Xz0ner

Wednesday, January 05, 2000 5:29:28 AM
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Warnings: y.a.o.i. This is a torture fic, it's written for about that purpose. Please don't read it if you don't like me torturing those poor dears…

Starring: Tetsu, Sakura, Hyde, Ken, Yuki.

Author's notes: Thanks to Jara for the idea again. ^-^ We sadistic creatures oughta form Sadistic Anonymous! (thanks to Tsurara and Jara for information ^-^/")
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As shining as a moonstone. If Tetsu could give Hyde a description, it would be that, for his body seemed to glow with its own light. A shining winter-like personality full of life, anything but pure even though it was white. He was a beautiful person, beautiful not in a sense of perfection—even though he could well have been near it—but with little bit of human flaws which made him so lovable. Just like that precious gem.

When Hyde had accepted his true feelings, Tetsu felt so blessed. He always wondered what he would do without him; and he couldn't bear the thought.

The jewel's glisten seemed to remind him of Hyde, and it was because of that Tetsu knew maybe the latter would love it. It was the only thing which was fitting to such a beauty as Hyde. Maybe it could have been an engagement of some sorts. He didn't know; even though he had thought about it and wasn't sure. Maybe he could ask.

So he went into the shop and bought it. A few million yen, not very cheap but affordable, at least it was so to him. Then, he skipped out as if he was the happiest person in the world. He could imagine Hyde's smiling face in his mind already.

And then he arrived at Hyde's house, knocked on the door, to find that Sakura was right there with Hyde. Immediately his expression changed. He wondered what was the person who had almost ruined their band and left Hyde so hurt doing there. Well, it really shouldn't have mattered since now they were good friends, at least for Sakura and Hyde. He never really liked Sakura anyway—the guy had stolen Hyde away from him. Once. And he wasn't about to let it happen again—sure, he could have well been paranoid, but if Sakura tried it wasn't as if Tetsu could have stopped him.

Hyde didn't seem to notice that he had frozen. "Oh, Tetsu, why are you standing here?"

He got out of his daze and forced on a smile. "Hyde. Happy birthday!"

Hyde returned his smile cheerfully, and stretched out his hand. "Where's my present?"

He had to laugh. "What? That's the first thing which you ask me? What happened to 'good afternoon, honey'?"

Hyde stuck out his tongue, and gestured for Sakura to get out of the way and for Tetsu to go inside. Tetsu gave Sakura a grim nod, and Sakura remained indifferent. Hyde got to cooking. Tetsu always liked to watch as he bustled around in the apron; there was always a feeling of comfort in that atmosphere. However, this time, he felt awkward just existing, so he went over to watch television while Sakura talked to Hyde in the kitchen.

He sighed. It reminded him of the time when Hyde was with Sakura, and he would watch in a corner, jealous that his friend—at least at first it seemed so to him—was stolen away from him. When Sakura had left—It was partly Tetsu's decision, for he could not allow the band to be ruined. The recording company had told him that if he did not kick Sakura out, they would be unsigned by the company. It had been a hard choice for even him, the 'fearless' leader.

But everything had turned out okay, they had gotten a support drummer who ended up being their official drummer, and Hyde, who had felt so hurt when Sakura had left (actually, more hurt by the fact that Sakura had kept something so serious from him), finally cheered up under his care. He even accepted Tetsu when Tetsu had returned home, heart-broken by some girl again, and confessed his true feelings for Hyde.

But now… He was scared. Scared that maybe all the time, he was just an icon to replace Sakura in Hyde's loneliness. Now that Sakura had returned… He was scared that he would lose Hyde again.

"Tet-chan! Lunch is ready~" Hyde emerged with a cheerful smile; Sakura tagging along behind him, holding a huge pot of rice while Hyde held the curry. "I hope you enjoy it."

"Of course I will," Tetsu grinned.

"Oh, Ken and Yuki's coming over at five later," Hyde told him, and glanced at Sakura sweetly. "I didn't know that he would come, but you don't mind, do you?"

"No, of course not," Tetsu tried his best to hide it from his face and his voice. Of course he minded. When Sakura was in Laruku, they weren't too close. Now, their ties were completely severed. Hyde had never said that he blamed Tetsu, of course, but that was another matter.

They finished lunch with a conversation and some long-forgotten laughter, before settling down to talk about their recent lives. Hyde could talk on and on about Laruku, and Tetsu would just wonder about what Sakura felt deep in his heart. It was not apparent on the surface.

Then Ken and Yuki came along together. Ken shared long time reminiscence with Sakura, and Yuki simply sat aside and listened to them, occasionally adding a line or two of jokes. Tetsu glanced at Hyde. He had never seen him so happy in such a long time. His brows furrowed. Is it because Sakura is here?

An arm wrapped around his waist, and he felt a sense of security. "Tet-chan, you're fine, aren't you?"

It seemed to be more of a consolation than a question. Tetsu nodded, a smile on his face, as he hugged back. "Just not used to this."

Both of them watched from a side, and it was not long before Ken dragged out the beer which he had brought along. Everyone started drinking; except Tetsu. Hyde said he had some red wine, and Sakura offered to get it.

"Couldn't find the bottles," Sakura said without a single hint of apology, and held the bottle out to Tetsu. Hyde poured the wine into two separate glasses, and both of them sat down to drink together. By then, Ken and Yuki were having a drinking competition (on which Yuki was losing), and Sakura was having a laugh out of it.

Tetsu thought Sakura didn't look too happy.

A pain grew gradually in his stomach; and by the time he noticed it felt as if his insides were being corroded bit by bit. He couldn't see properly, and maybe it was because of the pain.

"Tet-chan…" He heard a moan.

It must have been the wine, because it was only they who were sick.

"Should we take them to the doctor? What's wrong?" Ken's face spoke of anxiety.

"Are you guys okay?" Yuki gently knelt beside the two.

"There's no doctor at this time of the day." Sakura pointed to the clock; it was ten p.m. "Nee, I'll bring Tetsu home. You're too drunk to drive."

"Okay…" Ken nodded, looking down at the squirming Hyde worriedly. "You take care of him…"

Ken picked Hyde's small frame up easily, despite the faint headache in his mind, and carried him into the room. Yukihiro was trying to comfort Tetsu, but to no avail. His frail body was racked in so much pain that his eyes could hardly see Yuki's caring face.

"Nee, you guys take care of Hyde," Sakura told Yuki softly, almost as if it had been his fault that Hyde was suffering. "I'm going now."

"Make sure Tet-chan's fine, okay?" Yuki responded anxiously. Sakura nodded, and heaved the semi-unconscious form up. Yuki stood up to retrieve the key which was lying on the coffee table, and opened the door for Sakura.

***

"Tetsu," Sakura caressed his unconscious face. The band leader had fallen in a disturbed sleep from the pain and the drug. "You're so beautiful."

He smiled like a child who had just retrieved a lost toy, and his fingers traced down Tetsu's heaving chest. It felt so smooth, so fragile against his touch, as if he could have easily broken it.

Then his features hardened.

"Tetsu, you're no longer going to be beautiful anymore."

***

"Hyde…" Tetsu stifled a sob, his hands clutching at his stomach. The pain was now dull, and he could feel his consciousness slowly return. His eyes opened to adjust to the dimly lit interior of an unfamiliar room. A bleak, rundown room with peeling paint. God, where am I?

"Tetsu," A smooth voice whispered softly, as he felt a hand tracing his lips.

"Hyde…" He couldn't see the figure holding him from behind. He felt really sleepy, even though he knew that he might have slept for a long time beforehand.

"Wake up," A hand trailed to his lips.

"Hyde," He whimpered softly. "It's still hurting."

"It's supposed to hurt you and make you drowsy," The voice replied.

It wasn't Hyde.

He blinked in comprehension; and tried to turn his head, but the person only tightened his grip against his jaw, till it felt as if it had been intended to crush his bone. His arms flailed out weakly, trying to push the person away, but it was no use. The person was strong.

"Tetsu, I love you. And what did you do?" He laughed sadistically. "You kicked me out of your band. Can't have me ruin it huh."

He tried to speak, but the sound was caught in his throat.

"You kicked me out so that you can get Hyde."

Sakura let go, letting Tetsu's head fall back onto the soft bed roughly. He lay there gasping, his eyes fluttering open and closing in pain. "Sa…Kura…. Listen…"

He smirked. "There's no reason to."

"I…. I didn't…." The pain in his jaw could not distract the pain in the heart. "Sakura… Listen to… me…"

The tall handsome figure turned around so that his back was facing Tetsu, and looked down at the table. Various objects seemed to lie there, shining appealingly. "Tetsu, you're a hypocrite."

He shook his head, trying to fall deaf on the accusations. It's not true!! His heart screamed, but he couldn't even be sure about it himself. "I…."

Sakura turned around, revealing in his hands a small pocket knife. It gleamed dangerously, and Tetsu weakly pulled himself away from Sakura as the latter advanced with a small smile on his face.

"No, Sakura…"

"I would so love to ruin you, Tetsu." The blade glinted with a dangerous light, as he waved it in front of Tetsu's face. "I love to ruin beautiful things."

"Sakura…!" Tetsu cried as he fell onto the floor. He tried to back away, but the wall stopped him. He saw Sakura's tall form tower over him. It was a brand new blade; he could not keep his eyes off it. He couldn't even see Sakura's face as the man kneeled down in front of him, gently caressing his face with it. His face were riddled with tiny cuts as the blade scraped his skin. The wounds started to burn slightly, as he heard a soft low laughter.

Evil laughter.

"Sakura! Please… Stop…" He pleaded, tears overflowing his eyes. When Sakura saw those tears, he laughed again, pulling the blade away.

"Your skin is so beautiful now," He said with a sadistic tinge in his voice, pushing Tetsu's head against the cold, hard wall. He gasped; his skull felt as if it was about to crack. He murmured, "Tetsu, if only you can see it…."

His eyes widened, and he tried to pry Sakura's hand away, knowing that it was useless and there would soon be more. He was rewarded with a slap upon those fresh blood. A hard punch settled in his stomach, building up a pain which seemed to make the world spiral around him in a sickly way. He tried to catch his breath, his eyes fluttering close in a fragile manner. "……No…"

"Yes," Sakura smirked, his hand trailing towards the back of his head, and held it tightly. His tongue flicked out to lick the blood. "You deserve this anyway."

"You…" Tetsu uttered, trying to jerk away from Sakura's touch, but was unable to move. He gasped; the contact of wetness against his blood hurt too much. Mainly because it was his ex-band mate doing this to him.

"Tetsu," Sakura murmured, biting his neck painfully, so painful that he screamed. Unsatisfied, Sakura cut a large slash across his chest; and soon it became riddled with crisscrosses. Tetsu's breaths grew fainter. It was starting to hurt him to even breathe…

The pieces of cloth of what used to be his shirt fell off gently as he was hurled up onto the bed; the red blood spilling onto the sheets like a sacred curse. He lay there prone, weakly struggling against Sakura's grip as he tied Tetsu's hands and legs to the bedpost. His touch was cold and unfeeling, and Tetsu stared lifelessly at Sakura, his eyes masked over by a layer of pain.

Sakura did not stop there; he sat down onto Tetsu's chest, squeezing the life out of him. The wounds felt as if they were tearing into pieces; and Sakura pulled the blade against his arms brutally. Numbed by the pain, Tetsu's breaths remained as weak as he was, and he wished that he was dead. It all felt so painful.

Vaguely, he wondered how Hyde was doing; whether he had recovered from the poison. He wondered how Ken and Yukihiro would be doing at the recording studios when he did not come in.

Sakura chuckled, looking at the mutilated flesh of the small body. Something seemed to flicker in his eyes, as he put the knife away.

"Tetsu… This is not the last. The best way to treat someone as beautiful as you is to trample you with the most exquisite way which I can. You hear?" He sighed, pushing his hands over the beautiful wounded flesh. Tetsu gasped in pain, as Sakura's touch grew in pressure. "You're not going to make it out of this alive. I will kill you after I've hurt you as much, because you've hurt me, you see."

He kissed him gently, and left him alone in the room.

***

"He said it was okay and didn't want to see a doctor," Ken explained. He was so surprised to see Sakura look worried—for once, that he forgot to ask about Tetsu.

"Sakura," Acknowledged a weak Hyde when he approached the bedded figure. Sakura's expressions seemed to be mingled with some sort of regret and sadness in one, as he gazed down into Hyde's chiseled face. "How's Tetsu….?"

"He's fine," He told him, kneeling down beside him. Ken and Yukihiro looked at each other; Ken had even put out his cigarette just so that Hyde would not be disturbed by it. His eyebrows furrowed in a perturbed manner, and something was glowing in his eyes. Sadness, perhaps…

Hyde smiled and closed his eyes. "God, I'm sleepy…"

He dozed off, again, from both the effects of the drug and the aspirin which he had taken earlier. Sakura gazed at him for a moment, his expression softened, but then hardened again as he turned and faced Yukihiro and Ken. "I have to go now… Please take care of Hyde."

"Un," Yukihiro nodded, and Ken wrapped his arms around the distraught Yuki. Sakura's indifference returned, as he walked out of the room.

"You hungry?" Yuki shook his head.

"I hope Tet-chan's okay too…" He told Ken, looking in a distressed manner at Hyde's sleeping features. "I hope everyone's okay."

Ken smiled, and patted him reassuringly.

***

He was sleeping soundly again; it was a disturbed sleep. A faint sound of closing door rang in the silent room, and he knew that Sakura had returned. His mind woke up; his eyes fluttered open as if it was a natural reflex. He tried to move, only to be held helplessly by the pieces of cloth. "Sakura—"

The room brightened a little, as Sakura reached over to adjust the dim light bulb which was hanging from a fraying wire. Sakura's face was seemed almost ghoulish, as he looked down at Tetsu's with a half-smile, studying him for a moment. He remarked, sounding somewhat amused, "You're strong. For a wimp, you're really strong."

"Sakura…" Tetsu pleaded, falling back when Sakura walked closer to him. There was a dangerous spark shining in Sakura's eyes, it intimidated him just by being directed at him. Sakura did not stop; he reached out and grabbed him with such force that he cried out in pain.

"Bitch," Sakura muttered, "I wonder why do bitches live for so long?"

Then he smiled, a sadistic smile. Tetsu's vision seemed to spiral with anguish as Sakura's hand pressed against his wound till it almost seemed like it would never recover. Tetsu cried out in despair, but before he could get a hold of his own body, Sakura was sitting on top of him. He struggled feebly, more awake in a nightmare than ever, trying to throw Sakura off. A piece of cloth fell off, and his right leg was free, but Sakura was strong, way too strong for him.

"It's no use, Tetsu," Sakura whispered, kneeing Tetsu in the abdomen, and pain swiftly engulfed his entire being. He coughed in a desperate attempt to breathe. A soft laughter rang aloud in the silence, and before he knew it, Sakura had pulled that knife out of his pocket. It was still dyed red from the fresh blood which had been shed last night. The horror in Tetsu's heart glinted in the form of light reflecting from the knife. "Nee… If there is a god, you would have been dead long ago…. Or was god laughing at my pain while I was in jail?"

The knife plunged into his thigh this time. Pain was indescribable as Sakura dragged it down, pulling it deeper and deeper into his flesh. Tears overflowed his eyes and his cries were loud; but these only seemed to motivate Sakura further. Finally, Sakura pulled it out slowly, and then impaled it deeper into the ravaged flesh, turning the blade in an agonizing motion.

Tetsu screamed.

Sakura pulled the blade out again. The wound gushed fresh blood. Sakura's eyes were on it, looking with such a fascination that it seemed as if he had been feeding on the rich liquid, while Tetsu clutched on to the sheets tightly, as if it was his life which he was clinging on to. He wished it was all a dream. A nightmare, perhaps… He wished that he could wake up to Hyde's smiling face and never see this man again. But, there he was…

The knife cut through the leather of his belt, through the fabric of his pants and into his lower abdomen. God, will this never end…?

……Maybe, God is really laughing at me now…

It was probably more intended to rip through the fabric than through his flesh, though the knife cut none-too-gently along his thigh. From the tear, Sakura pulled it apart roughly, peeling the soaked fabric which clung painfully onto the wounds, and yanked it away thoroughly.

A deadly apprehension flooded his entire being, making him feel dizzy. "Sakura, no….!"

The latter only smirked as he pulled the bonds apart, hauled Tetsu up with all his might, and turned him over. He gasped, in pain, and his weakened body was flung against the bed.

"Please, no……" The knife was dragged over his cheeks dangerously.

"And why not? I love you, Tetsu…" He laughed again, coldly this time, and kicked Tetsu's legs apart. "Don't you dare move."

"No…!" Tetsu shut his eyes, thrashing about more violently. His body—it only belonged to Hyde… He could not comprehend the thought of anyone else in him. Sakura's grip on his lower back tightened, and with the other hand, hit him with such might that he almost blacked out… He wished he did, so that he wouldn't have to feel the humiliation as the fingers slid into him roughly. It was so painful; it was nothing like Hyde's touch.

Please, everything, just stop—

His mind pleaded, as he struggled harder, only to have Sakura's hand press tighter against his wounds.

No……

He cried harder, he would rather suffer from being cut that being violated this way. He felt Sakura entering him painfully; it seemed like he himself was tearing apart. He was; the blood flowed out, making it somewhat less painful… He was hurting more on the inside. It was too much for his small body, and blackness drifted in, flooding his vision once or twice.

"….Hyde…" When the darkness went away, he was lying there weakly. Sakura had gone, only after whispering some gently threatening words, and showing him the lock which would hold the door shut. Nausea poured in with accompaniment of the pain, and he felt sick, but he did not care what would happen anymore. All he longed for was Hyde, his beauty, the comfort of holding his body against his own, the feeling of their heartbeats merging into one.

Maybe… Hyde won't want me anymore…

With shaking hands, he reached out for the shredded remains of his pants, and tried to cover up his wrecked self. As he did so, something fell from the pocket, from an opened box. It seemed to be a hint of hope to him, the way it gleamed in the light. On closer look, he found that there was a new crack in it. His fingers closed around it unsteadily, and he held it close to his heart for a while.

"Hyde……" He broke down again.

***

No one was there to listen, no one was there to care even if he cried his heart out. He was barely asleep when Sakura came in again.

"Tetsu, I got something really special for you," The tall dark form seemed almost welcoming for the intrude in the loneliness, if not for the fact that it caused more suffering through recollection.

He didn't reply; there was no use in any words of all sorts. He knew that the more he wanted it to stop, the more Sakura would not. His fear and sadness had been turned to hatred during the time which he had lain there helplessly, while his tears flowed till his eyes were almost dry. Sakura held up a black pouch, a small smile on his silent lips.

Tetsu's eyes widened in the shock of realization.

"Do you remember this? I could never do without it. They confiscated mine, so I got a new one," His tone was light, but it made it worse for Tetsu. "Only that this time, it's not for me, but you."

"You… You can't……" He whispered, his body racking up in pain as he spoke, as he tried to get up. "No…"

"Objection overruled," In Sakura's eyes were pure evil and hatred. And cold satisfaction. He unzipped the bag slowly, revealing an assortment of syringes. "Look, I prepared some of them before I came in."

Tetsu gasped, shaking his head.

"Beg me, and I might reconsider," Sakura grabbed hold of Tetsu's shoulder, pushing him back down onto the sheets. Tetsu gasped again, his eyes wide with horror.

"No, Sakura, no…"

"Well, you deserve it after all you've done to hurt me inside," Sakura murmured, leaning down to kiss him as he held Tetsu's arm, pulling a belt around it and tightened. A refreshing feeling, as if dry ice were subliming on his skin, was felt as Sakura poured some white liquid onto a piece of cotton and rubbed it against his arm. It smelt like alcohol.

"Please… No……" Tetsu choked helplessly, closing his eyes so that he would not have to see Sakura's face, or the sickly way the liquid seemed to drift in the syringe. "Sakura…"

He smiled, seeming satisfied, and looked at the syringe again, withdrawing his hand. Tetsu almost heaved a sigh of relieve, when, in a movement too fast for Tetsu to comprehend, the needle jabbed down into his exposed skin. It slowed down upon the first entrance, then gradually pushed its way through, its coldness chilling him, the pain making him wince. "Tetsu…"

The needle was slowly being pulled out after being inside his veins for some time.

"Tetsu, you know, the pleasure I had when I felt this sinking into my mind, was enough to make me forget many things. I could close my eyes and not feel anything, neither hunger nor pain, as if I was detached from the world. You know, the love I had felt right then disintegrated as the drug intruded my bloodstream, melting into nothingness… Tetsu, do you feel that now? You may not, right now, but maybe later. You'll forget the pain I caused you, and soon you'll be begging for more," He paused for a slight moment, once he had finished unfastening the belt. Tetsu's mind reeled, as the needle was pulled out and the syringe thrown against the wall with a loud sounding crack. A surge of pleasure made its way up to his mind and warmth engulfed him slowly like a monster, radiating from his arm, and he could barely hear as Sakura continued…

"You will love me and loathe me for it. And then you will regret doing all that you have ever done to me."

The colors seemed to be enhanced with a strange hue when his eyes reopened, everything suddenly felt fine. The pleasure roamed about in his mind, and he looked up to see Sakura's face there.

Even it did not faze him, because hurt seemed as far away to him as the bright sunny day. Even the desire to see the sky again melted in him, as his fingers slipped loose. The jewel dropped onto the sheets, but Tetsu flipped over before Sakura could notice it. His wounds did not seem to matter to him any more.

Sakura's smile appeared as he stood up and left the room.

***

Hyde was feeling fine that morning after all that rest, even though Ken and Yukihiro were still worried about his condition. He wanted to visit Tetsu's house; it had been two days since he last saw him and he was dead worried. It was not that he was afraid that Sakura would allow Tetsu to come to any harm—he trusted his friend for that—he was just anxious.

Ken and Yuki offered to go with him, so all three of them were standing at the door of Tetsu's apartment. Hyde rang the doorbell impatiently, but no one opened the door, so he searched for the key to Tetsu's home and found it in his wallet. The door opened without trouble, but the three of them stepped inside only to find that the house was empty.

"It was like this yesterday," Ken remarked, absent-mindedly fiddling with a small framed picture of Tetsu.

"Yesterday?" Hyde asked, surprised and annoyed that Ken had not told him about it.

"I came here yesterday," Ken murmured, and, noticing Hyde's displeasure, explained, "You were sick and all, so I didn't want you to worry about it."

Hyde glanced at Yukihiro, and simply raised an eyebrow.

Yuki nodded, "I didn't come with Ken because he thought I should take care of you."

"…Where can he be?" Hyde whispered, suddenly scared.

Ken put the picture down and patted his shoulder. "Nee… Don't worry, Sakura probably took him home since he doesn't know where Tetsu lives."

Hyde nodded, knowing that Sakura wouldn't allow Tetsu to be hurt, surely, Tetsu will be fine… But there was a nagging doubt, as if someone was calling him deep inside for help, and that person was Tetsu. Of course, it couldn't have been; he was not telepathic or anything. And that was beside the fact that he missed Tetsu. He was so used to seeing him everyday that he couldn't seem to be able to breathe properly without knowing that Tetsu is there by his side.

Then it occurred to him that he did not know of any way to contact Sakura.

On his birthday, Sakura just dropped by to visit, and he had forgotten to ask Sakura his whereabouts; he had missed Sakura so much. He admitted he had a small crush on Sakura (yes it's possible for people his age) before, he knew it would not last so they had better remain friends, and he suspected Sakura felt the same. But things were different now; Sakura was a good friend whom he missed so much.

He thought he'd ask. "Ken, do you know Sakura's number?"

"What?!" Ken exclaimed, obviously surprised. "Don't you have it?"

Hyde shook his head. Yukihiro fidgeted and began looking around the house. Hyde got irritated and started to say something, but Yuki suddenly exclaimed, "Found it!"

"What?" Ken asked.

"The phone directory!" Yuki beamed, slamming the thick book down on the table. "Knowing Tet-chan, I'm sure he has the latest copy."

"But…." Hyde murmured, fingering the pages intently. "Sakura won't have his number listed. I thought you'd know that, Yuki….."

Yukihiro's expression turned to disappointment, and Ken patted him on the shoulder gently.

"Do you want to go to Sakura's old house to check? He might have moved, but—" Hyde slowly suggested, too troubled to think about how much his tactlessness had hurt Yuki. No one had anything to say against that, so all of them headed towards Sakura's old home.

***

The lights had dimmed and the colors seemed to return to their original sickly hue. Tetsu felt like vomiting, but nothing came out; pain returned to torture him with a vengeance and his head spun, not only from hunger, but a severe pain. And it was suddenly cold, chilling cold. He shivered, not only because of the cold, and he could barely think straight.

If there had been anything in his stomach, he would probably have vomited it all out; nausea hit him so badly. But he had not eaten anything since the night he was captured, and god knows when was that—Time passed by without hint inside the room.

The emotions hit him hard again.

Suddenly, he was panicking; for the stage where he could not feel anything to come back again. At that moment, the longing for a glimpse of his lover's face surged up in his heart again. He could feel the dried blood against his skin and the sheets, he could still feel the pain radiating from his wounds amidst the torture. He could feel the humiliation and hatred.

He would have been grateful when Sakura appeared again, if not for the fact that he hated him so much. Here was the person who had hurt him, and was then trying to ruin him by making him forget the pain. Yet he could not help but yearn for that earlier stage, if it was the only way to get out of it.

"So, how do you feel?" Sakura smiled, holding up that little black pouch in one hand, in the other that cursed knife.

His breathing grew rapid, and he did not try to move. Tears stung his eyes once again.

"Was that too little for you?" Sakura sat down beside him, kissing his lips almost gently, and dragged the knife over his mutilated chest. It hurt, but he did not care anymore. Seeing no response, Sakura laughed softly. He took out yet another syringe, and mockingly studied it. "If you want more, I've prepared some for you."

Tetsu shook his head weakly.

"God, you're beautiful…" He murmured, pulling the tip of the blade along Tetsu's face, and bent down to kiss him again. Tetsu cringed, recoiling from the touch.

Stop… Please, just leave me alone… .He pleaded silently. He knew it was useless, so he kept it from Sakura's knowledge. It would only magnify the pleasure which Sakura had taken in torturing him, in making him feel horrible. Yet Sakura seemed to know the pain which he had caused hurting him, both inwardly and outwardly. He continued kissing him, watching Tetsu's hands clutch at the sheets in both fear and the maddeningly humiliating degradation.

The belt was tightened around his arm, and slowly, the needle pierced in, just as he lost himself in the insane torture of Sakura's kisses and caresses. He could barely feel it, but as it came he felt the pleasure, the comfort. It happened all over again. His eyes rimmed with water, and a tear fell out. It felt so good, and then he sank deeper into his own consciousness. Sakura's kisses almost did not seem to exist.

"If I add more, you'll be gone," Sakura whispered against his ears, pressing himself against Tetsu. "But not until I'm done."

It did not register in Tetsu's mind. Sakura kissed him again, and left the room, his expression suddenly a sad one.

*** Sakura is not evil, he's just disillusioned.

It had almost been a week ever since they visited Sakura's house. Sakura had moved; in place of their ex-drummer was a cheery family. The teenage girl was almost bursting with eagerness when she saw Hyde, and started telling them how much she loved them, tried to show them all her CDs, books, and posters. Finally, her parents came home; Hyde thought that they were someone whom he could talk to, but they did not know Sakura's whereabouts, and tried to make them stay for dinner.

They refused, of course, politely.

He was still worried; Sakura might be known to disappear as and when he wanted to, but not Tetsu. He knew Tetsu couldn't live a day without seeing him, and he was desperately yearning for his beloved's face already. The late afternoon air was cool, as he trudged on, hoping to catch a glimpse of Sakura—or Tetsu, but somehow he doubted Tetsu would be on the streets when he could see him—surely, something must have happened. Sakura still did not contact him; he had forgotten to give him his mobile phone anyway, and there was no messages from Sakura in the answering machines.

He was tired, so he sat down to rest beside a fountain. It's just useless, isn't it…

He buried his face in his hands in despair.

***

All this time, Tetsu was fed more and more drugs, and violated as and when Sakura felt like it. There was hardly an area of skin that was not riddled with scars or wounds, and without drugs, he felt so helpless. He knew he was rapidly being addicted; it was Sakura's plan, to feed him drugs and then make sure he was deprived of it, then feed him again—there he also knew that he needed it to stay away from the pain.

Hyde's face never left his mind. His pining was not apparent to him in the haze of the drugs, but it seemed as if it was the reason he was living, no matter how much he wished he was dead. Especially when he was coming down from the high, and sinking deep into the deep dark sea. It was not so smooth the sinking had been for him, and every moment passed was a moment from hell.

However, he survived. The reason he was alive—Hyde was still on the earth, and they would have a chance to meet again.

And once the hell ended… Once he was able to see the sun again.. .But when would that be…?

***

The melody of Sweet Dream's beginning sounded, and Hyde immediately knew that someone had called in. Hastily, he fumbled for the mobile phone. "Hello?"

"Hyde-san?" It was Ken's voice. "I found Sakura's address."

Hyde almost dropped the phone when he heard that, and an utopian relief swept through his tired being. "Where?! Where is he?" He demanded, propping the equipment up so that he could hear better.

"Calm down," Ken sounded tired as well. "Well… Yuki was visiting his friend the other day—"

"Hurry up and tell me where he is," Hyde practically yelled into the mouthpiece.

"Okay, okay. Like I said, calm down. We got this information from a friend of Sakura's, but we're not sure whether it's correct, cause he hasn't seen Sakura in quite some time either. Don't get your hopes up to high, okay?" Ken took in a deep breath.

"……I know," Hyde murmured, his head hung low. "But just tell me where he may be… God, am I dreaming?"

Ken would have laughed if he had not been at the edge of his nerves for the past week. "If you are, wake up… We all want Tetsu to be okay. Anyway… Here's the address. You have pen and paper?"

Hyde fumbled in his pockets. He scolded himself for not bringing pens wherever he went, and hurriedly looked around. "Wait a moment." There was a couple at the other side of the fountain, in uniform. Students…In hurried steps, he walked towards them. If it had been normal circumstances, he would have felt embarrassed at walking in on two people embracing, but right then, right there, he could not care less. "Excuse me, do you have a pen?"

The guy eyed him with some hatred, and the girl slowly moved aside, eyeing him with some strange look he did not want to think about. "Hey, are you Laruku's Haido?"

He shook his head. "Please, I need a pen."

The guy glanced at her, and she dragged herself to the where the backpacks lay, searched for the pencil case, and brought out a pen. He could hear the teenager murmur, "These rich asses sure have attitude problems."

Under normal circumstances, he would not bear with them, but he was so tired. She handed him an ink fountain pen, and he mumbled his gratitude before turning back to the phone. "Ken?"

"It's in an old apartment building, here write it down…" Hyde could hear the crumpling of some papers, as Ken told him an address in Tokyo. It was apparently one of the cheapest places which anyone could get in Tokyo, and most run-down as well. "Where are you now?"

"You?" He answered, handing the student back her pen before walking away.

"I'm at Yuki's. Do you…?"

"I'll come over. Call a cab." Hyde said, and before Ken could have a chance to say good bye, switched off the phone. Tetsu… Sakura… He only wanted reassurance that everything was fine. Is that too much to ask for? He thought, a headache clouding his misery-filled mind further up.

***

Sakura entered the room again. There Tetsu was, shivering in a corner, his muscles tightening and releasing in convulsion. He was once again in too much pain to sleep. Bloodshot eyes did not even seem to recognize him as he shook him with all his might.

"Tetsu, time for your medication." He was not fazed by the suffering of Tetsu, but soon it would be an end. Slowly, painfully… He had tortured Tetsu enough. The revenge was over, and he wanted to get it over with, and get on with his life.

If it could be called a life, He bitterly thought.

The belt was fastened against Tetsu's pale skin. As Sakura watched his hands in an unfeeling motion do the things he was so familiar with once again, he smiled sadly. "Tetsu, you're still beautiful… Why must you be so beautiful? I hate you."

Then he held the smaller man close tightly, feeling him limply leaned against him like a mannequin. And in another second he shoved him away, injecting the needle again…

The hazy world seemed to drift into a heavy fog. Sakura watched Tetsu carefully, studying him as he would a fascinated child and a spider, knowing what was happening and still interested in the process.

"Sleep well, Tetsu," He murmured, kissing him on the forehead. It felt moist, and cold. If he was just anyone else, if he hadn't been through all that he had been, and if he hadn't been the one who have done it, he would have felt sorry for Tetsu's suffering. He would feel sorry that such a talented man was dying in front of him. He still retained some of that humanity, about the talent—but he felt that Tetsu's suffering was worth it.

He would stay by Tetsu's side, until the second that he was dead. He watched as Tetsu's chest stop heaving so fast, and gradually slowed.

Soon, to his knowledge, there would not be enough oxygen in Tetsu's lungs, and brain. He did not know how long, but he would wait as long as he was able to watch it happen.

***

The cab ride was taking too long. Hyde shifted his position yet again, and Ken drummed his fingers restlessly against the back of the driver's seat, more than slightly irritating the driver. Yuki stared out of the window, calmly, but anyone could see from the crease in his forehead that he was just as worried as the other two.

Streets whizzed by them, as did people, everything and everyone seemed trivial to them.

Hyde closed his eyes, suddenly feeling sick. He could vaguely hear a faint voice at the back of his mind, going "help me, help me…" repeatedly. It sounded so pitiful it was driving him insane, and he decided that it was his inner self crying for help.

"God, please…" He prayed that Tetsu would be there, and so would Sakura. He prayed that both of them were sitting on the clean white cushions playing checkers in a brightly lit room. Then when he walked in, both of them would smile at him, and Sakura would apologize in that hasty way of his, about his keeping Tetsu late. Tetsu would say that he did not know that Hyde would worry so much about him, and that he was really sorry, it would never happen again…….

The ride seemed even longer, but they gradually came to a stop. Without a second thought Ken fished into his pockets and gave the driver a wad of notes. Hyde and Yuki climbed out of the car as fast as they could.

"One-zero-two…"

"Which side is it?" Yuki asked, looking around.

The building was small, but there were many rooms, and the corridor was not even properly lit, even though it was day. Cracks manifested the wall and mounds grew in the darker and dankest places. It seemed as if there was supposed to be a caretaker, but the person in charge was nowhere to be seen. Hyde could not imagine living in such places—even from stories of bands starting out they were rich enough to rent one closest to central Tokyo. At the worst, they crowded together. But not at such a dump. He was pretty sure Sakura could not be that broke—even if he was, Hyde would have lent him anyway.

"This, I suppose," Ken had examined the numbers on the doors. "Fifth floor."

There was no elevator, and they had to climb the stairs. It did not take too much effort, yet their footsteps were heavy. They finally reached their destination, and knocked on the door.

After a moment, a little girl opened it. Not too little, maybe around thirteen, but small enough for Hyde to tell that she had run away from home and was living under appalling conditions. Maybe it was just his imagination working against him.

"Is Sakurazawa Yasunori here…?" Ken asked.

She shook her head. "I think you're looking in the wrong place."

"Sou ka…" Ken murmured, disappointed. "Thanks anyway."

"Welcome," The girl replied with a small smile, and shut the door.

"We're here… Back at the starting point," Hyde whispered. His heart seemed to sink right though the ground he was standing on. He was afraid, suddenly afraid. Yuki held his hand gently, and Hyde accepted its warmth.

"Den hadn't seen Sakura for a long time either," Ken murmured, rubbing his temples. He studied the characters which was scribbled down in an almost illegible manner..

"Are you sure it’s the right address?" Yuki asked stubbornly.

"….No." Ken seemed to be in deep thought. "I was in a hurry when Den told me the address… Well… Suppose this is a six and not a zero."

"That's it…" Yuki turned to Hyde, trying to comfort him with a smile. "We'll find him."

Hyde could only hope, even though he suddenly lost faith.

"Come on. It's at the other side."

They shuffled through the silent corridors, turning round a corner. One-one-five… One-one-six… One-one-nine… One-three-zero… One-three-four… The number read one-six-two about three rooms away from the last.

"Let's hope he's here," Ken chewed on his lower lip as he knocked against the wooden door.

Knock… Knock… Hyde's heart seemed to beat in the rhythm which Ken's knuckles rapped against the door. Please, let them be there—

They waited for some time, but no one came to open the door.

"They're not there," Ken murmured.

Hyde pressed his ears against the door and listened. There was not a single sound, even though he somehow dreaded it having any.

***

Sakura got up, holding the black pouch. Tetsu's breathing was faint, almost too faint to be detected. He felt somewhat empty, as he stood there not knowing what to do.

He decided to get himself some drink; his throat was dry. He ambled his way to the kitchen, set the pouch onto the counter, got a glass, and started filling it with water from a bottle of mineral water. The sound of rushing water seemed so loud to him; after being in that tranquil silence listening to Tetsu's breaths and heartbeats for so long.

Knocks sounded on the door. Slowly, cautiously, he made his way towards it, and peeped into the knothole. He gasped in shock and realization that they had found his place, and if they knew about Tetsu…

Especially Hyde…

He froze. The glass slipped from his quivering fingers and fell down onto the hard floor, shattering into pieces.

"Sakura! You in there?! Let me in!" It was Hyde's pleading voice, as he pounded on the door with all of his strength. "Sakura—"

His steps on the glass cut his feet, and he hesitated as to whether he should respond.

"Sakura! Are you there?" Ken's voice.

"Sakura! Please answer…!"

His hand rested on the knob, as his mind tried to think quickly. I'll just let them come in, he decided. I won't let them into the room Tetsu's in… He won't have the energy to come out anyway. He looked through that hole again. Hyde's disheveled form was seen.

Pain overflowed his heart, as he slowly turned it. Hyde practically fell onto him. "Hyde…?"

Hyde's eyes were filled with fatigue and worry, and he was on the edge of bursting into tears, but he managed to retain his emotions. Sakura held his hands, helping him to regain his balance.

"Careful, there's glass on the floor." He warned, his hands still on Hyde's.

"Sakura, you're bleeding." Hyde murmured, his voice weak and weary. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Sakura smiled warmly.

"You'd better bandage that up," Ken remarked. "Do you have any band aids in your house?"

"Yeah… In the kitchen. It's a mess though."

"I'll get it for you," Ken offered.

"I'll help," Yukihiro grinned at Sakura politely.

"Thanks," He returned their smiles, and opened the door wider for them to enter. Ken and Yukihiro took off their shoes, lay them onto the rack, and stepped in, carefully avoiding the glass pieces. He led Hyde into the living room for a seat at the pathetic-looking cushions.

"Sakura… Your feet okay?" Hyde's eyes was enough to make anyone melt.

"Yes, I'm fine…" Sakura assured, as Hyde's eyes roamed the house. There was not much to see; a small kitchen where Ken and Yuki were fumbling around, and one closed door to the room. That was all.

Hyde did not say anything, as he buried his face in his hands. He emerged teary, as he gazed at Sakura. Slowly, he whispered, "I was so scared… God…"

Sakura tried to say something, but before he could say anything, Hyde's voice sounded again.

"Do you know where's Tetsu? He's been disappearing for a week… I'm worried that he hasn't recovered from the poison, or that something had happened to him……"

He wanted to embrace that shivering form in front of him. He would have, if his heart had not felt as if it was stabbed and torn into pieces. "No, I don't. He's all right when he left here."

"Sou ka…" Hyde's face fell.

"Yeah…" Sakura put an arm around Hyde's small shoulders, wishing that it was he whom Hyde was looking for, and not that bitch.

***

"Yuki, stop your fiddling about and come help me find that stupid band aid!" Ken grumbled, throwing the cupboard door shut.

"I'm sorry," Yukihiro muttered, and looked around. "I don't think he actually has it anywhere… Hey. Maybe it's in that pouch?"

Ken's face darkened visibly as soon as his eyes rested on it.

"Ken?"

In two sudden strides, he reached it and was unzipping it. Yuki gasped in shock as he saw what was revealed inside. A packet of white powder, carefully sealed and opened and sealed again—and some syringes, cotton wool, the black belt which Ken was sure he had seen somewhere before.

"Drugs—"

"He's still taking drugs?" Yukihiro was visibly worried, but Ken seemed to be thinking about more than that.

"I don't think so. He does look healthier than before… A bit tired, but he's healthier…… …Don't tell me—" His eyes turned round as he stared at Yuki. "He's not using it on himself, but someone else."

"……….Tetsu—"

"But we can't be sure… We'll confront him, and see if he lets any evidence lose…" Ken's brows furrowed. "But… I hope he didn't do anything…"

He took the pouch in his hands, and the two of them walked slowly to the living room.

***

"Sakura."

His head turned, in shock at the flatness of the voice. His heart was panicking when he saw that Ken was holding his black pouch in his hands… Where did they find that?! His mind suddenly raced back to the time when he got out for a drink. Yes… Not expecting any company, he had set it on the counter.

"You don't take drugs anymore, do you?"

He shook his head, and glanced at Hyde. Hyde was looking at the two of them, a serious expression on his face. "Sakura…? Ken, what happened?"

Ken unzipped the pouch and let its contents fall onto the floor. Hyde shook his head in horror, as he realized what it implied. "Sakura… Didn't you quit?"

"I did," He replied in an even voice.

"Then what is this doing here?" Ken demanded. "You aren't addicted, and they confiscated all your drugs. The reason you're living in these dumps is because you spent all your money on this, isn't that correct?"

He was rendered silent, and nervously he glanced at Hyde. Tears flooded Hyde's eyes, in both disbelief and sadness, as he glanced up at him, hoping that everything was not true.

"Where is Tetsu? You were the last who had seen him," Ken's eyes flickered, somewhat grievously. "You fed him the drugs, right…?"

"……."

"Sakura." Those large eyes pleaded at him.

"……." His shell melted, and the inner him cracked. Almost decisively, he nodded his head, a small crooked smirk on his lips, as he added somewhat cruelly, "I think he's dead from overdose by now."

"Where is he?!" Hyde demanded, tears flowing freely by then, his eyes filled with pain and hatred from the betrayal. He grabbed Sakura by the collar, his strength overpowering Sakura's in his burning fury. "Where is he!"

"….In the room." His façade remained unmoved, as Hyde let go of him, dashing towards the door. Ken and Yuki had already opened it.

There, in the dim yellow light, in the isolated room dyed with blood, was a pale lifeless body.

"Tetsu…!" Hyde's face crumpled as he made his way to his lover. The solitude which was fringed with crimson hung over his heart like a shroud suddenly, and he could see nothing but a view of that beautiful face blurred by tears. His body felt so cold to his touch, and his skin was a slight bluish tint. Hyde's chest tightened, as he held his beloved close to his heart. "Tetsu… Tetsu……"

Yuki closed his eyes; it was positively repulsive the way the room was filled with such an atmosphere. He could not imagine how Sakura could do that to anyone. Ken seemed to have gone mad; he flung the table over, the bloodied equipment on it falling onto the ground with a sickening sound.

When his gaze fell back there again, on Hyde's face was an unbelievable expression.

"Call the hospital…" Hyde looked up anxiously at them, a hint of hope surfacing through the tears of despair. "He… He's breathing!"

***

The time had passed by very slowly; and he hated it. He was staring blankly into Tetsu's sleeping features, glad that he was yet all right. He was filled with fatigue—he could not sleep. All he was looking forward to was Tetsu's awakening, was to see Tetsu's beautiful eyes again.

"Hyde, you should go home and sleep," Yuki's hand rested on his shoulder gently. Hyde nodded, his eyes seeing through Yuki as if he did not exist. "…….Want some breakfast?"

He shook his head, hugging himself tightly, and transfixed his eyes back onto Tetsu's form.

"Let's leave them alone, Yuki," Ken suggested, gesturing towards the door. Yukihiro turned, and nodded in agreement.

The door shut with a slight noise, and Hyde continued staring into Tetsu's face. His mind was in a blank; his breaths seemed nonexistent. All he could acknowledge was his own heartbeats.

A finger twitched.

Hyde was not sure if it was his imagination; he woke up from his daze suddenly, and slowly walked towards Tetsu's side. His hands caressed Tetsu's hair, his heart filled with a brutal sadness. Now that he was so close, he could not help noticing the fading scars on Tetsu's face, of the little cuts. He tried to ignore the memory of the doctor saying that his thigh was impaled badly and it would probably take a long time to heal. And that Tetsu would feel horrible when he woke up, from withdrawal, even though he was drugged for as long as he could for him to stay unconscious. And the wounds of Sakura's rape—Hyde felt sick.

"Tetsu…" He whispered, shutting his eyes tightly, knowing that if he had been more careful, this would not have happened. It was half the reason for his pain. The other half, was knowing that Tetsu had been violated in so many ways and he knew nothing about it, felt none of the hurt which Tetsu had went through. "….Have I ever told you I love you? Did I ever tell you the songs which I wrote for you? The poems? Did you know…?"

He tried not to cry. The hot tears were burning in his eyes, but they did not fall, because he did not allow them to. He did not deserve the luxury of crying.

He opened those eyes again, and agonizingly traced his fingers along the wounds. Tetsu was still as beautiful as ever, even with all those blood, all those scars… Tetsu flinched. He hurriedly lifted his touch, immediately regretting that he had caused Tetsu even the slightest pain.

"….Hyde…" Tetsu's voice was painstakingly saddening. "Save me…"

"Tetsu…" His hands found Tetsu's, and he squeezed them tightly. The tears rolled down his cheeks, down his chin, and onto Tetsu's hand. "I'm sorry…"

He finally dared to look up again after a long time, remaining in that kneeling position, he continued praying that Tetsu would be all right. Tetsu's murmurs sounded so loud in his ears. It hurt him to see Tetsu going through so much… Then Tetsu started reeling. At first it seemed as if Tetsu was waking, but as Tetsu's teeth began to chatter even through his closed eyes, he knew that Tetsu was suffering through withdrawal, and it was a severe one. He was hunched over, suddenly, his face grew bluish again, and he felt cold, very cold to the touch. He shivered and shook vigorously.

Hyde's face was a mixed shock of confusion as he watched, not knowing what to do. Tetsu's hands clawed the bed sheets, even though he was still sleeping, as if he was searching for something, someone to take away his pain. Slowly, he reached out for Tetsu's hand, and held it tightly, feeling its grip lock like an iron clasp. He continued praying.

Praying that it would be all right…

All right…

All right…

Please, God, Tetsu doesn't deserve it…. If you must, lighten his load of pain onto me… Please, please…

Let him be all right…

Endless hours passed, and he was holding onto Tetsu's hand, praying. He was in a waken trance, as he held Tetsu's hand, not even noticing the nurses who came by to ensure that Tetsu was sleeping or his friends who had left with a sad expression on their faces, as he watched Tetsu's suffering grow and recede. The sky was an azure blue outside; it was an indication of the time which passed.

Tetsu's grip slowly grew limp, and Hyde was filled with a horror that Tetsu might be dead, even though his chest was still heaving gently. He grasped him even more tightly, afraid that Tetsu would slip away from him any time.

So afraid, that he would lose someone else precious again. He had lost his best friend twice, and now…

"Please, let him be all right…" His eyes were closed in a prayer.

The thought seemed to float into the late afternoon sky, even through the cosmos and into the heavens above.

***

He laid painfully against the bloodied bed, seeing the piece of gem which Tetsu had lain on all the time. It was polluted with the blood of suffering, as he gazed at it. It looked so much like Tetsu was his first thought.

All of a sudden, he laughed; the mad laughter echoed through the empty apartment.

He buried his face into his hands, clawing at himself, almost tearing his hair out… Wishing that he could just disappear.

God… I hate this world, I hate you all…

He fell asleep curled up on the bed, as he seemed to sink into the smell of the blood.

***

Eternity seemed to have passed; maybe it did. By that time, it was morning. Hyde was asleep, his hand still entwined with Tetsu's. He did not notice that Tetsu's eyelashes fluttered, he did not see that Tetsu's eyes were opening, those bloodshot eyes having changed with incomprehension and hurt.

And he did not see Tetsu's face crumpling into extreme joy, as he found Tetsu looking down at him…

"Tetsu, I love you…" He murmured.

"I love you too, Hyde…" Tetsu cried, trying to move, but ending up wincing in pain. But still he did; he wanted to embrace the figure which he had so longed to see in his times of hell. The endless suffering since the poisoning, the tortures of Sakura, and then the withdrawal… He'd been through so much. He felt as if he was being torn apart, and all these while he had been sustaining just to see his lover's face. "……I really do."

And he gave up, falling back in pain and the numbness from all the anesthetizing. He watched from where he could, Hyde's sleeping features, so sincere and unmasked like a little child's.

Everything was fine, everything was all right. Because the suffering was gone, and he was not alone, at long last…

He would have smiled, if not for the fact that he had forgotten how. His eyes flooded with tears again, as he thanked the heavens above for letting him find back what his lost—his shining gem.

***

Slowly, inevitably, time passed. Hyde was somewhat grateful for its fleeting, but at the same time he felt so helpless. He felt as if he was drifting in an endless sea, as he looked after his beloved, as he tried not to think of Sakura. He could not help feeling so betrayed, so exposed, and chased away any police or reporters. Tetsu would refuse to give his testimony against Sakura, until they told him that he would be arrested if he did not say anything. Hyde felt so angry, so helpless, but he did clarify that he wanted no charges pressed against Sakura.

So much for being a good friend, faithful to the end. A bitter laugh was engaged in his throat.

The police told him that he would be charged for possessing drugs anyway if personal assault did not count.

However, no one found him, no one did… Sakura seemed to have disappeared from the face of the earth, like dust in the wind. The only sign that Sakura left was the cleaned moonstone, lying on the table, without a note. Hyde was farther pissed off when the policemen said that they would keep it as evidence, and until Tetsu insisted that he had bought it himself and would so much like it back or he would sue them for infringement of ownership, they did not relent.

And slowly, as time flew by, they were left in peace again. Tetsu was still hardly able to walk, but he insisted on playing bass no matter how much his hands trembled, no matter that the craving for drug suddenly came back faintly to attack his mind again. The after effects of heroin was a pain in the ass.

Hyde would help Tetsu, help him go about back and forth, and even though Ken and Yuki had offered their help, Hyde declined. He felt partly responsible for all that had happened, and he would never forgive himself. He would not allow the others to bear his sin.

And he never was able to say those three words to Tetsu. He could only utter words of strained comfort, and the two of them were so distant even though they were so close. He saw the tears in Tetsu's eyes, and the fear. But he did not know what those were for, even though he had a hunch. Tetsu had moved over to stay at his place, because he was unable to take care of himself alone, and because he had nightmares. Whenever Hyde left Tetsu alone in the house, he would find him curled up and shivering in one of the corners, crying pitifully.

And at night, Hyde could only watch Tetsu suffer the memories all over again in his own nightmares. He watched him clutch his chest painfully, and he would get away from his side of the mattress to hold Tetsu tightly, until the shivering receded. The only times when Tetsu seemed to feel safe and secure was when Hyde was near him, with an open embrace. The two of them would lie intertwined at night, and it was only then that the two of them were drawn nearer, it was only then that they would open up.

It was such painful times. And yet those times passed, and with it the effects of Sakura's appearance fading away into dust like he did.

The two of them slowly returned to before Sakura came, and even closer.

And, one night, when they lie near each other, holding hands, looking out of the window into the cosmos, Tetsu would present to him the moonstone.

And they would be together forever.

***

A disfigured figure walked through the woods, and back into his tiny house in the less developed places of the country. The trees towered over him, as he gazed up sadly at the sunlight shining through the canopy. He was living like a wild man, occasionally given charity by some of the nearby residents.

He would go back to the small village and work for the farmers, and back to his own place again.

He passed by a notice board near the police station, when one day he had an errand to run. He couldn't help stopping, seeing a familiar face, the face which had been gone for so long, which he had so longed for. He laughed, madly, tears in his eyes, leaving the people to wonder.

***

A little girl walked through the woods, to the riverside as she always had to catch the fishes.

Then, a loud shattering scream pierced the silence.

The river was a slight diluted red, and as they walked up its source, they found…

A fresh, dead corpse.
___________________________________________________________________________________________

~Owari~

Monday, February 28, 2000 6:32:47 AM

Notes: phew! ^-^;; Uh… Comments please? And sorry for the crappy ending (~~) watched too much YYH… hahaha… ^^;

~hidoko matsumoto

http://xz0ne.cjb.net
voidmatsumoto@yahoo.co.uk