Author: hidoko Matsumoto

Publisher: Just A Jumble Of Words (will be released anytime soon after the editor is done with it)

Contents:

This story is written in the first-person view of a drummer of a band named L'Arc~en~Ciel. In the beginning, he talks about how much he hates this one person, who had been and will always be beautiful. This person is the vocalist of the band, named Hyde. Then, he leads on towards how he met the bassist of the band, named Tetsu. It talks about how much he loves him, how precious Tetsu is, and how much he has been hurting all along. (this story is in present tense, hence, I am writing this report in present tense as well.)

He knows that Tetsu will never be his, because Hyde and Tetsu love each other.

One day, they agree to crash at Tetsu's house overnight. Yukihiro (that’s the name of this drummer) is not very keen to towards this idea, because he knows that he has to look at Hyde and Tetsu's loving scenes.

Thoughts goes on through his mind, leading from one case to another, from fangirls to the tears of Tetsu's. He wants to see Tetsu's tears the way Hyde has seen it. Of course, it is impossible. Yukihiro knows that, still he can't stop loving Tetsu the way he does. He debates with himself about it, and still he gets nowhere.

At the slumber party, after having some normal 'fun' (not in the sense of Yukihiro's) such as watching videos, Ken (the guitarist of the band) goes away to talk on the phone. Hyde and Tetsu decide to sneak away to their own world, leaving Yukihiro alone. He follows them to the room, and he sees them embracing in a very romantic manner.

This makes him feel very inferior, for he feels that Tetsu is being "defiled" by Hyde. He sees Hyde as a lower class being, and Tetsu as some goddess (technically godling though).

Then some time after, Tetsu approaches him regarding a song which he is writing for Hyde. Yukihiro doesn't show his disgust for this couple, rather, he pretends to support them on the outside.

Inside, he deteriorates bit by bit, even bursting out slightly as Tetsu cracks a joke regarding what Hyde has said once.

Then, the next day, Tetsu calls him again, for the same matter. They talk for some time, before somebody calls in, disrupting their conversation. Yukihiro bursts out again, thinking it was Hyde. Tetsu mistakes Yukihiro's reason for bursting out, and treats him coldly.

Yukihiro approaches Tetsu the next afternoon, and apologizes. On the way there, he contemplates the meaning of "forever". When he reaches that house, he sees the couple walk away, not hand-in-hand (given that they ARE celebrities after all, and news gets round fast). Yet he sees them smile at each other in such a way that he knows he will never own that love.

He ends up dropping the notion of apology, and that night Tetsu calls him to say that he has finished the song, and they will be playing it the next day.

Yukihiro goes, and at the session, the way Tetsu and Hyde act gets on his nerve. When hearing the song, he realizes that their love will be forever. He realizes that Tetsu will really never love him, and he bursts out again. This time, he rejoices at having hurt both of them.

He purposely makes himself unavailable through all means of communications, and Tetsu finally visits him at his house. He tells Tetsu that he will go to them later, as long as he has Hyde with him. Yukihiro has the notion of hurting both of them already.

At their place, Yukihiro leads them to the soundproof room which he knows exists, and there he starts a long, bloody, and painful murder, thinking that once he kills Hyde, he will "own Tetsu's heart". However, Tetsu only looks at him with pity and says, "I pity you. If not for the fact that you killed Hyde, I won't hate you." Realizing that he has lost, he kills Tetsu in his rage, and digs out Tetsu's heart. He cleans away every evidence, and takes Hyde's eyes and Tetsu's heart with him.

Later, Ken calls him and they go out for a drink. They get drunk, and then Ken learns about Hyde's and Tetsu's death. Ken vouches that he's been with Yukihiro all day long, and no one else will ever think that Yukihiro killed Hyde and Tetsu.

The story ends with both Yukihiro and Ken at the burial procession, and Yukihiro's deluded contemplation.

My thoughts:

This story is a piece which delves deep into the psychology of an almost insane mind. Its pace goes slowly at first, then builds up faster and faster. After the climax (aka the final and destined killings), the pace calms back into its vastness, seeming even more empty than usual.

At the beginning when Yukihiro contemplates, he calmly does so, only getting worked up at his descriptions of Hyde and Tetsu. He focuses on his hatred and love, perfect contrasts which contemplate and compliment each other.

Using contrasts in the whole fiction brings out the perfection of the couple, tainted by how much Yukihiro loathes it.

Firstly, the perfection of Hyde is that he's always sexy, alluring, and there is this basic quantity which will not change even if he himself does. Yukihiro compares him to the world; the basic essence of the evilness is always the same. Later, he says that Hyde is shallow. Secondly, the perfection of Tetsu is that he is as stable as the "northern star". (I also happen to think that the author read too much Shakespeare.) In comparison to Hyde's "shallowness", Yukihiro does realize that Tetsu's love for Hyde is deep, when Tetsu writes the song for Hyde, saying "Promises based on a world of shallowness… if that is what I should convey to you…" Yukihiro thinks it's the loveliest thing which he has ever heard. Of course it hurts him as well, because he thinks that Hyde is totally undeserving of this "Goddess".

Another irony worth noting of is that Yukihiro kills them with a dagger which was brought back by his "lover" from France, claiming it to be a noble knight's quest item.

When Yukihiro talks about things, there is also a tendency to ramble as he goes along. This shows his state of mind; being detached while feeling deeply about things.

Later in the story, Yukihiro's words changes till it concentrates only on his wanting of Hyde's death and Tetsu's love. He repeats phrases consistently, such as "my Tetsu", and "You will love me after I kill Hyde." From here, we can compare his rationality trying to debate his irrational feelings out of the way, till the end when he finally deteriorates and commits the final bloodshed.

Yukihiro also thinks that Tetsu understands him. That is another reason for him to love Tetsu, because Tetsu knows about the basic things which he like, such as TV game, Pocky, and Mac Donalds'. However, we all know that this is only an illusion; because this story portrays Tetsu as a person who will care about anyone near him. He treats all those near him with care. He treats Yukihiro the way he does because Yukihiro is his band mate, and he treats him as a friend.

Yukihiro does not see this, because he is blinded by his feeling. As related to above, his rationality keeps reminding that Tetsu will never love him even if he understands him. If Tetsu understands the love which Yukihiro has for him, he will only be frightened. That never happens, even though it is a possibility that Yukihiro might blurt it out.

The uniqueness of this story is the change of plot, which can be simply concluded that it has more bloodshed than expected. In a normal story, we can almost bet that Yukihiro will blurt out his feelings, and Tetsu will shun away from him. The twist in this story comes from Yukihiro's deteriorating mentality, despite the good time which he has had with Tetsu in a scene (which misleads readers into believing that Yukihiro's mind will calm down and take a break).

Secondly, it is the little ideas embedded into this story, such as the concept of eternity, the evil essence of the world, commercialization and fan base, using the simplest of words to express the most basic yet concepts which isn't usually thought of, just put into use and encountered.

The language is simple yet powerful; it makes concepts easy to understand and it totally brings out the feeling of the fiction. While some might find it too tedious to have the same phrases repeating again, I feel that the repetition leads towards emphasis, hence, it only increases the intensity of the language. The English level of it is okay, nothing special, but the power of such simple language is unformidable. One can almost feel the pain and hear the screams which Hyde and Tetsu felt when they were being killed. One can almost feel the emptiness which Yukihiro feels after he has killed the two of them.

The ending is a powerful one. Yukihiro delves in his loneliness and emptiness. No one understands what he means, and how he feels, but it doesn't matter to him. Ken's reactions act towards the dynamic of this ending, which is dynamic in the sense of ultimate silence and peacefulness. Yukihiro's state of mind can be clearly seen to be different from Ken's. Ken cries his heart out; he has nothing to hide, while Yukihiro doesn't try to hide. He doesn't cry, and he's in a daze, but it is not because of the reality of the deaths of his band mates, rather, his own acts.

Personally, I admire the magic which exists in the fiction. It is currently unedited, and contains some fatal grammar mistakes, but I believe that once these mistakes have been rectified, this will be one of the most powerful stories ever written by the author.

(Also, it is interesting to note that the author wrote the first part and the last part beforehand, only adding in the "vital organs" at the last 2 hours early morning so that she could finish her book review. Her state of mind surely wasn't in pace with knowing what she had written beforehand. Maybe it can be said that lack of sleep produces "black" magic.)

By: hidoko matsumoto

http://xz0ne.cjb.net
voidmatsumoto@yahoo.co.uk