If reading from MSIE, right click, select "view source" to read this in Notepad. Note: if reading from Notepad, go to View-> options-> text-> select "wrap to window". Works perfectly. Tis long. Disclaimer: None of these have happened; the characters are fictitious or used in a fictitious manner, or just satirical in nature, and none of it is to be construed as true, aka I'm not slandering anyone, don't sue me. In the event of similarities and congruency, coincidences are always the scapegoats that one is looking for. title: Granny Awards- GOLDEN MOMENTS. Author: hidoko FOREWARD: Since no one complained about the other one, the same rules apply to this as to that. Except that in this one, it directly links the Jrock characters with the fans, and the aftermath of the Granny Awards 2001. And in case you didn't know, two of the fics potrayed are my favorites. Sooooo, don't try and say that I'm 'blah'. I'm just proving a point. Again, exceptions know who they are, and everything is meant as a potrayal in an evilly mean sarcastic manner. If someone can't take it, I don't mind if you slam me. Except that if you really cant take offensive things, dont read it, because your small brain capacity won't be able to comprehand whatever I'll say to redeem myself..and, oh, the real world has literature full of similar styles(except mine is crappier..) as well. Just in case you didn't know. *has a feeling she's going to get lynched* Comments would be welcomed- if you don't feel comfortable, email me personally. Flames go on-list, so that you may have more allies against me. All rights reserved. ~*~ hidoko Granny Awards - GOLDEN MOMENTS. (part 1? Probably!) Fri Feb 2 18:56:00 2001 Host: today, we present the 2001 annual Granny Awards, Golden Moments! The shows have been selected on personnels based on audience views and critics. Here the prestiged population are. *screen shows fat girls with golden hair,brown hair, black hair, purple hair, of all races and sexes (!?), all yelling and waving. And a small group of boys who stand at the back smiling. One of the boys jumps out and starts shouting along with the mob in front.* Host: *clears throat* Ahem. Because this program has a fund of 10 billion dollars, we can afford to hire Yoshiki, the actor of all actor, the lead character of all lead characters! Yoshiki: *smiles shyly behind his sunglasses as he appears on the stage* *sound of screaming fans (inclusive of mob of male fans behind) is heard* Host: We welcome your presence, Yoshiki. Have you anything to say to your still-loyal fans? Yoshiki: *waves* I'm really proud to have your support. I'll stay true to the numerous pairings you've done me up with back in the 2000s. Even though I haven't won it this year, your support is enough. *more screaming* Host: That's a very warm-hearted speech, Yoshiki. Yoshiki: I know. *sniffle* I've always been the sentimental poet they make me out to be. *SCREAM* Host: The Sentimental Awards is just behind the present one, Yoshiki. Perhaps we could take a look at it later on. You will surely be on the hitlist! Yoshiki: Why, I'm honoured. Host: For the moment, let's look at the "Rape and Violence Awards". We welcome Yoshiki to open the envelop containing the utmost secret! *hands Yoshiki the envelope* Yoshiki: *takes over envelope* *winning smile* Host: The Third place is... Yoshiki: ...Jungle! voice via unknown loudspeaker: This show is known for its violence and brutality which it treats with the main character hyde. It has set many trends for Rape Scenes of our society. *zoom in to screen beside Host* *screen shows hyde getting thrown onto floor* *fists and kicks fly about the screen, with hyde's screams enhancing the silence* *flashing* *more kicking* *tetsu's evil look as he enters hyde* *sakura with a halo on his head* *hyde running through the jungle* *more evil kicking and bashing* *whitish liquid 'exploding' out, and that is NOT blood* *zoom back to host* Host: Jungle must surely be one of the classical movies ever made. Yoshiki: *nods* *screams heard for no apparant reason* Host: Now we shall go on to the Second Rape and Violence Award..... Yoshiki: *opens next envelope* ....Toshiya Gets Some! voice via unknown loudspeaker: This movie is known for how sexy Toshiya, the famous actor, and how he finally manages to get laid with his beloved Kaoru. *zoom in to screen beside Host* *screen shows Toshiya dressed up in tight leather boots and short skirt, looking sexy* *people walking by him* *Toshiya tries to hook up man* *man ignores* *Toshiya tries to hook up another* *man ignores* *Toshiya lies on the floor with a sign "rape me"* *men rush to Toshiya* *Kaoru rushes in and saves the day* *mindless smut* *zoom back to host* Host: That is indeed a lovely picture. Yoshiki: Desperation needs measures. *nods* *more insane screaming* Host: And now... The FIRST Rape and Violence award! Yoshiki: *opens envelope*.. ...Running Mob!! voice via unknown loudspeaker: This movie contains no rape scenes, but should be applauded for its senseless violence! *zoom in to screen beside Host* *Kyo appears on screen with Gackt* *screaming fangirls rush after Gackt and Kyo* *truck runs over fangirls* *Kyo and Gackt make out in mass of squashed bodies* *zoom back to host* Host: The grand moment for the Grand Rape and Violence award is nearing... Yoshiki: I can sense it.. *smiles* *more screaming* *sound of truck zooming into hall and it crushes a few fangirls* Mob: Aiyyeeee!! Security Guards: *shoot at wheels, arrests culprit* Culprit: *screams* KYOOOOOOOOooooooooooOOOOooo!! I'M A FAN OF RUNNING MOB! I WANT A SEQUEL!!! *security guards drag Culprit away* *mob floods back into their place now that Culprit is gone* Mob: WE. WANT. YOSHIKI! WE. WANT. YOSHIKI!! Yoshiki: *appears back on screen looking a bit pale* Host: *similar effect* ....Uhm, I suppose we should get on to the Grand Rape and Violence award...shouldn't we....? Yoshiki: *still looks sickly* Uhm... *nods, a bit scared* *insane screaming heard* Host: ....The Grand Rape and Violence award goes to.... ... Yoshiki: ...Darkness, Smarkness!!!! voice via unknown loudspeaker: Darkness, Smarkness is an absolute horror of all horror, pleasure of all pleasures! Yes, this movie potrays a beautiful image of murder. Again, no Rape involved, but We would have to nominate every fic that's like Toshiya Gets Some, and there'd be nothing left for us to comment on! *zoom in to screen beside Host* *screen shows Yukihiro looking dejected* *Yukihiro sits down and thinks* *Yukihiro stands up and thinks* *Yukihiro walks and thinks* *Yukihiro thinks and thinks* *smiling tetchan* *more dejection* *anger flashes in Yukihiro's eyes* *Yukihiro tying Hyde onto bed* *stab, slash, stab slash* *Tetsu cries* *stab, stab* *gouges out eyeballs of Hyde leaving gaping dark holes in Hyde's skull* *Crying Tetsu* *Tetsu gets stabbed* *Tetsu dies, Yukihiro leaves room* *zoom back to host* Mob: BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Singular unknown person: Such a lousy movie! Who cares to hear about contemplation?! We just want violence! It has a deeper meaning than philosophy-wannabes!! This movie SUCKS! Mob: YEAHHH!! WE WANT VIOLENCE! WE WANT RAPE! WE WANT TOSHIYA TO GET LAID BY KAORU! Singular unknown person: RISE, PEOPLE! PEACE, BREAD, LAND!! Mob: WE. SHALL. RISE!!! Meanwhile... Host and Yoshiki: *sneaks away to backstage, both looking scared* Yoshiki: *not looking and falls into a drain* *lands with a splatter with his skull cracked* *NEXT DAY* News reporter: The Granny Awards held yesterday at DaiTaku XXX station was a total disaster, as usual. It did not get past the first awards, and guest Yoshiki, ex-X Japan, having fallen into a drain in the confusion, is now in critical condition, at a monastary undergoing herbal surgery. The Mob yesterday, having been roused by hatred for philosophical films, have been set into a political party with its supporters, namely, the JRFP (Jrock Fic Party), and its JRFM (Jrock Fic Mob). Currently, because the election has ended three years ago, the JRFP are demanding a re-election, since they -I quote- find it fairer towards its supporters. Let's take a look at the historical moment of the JRFP propogenda. *screen zooms in to rally* Same Singular Unknown Person As Yesterday: ARISE, people!! We shall NOT condone violence, but potray it! Yessirree, this is the way to live! We are a bunch of /morbid/, /Gothic/, /deep/ people who /love/ and /appreciate/ violence in Jrock movies! Give us your support - PEACE! JROCK! LAND! VOTE FOR US! WE ARE THE JROCK FIC PARTY! Crowd: *roars* WE ARE THE JRFM!!! JRFP, GOOOooooOooooOOoooOOOOooooooOOOOoo!! *screen zooms back to broadcasting station* Reporter: This political party has been severely criticized by citizens. We now invite Diplomat Jalias Caesar to give us his golden precious analysis. Diplomat Jalias Caesar: Aye, me doth find the turn of events eventful, as such, fate-willed plans lie in our paths. Doth not opposers bootless kneel? Say the country ruleth ruthlessly, so be it; for I am as constant as the Northern Star, remaining nuetral as H2O between Acid and Alkali. Reporter: Thank you, Mr Julius Caesar. Now we shall potray our street interviewees under the camera. *screen zooms in to tape-recording* Street-interviewee Brutus Mucus: ..... .the serpent in the egg, as its kind, doth groweth mischievious. Hence, kill it in the shell. JRF Mob: He DISAGREES WITH US!! !GRAAAABBBB HIMMMMMMM!!!! Brutus Mucus: Aaiiiiiyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! *screen zooms back to Reporter* Reporter: As you can see, the Jrock Fic Party and its Mob are unformidable. As for when the next re-election turns out, we shall wait while doing yoga. That's the scoop of the day, good night. -end- http://xz0ne.cjb.net voidmatsumoto@yahoo.co.uk