by hidoko matsumoto/v0id, May 22 2000 Mon

Deep into the night. Floatingly, Tetsu's shadow fell onto the white drapes, forming a huanting yet beautiful picture. Observing carefully, yes, it was him again alright. The young him continued to lift his head, gazing at this shadow.

"Iya! Waited for you so long!"

"Hyde, sorry, today I'm so busy..." He smiled guiltily. "That's why I'm late."

Those large innocent eyes which continued to gaze at Tetsu seemed to have stars shining inside. Wilfully, he continued to whine, "Come on, let's play hide-and-seek!"

"Fine, fine." Not knowing why, Tetsu's stable smile seemed to calm him down. "But, today we won't be playing. Let's watch the stars, okay?"

Silence for a moment. Hyde wanted to continue insisting, so he tearfully looked at Tetsu. In his heart, there was actually nothing much which he wanted, except to feel special. At last, Tetsu would try to make him happy, to convince him, until he was sure that there was no one who was more blissful than he was in the whole world.

***

How innocent he was in childhood!

Hyde couldn't help feeling a bit of hatred towards his own memories, and a bit of melancholy, because others could tell people about their childhood memories. For him, he would only get jeered at. From there a feeling of hatred for Tetsu was born. Very much, hated him. Who else would have a "dream spirit" as their companions? He hated Tetsu for choosing him, for becoming his life's greatest "happiness". If his own happiness came from this inexistant... being.. .this, could it be called happiness?

How could he be sure that all these ten years, he hadn't been only dreaming?

He also remembered the phrase which Tetsu said, "I will forever make sure that you're happy!". What Hyde hated so deeply was, that he actually went to take note. He wanted to forget everything right then, and then declare that all these years he'd been studying hard for his dream, which was not to be in Tetsu's embrace forever, but to become a "doctor" like other normal kids... Like him, right then, it was impossible to become happy.

He stared at the front, even though he could feel Tetsu's presence already. ... ...No longer a kid!

"Hyde, I brought you something today... ..." Tetsu patted his shoulder lightly. Hyde turned to glare at him, to see that his hand was clenched. Suddenly, Tetsu released his grip, and many flower petals fell onto his head.

"What are you doing! You dirtied the bed!" Hyde scolded.

Immediately, Tetsu's smile lost its color, and even his normally shining eyes lost its glint. He hurriedly picked up the petals, murmuring, "I'm sorry!"

"Hn!" Hyde wanted to vent all the anger from his heart. "I hate you most! Don't you have anything to do at night?! Always bugging me!"

"Hyde, Hyde..." Crystalline tears overflowed from Tetsu's eyes, "Unless, you've started to hate me?"

"Are you slow or what?! I hated you since long ago, why are you always pretending to not know, always bearing with me! There's no use crying, I won't pity you. I hate you, why don't you let me live alone like other kids?! No one believes in your existance, I don't believe either! What "dream spirit", it's all lies! I'm no longer a kid, I'm not!! Disappear from my life!" After the outburst, his chest suddenly felt so tight... ...

"... I'm sorry, Hyde, I... I don't know that you always felt this way..." His normally warm smile was finally broken, by Hyde's heartless words. "I... ...Won't disturb you then. You... If I can let you be happy, I will do as you say! This, is the only thing that I can do... ..."

Gradually, Tetsu's hand became semi-transparent, and then melted into the air. The petals which he'd held all along fell onto the floor. In the still moment, he could almost hear the petals hit the floor and crack.

"Goodbye, I'm disappearing, for you... ..." That warm smile, it floated back again, as if it could never be killed... ... . Only his beautiful face was left, but even that disappeared too.

Suddenly, Hyde felt his heart shake. "No, No!"

"... You are the most important."

...Tetsu was no longer around. He lifted his hand to carress Tetsu's smiling face, but it only grasped nothing. In a moment, he remembered Tetsu holding his younger form, gently telling him a nighttime story to get him to sleep... ... Hundreds of broken time pieces couldn't be singled out, but at that time, he saw a very important thing. He regretted, regretted his fraility which created the hate. Yes, because of his helplessness...

... ... He could only hate, the growing him, slowly being only able to see the reality... ....

... ... He could only hate, his wilfully carving the supposed happiness for himself, but ignored the sacrifices Tetsu made for him all these while... ....

Like those petals, his heart fell to the ground, and cracked with a splitting sound.

Afterword: Please forgive the not-so-good language of this story, but towards this I bear a very deep feeling... ... I hope to try to feel something, i can't say what it is, but... Un, please tell me your feelings!
Ah, by the way, "the growing him gradually could only see reality" was blatently copied from "yami no matsuei"! (bitter smile) --> Only saw the first part... (sweat) but, after that short story, I'm very touched.

p/s: thanks to rei for helping me edit this thing.
http://xz0ne.cjb.net
voidmatsumoto@yahoo.co.uk