning to show, and to hurt him again. He tossed and turned for awhile, and finally got up. He made his way to the window, trying not to wake his snoring band mates.

"Tetsu…" He whispered, his fingers trailing along the sill of the window. He tried to hide the sadness from himself, but now he knew it was too late… He could not leave just like that, not anymore. He could not bear the thought of not being able to see those eyes until after a long time…. And maybe never. A tear came to his eye, and he blinked it away. Under the beautiful moonlight, he thought of Tetsu, wondering if he was still awake as he was, or sleeping soundly. He pictured Tetsu lying under the sheets, in bed, while the moonlight gently caressed his face.

He smiled, only much sadder this time.

"But, I must leave," He whispered. His band already had the money and the accommodations carefully planned out. Besides, he had no reason to stay, his parents too, though reluctant, had agreed on his leaving.

He sighed, and went back to bed.

***

Morning. Everything was a hustle and bustle, Hyde did not have time to think about his problems until afternoon, while they were having lunch and chatting away. And he would probably have totally forgotten, if not for the fact that Tetsu had appeared in front of him again, like a ghostly apparition. Hyde had almost dropped his chopsticks, but before he could call out, the boy was gone.

Hyde sat there immobile, dejected and disappointed. He wanted to talk to Tetsu again, one last time, before he left.

"What's the matter, Hyde?" Ray spoke, putting his food down. Hyde shifted uncomfortably.

"Nothing…" He forced a smile, and picked up his food. His band mates glanced at each other worriedly.

"Are you sick or something?" Morihiro put his hand over Hyde's forehead.

"I'm fine," He replied.

"Been watching too many girls?" Izumi pointed to the girl who had been standing behind Tetsu originally. Hyde blushed.

"No, I'm fine, really."

"Nee, if you're sick, we can stay here for another day or two."

Hyde shook his head, and they sat there eating in silence, each unaware of their companion's own worries. Hyde had finished his share first, and got up to buy some more. After some jeering from his band mates about his appetite, Hyde finally went to queue. He got some more meat and rice, and was about to go back to his table. Then he caught sight of Tetsu again. Those large eyes blinked unmistakably at him.

"Hyde…?" Tetsu asked, looking as if he was dreaming once again. "I thought… You're leaving today?"

Hyde greeted him with a nod and a small tired smile. He himself could not believe the coincidence. "Yes…. I'm leaving this afternoon. I'm having lunch now. Care to join us?" He gestured towards his table.

"No thanks," Tetsu shook his head. Hyde nodded again, this time more depressed. Tetsu caught sight of that fleeting expression, but he did not say anything else.

"Well, then…" Hyde smiled cheerfully, and shrugged, the tray in his hands. But he did not turn around and walk away.

"I'm here with my band, too," Tetsu started again, hoping that he could say anything to prevent Hyde from leaving so soon, without really meaning to tell Hyde that he wanted him to stay.

"Really?"

"….Yeah…" Tetsu seemed to have his own troubles as well while talking about his band. "Actually, we live around the area, and I've just come down to get them food."

"Why? Do they bully you or something?" Hyde joked. Tetsu gestured towards the table, and they sat down to chat, completely forgetting about both of their bands.

"Hyde!" Ray called. Hyde turned, cupping his mouth in realization, suddenly remembering that he was leaving that day. He had totally forgotten that while being in the presence of the other boy.

"Oh… I forgot… You're leaving today…" Tetsu smiled, and shrugged. Hyde stood up reluctantly.

"We still have fifteen minutes," Izumi told the guitarist. Hyde looked at them for assurance, and Ray just looked away angrily.

"It's okay," Hyde told Tetsu, and sat back down. They talked some more, and the subject moved from videos and music back to their bands.

"Yeah. They all think I eat a lot." Both of them burst into laughter.

"You're not the only one. The drummer of my band, Pero, eats a lot too!" Tetsu grinned, "That's why I had to go down every half hour to get him some food during sessions!"

Hyde laughed. Then, Tetsu suddenly sobered.

"My band…. Is breaking up," Tetsu told the other boy, resignation written on his face. "Pero and I want to form a new band, but we all know things are not that easy…"

Hyde nodded silently. "So you are just a drummer and a bassist?"

"Yeah," Tetsu replied. "You know, if only…."

"Un?"

"If only you would join my band… But I guess, it's impossible, ne?" He choked back something in his throat with a laughter.

Hyde hung his head. It was, indeed, impossible. His band was doing okay, he could not possibly leave behind so much just to go to so little.

"But… I just hope that we could go on to make music forever…" Tetsu heaved a sigh. "If only, things aren't that hard, especially with people…"

"I agree…" Hyde's heart skipped a beat, there seemed to be something wavering in himself. He found himself looking into those beautiful eyes intently, wishing that he could be as close to Tetsu in his heart as possible… He shook himself as Tetsu looked back up with a dreamy smile.

"But, I suppose… Just the moment is enough…"

Hyde was not sure if Tetsu had meant it to have a double meaning, but he suddenly heard enough.

"No, it isn't…" Hyde whispered, his eyes fluttering close, to open again. "This is not a dream, in a dream, there's only the present… But look, our lives are still ahead, right?"

Tetsu's brows furrowed in sadness. "Perhaps…."

Hyde smiled gently, and they sat there in silence for a few moments.

"Hyde!" Ray's voice floated into his head. He jerked around.

"I… I'm sorry!" He apologized hastily, then glanced back at Tetsu helplessly. The time had come for him to leave, once again... Parting was no sweet sorrow. It hurt too much to be sweet, especially when parting meant forever between two lovers.

"You'd better go, I suppose…" Tetsu stood up, patting the shorter boy on the shoulder.

:.I don't want to leave….: He thought stubbornly, but he went back to his table anyway. Tetsu watched as Hyde waved goodbye, and turned to go back home.

"Hey, you!" Izumi had shouted. Tetsu whirled in surprise. Hyde hurriedly ran towards him, carrying a pen.

"Let's keep in touch," Hyde got ready to write on his palm. "Tell me your address and telephone, okay? Next time, your band is formed, inform me…"

"I will…" Tetsu replied. "Osaka-ku…"

"Wait! How do you write saka?" Hyde blushed a deep shade of red, the kanji would not come to his head no matter what. :.My nikugo isn't normally this bad….:

"Uh…. Here, let me write it for you…" Tetsu took the pen over, and Hyde held out his hand. He wrote the whole address down. Hyde was happy; now, despite his leaving for Tokyo, he would still be able to contact Tetsu… Though, he was not sure if Tetsu would have remembered him after he left. Hyde's heart sank again. "There you go."

"Thanks…" Hyde whispered gratefully, as he took the pen back.

"Welcome," Tetsu replied with a small smile, and this time, he left.

Hyde stood looking at the characters on his palm absent-mindedly for awhile, but he quickly closed his fist tightly, as if holding something precious… His band mates eyed one another again.

"We're not leaving," Ray told them, firmly.

"But…" Hyde looked up, startled.

"Yeah… And…" Morihiro muttered. The other two kept silent.

"I don’t feel well," Ray said harshly, his eyes closing briefly as if to convince his band mates. And of course they did not fall for that, they all knew that it had something to do with Hyde's encounter with Tetsu. But no one said a word.

***

Hyde spent that night thinking about Tetsu again, watching the moonlight beam its way down onto them, like a sweet mother looking after her children. Hyde had never felt so lonely before. Ray refused to speak to him; usually they were the closest.

Plus, he was still missing Tetsu. He glanced over at Morihiro and the drummer. Both of them were asleep, soundly. Izumi was lying there, with his eyes open, and it was then that Hyde realized that Izumi had been watching him all the while. He whispered, "You're awake."

Izumi nodded in reply, and pointed outside of the window. Hyde looked out at the moonlight shining through the canopy outside. "Wanna go out for a walk?"

Hyde agreed. Trying not to wake the other members, they scrambled up as silently as possible, and got out of the house after a few moments.

The moonlight was darker outside, surprisingly. They walked the first mile in silence, as they looked at things around them, which they both knew that they would be missing soon… Then, Izumi spoke.

"Ray… He's not very happy."

"I know…" Hyde answered worriedly. "And he won't speak to me today."

"He doesn't want you to leave the band," Izumi told him.

"I'll never leave the band," Hyde replied without thought. Tetsu's eyes flashed at the back of his memory…"I promise…"

"It's no use telling me. We all know you don't want to go to Tokyo now."

"But… I do—"

"No you don't understand," Izumi laughed, turning to face him. "Once your heart is left here you're no longer with the band."

"I like this band," Hyde replied, tears brimming his eyes. They were kicking him out. He knew he wanted to join Tetsu's band. But there was no real reason to, he could not do so just because he wanted to be by Tetsu's side.

"You really don't understand… You don't belong to this band anymore." Izumi laughed sadly. "We discussed about it already. At least, Mori-chan, Shi-chan and I did."

"…What about Ray……?"

"He'll understand."

"But…"

"Listen, we're not forcing you to leave. It's fine if you want to stay. But if you're still deceiving yourself and us, it's unfair. I think it's time for you to think about it. We don't have much time left."

Hyde breathed in deeply, letting the night air clear his thoughts. He could feel his tears clear, as his vision became clearer, too. "I don't know…"

"Hey, you still have that guy's number on your hand, don't you?" Izumi said suddenly.

"Yeah, but…" Hyde looked at him, confused.

"Call him. You'll know. Here's some coins." Izumi stuffed the shillings into Hyde's small hands, and waved him goodbye. Hyde was left standing dumbfounded in front of a telephone booth, hesitating. He looked at his palm. The numbers were rather clearly illustrated by the street lamps, and he dialed it.

After the second ring, the familiar voice was heard. "Moshi moshi?"

"Tetsu…?"

"…Hyde? What are you doing up so late?"

"I… I don't know." Hyde tried to hide the longing in his voice. He wished that he could see Tetsu's eyes again when they spoke, but for that moment he was just glad enough to hear his voice. :.God… I'll really miss him….:

"Have you reached Tokyo already?" Tetsu asked. He did not sound as drugged as before.

"No," Hyde replied. He was not sure if he wanted to explain the situation to Tetsu.

"Oh… A delay?" Tetsu sounded almost happy, but reluctant to be happy.

"Ray was sick…"

"Oh…" They lapsed into silence.

"Were you sleeping when I called?" Hyde asked.

"No, I couldn't sleep."

"Sou ka… Same here…" Hyde smiled, though he knew that Tetsu would not be able to see his smile. Tetsu's voice soothed him somewhat. "Ano…"

"Un?" Tetsu responded slowly.

"Never mind…" Hyde laughed softly, sadly. "I… I might not be going to Tokyo after all…"

"Oh. You guys are going to perform here some more?"

"No, just me," Hyde told him.

"Why?" It almost sound like a demand from Tetsu. Hyde was surprised at how affected Tetsu seemed by it.

"……I don't really know." Hyde tried to hide the sadness, but his voice cracked a little.

"…I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Hyde replied. :.I'm just glad to know…… I think, simply by hearing his voice… I am able to understand what Izumi had meant….: Tears loomed in his eyes, and he quickly wiped them away, refusing to let them fall.

Tetsu could not say anything, and they lapsed into silence again.

"……"

"…You know, I really like listening to your voice," Tetsu remarked. It was the first thing which he could think of to speak, and, anything to break the silence.

"Really." Hyde looked up towards the sky through his blurry vision. The moonlight was so clear, so beautiful… He imagined Tetsu bathed in the silvery light, while they talked.

"I don't know…" Tetsu laughed. Hyde had to smile at that. He loved Tetsu's laughter. The cold wind blew across his face, and he could almost feel Tetsu in it. "But, I think it would be wonderful to hear you sing."

"I don't want to be a vocal."

"You haven't tried singing yet. In music, what is really important is a strong voice which can accommodate the strong music… Do you understand?"

"So you think I have that voice?"

"Anou… I don't know that. I haven't heard you sing. But… I love your voice…"

'Click.' Hyde was glad that Tetsu was not there to see him crying. How he wished that Tetsu would say something to invite him into the band, or to tell him that he was really needed, anything… He walked away from the phone booth. Izumi was right, the answer was clear enough.

***

"…I'm leaving the band." Hyde had said it loud and clear. Izumi, Shiro and Morihiro were not surprised. Neither was Ray. But it seemed to affect Ray the most. "…I'm really sorry for deceiving you… And me…"

"Tetsu, isn't it?" Ray asked. "You're leaving us, your band, your friends, for a stranger?"

Hyde only looked down, unable to say anything. He and Tetsu had not met for long, that was a fact. He was not even sure if he did the right thing, but all he wanted to do was to stay by Tetsu's side, and nothing else would matter… Perhaps, it was really all just a dream, the moment mattered.

"Ray," Morihiro whispered. The vocalist turned.

"Betrayal," Ray ignored Morihiro, and stormed away.

"Nee, Hyde… We're still friends, right?" Shiro asked.

"Yeah…"

"Let's go and get Ray," Izumi suggested, patting Hyde on the shoulder.

Hyde shook his head. "No… You guys go, okay?"

"Why…?" Shiro asked.

Hyde smiled sadly, his head lowered. "He's right. I betrayed him, and all of you, as a band…"

"Ah, well." Izumi shrugged, and gestured towards Shiro and Morihiro. "Hyde, let me remind you… We're still going to Tokyo."

Hyde nodded with tears in his eyes, and waved them goodbye.

***

He called Tetsu again that night. Tetsu answered, he was awake like the night before. They talked for a little while, and Hyde asked Tetsu to meet him outside. Tetsu agreed willingly, and they walked in the streets again, for the second time… The moonlight was as beautiful as before, as was Tetsu's eyes, and the feeling which Hyde had felt.

Finally, he started. "I left my band."

Silence.

"They left for Tokyo today," Hyde told him, looking at him straight into his eyes.

"…Why?" Tetsu asked.

Hyde shrugged. He was about to cry some more, but Tetsu had somehow noticed that, and draped his arm around Hyde's shoulders. "Differences…."

Tetsu lifted his touch, and they continued walking, in the moonlight.

"……Your band… Can I join?" Hyde asked, his eyes pleading Tetsu. Hoping he would say yes, knowing he would.

"Only if you become the vocal," Tetsu replied playfully.

"You haven't even heard me sing yet," Hyde laughed.

"I will soon," Tetsu grinned, as he leaned down to kiss Hyde. Their kiss got deeper, until Hyde realized what he was doing, and shoved him away. "Hyde… I…"

"……I'm sorry…" Hyde whispered, as he hugged Tetsu with all his might, knowing that Tetsu was afraid of rejection, after what he had done to him. But what he would like Tetsu to know was that he loved him deep inside, though he had been lying to everyone, including himself…

"Hyde…?" Tetsu was confused.

"Please look at me…" Hyde smiled, happily. The moonlight which shone onto Tetsu was so beautiful, he felt so blissful, as if they were blessed, to be happy together…

"I am…"

"I'm right here, Tetsu, I'm not going anywhere, ever…"

"…Un."

They stood there for a long, long time, bathed in the silvery light, enjoying each other's presence. Hyde knew, as long as Tetsu's gaze fell on him, he wanted nothing else, there was nothing else he needed…

~*Owari*~

Sunday, November 21, 1999 11:58:07 PM

Author's notes: Sorry for the crappy ending… I'm dead tired…

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