Friday, June 09, 2000 1:17:06 AM

Xz0ner
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Notes: Jara's twisted mind, not mine. …well, my own interpretation, but it's her fault. :D Actually, I've been wanting to write a ghost story when I was young… And she reminded me. So, you have this fic. The title is not fixed yet…

Disclaimer: Dear L'Arc~en~Ciel members, please sue me so that I know you read my fic. I'd be really proud. Offer valid to L'Arc~en~Ciel's members only. While stocks last.
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The wind seemed to bear some colors as it caressed every single leaf in the yard, bringing them across the thinning grass. A short blonde, no more than five feet three, stood in the midst of this scene, dwarfed by the towering trees and the overgrown hedges. His features were deeply set, his lips delicate and full. His skin was pale, so pale it was almost glowing. His name was Hyde, and he was an artist.

Hyde squinted at each intricate design on the walls; they were splendidly done. He was glad that Ken had been so kind as to help him with accommodations; ever since his last painting, he hadn't had a good bout of inspiration. And such a beautiful place… He had heard Ken warn him about some resident ghost, but at first glance Hyde was in love with the house. It seemed like just the right place for him.

And now, he was finally moving in. Hyde smiled quietly. The place was so lonely, as he had been. If there was a ghost, perhaps he would gladly welcome it as well… But, ghosts didn't exist. He picked up his steps, carrying his heavy luggage nimbly for a person of his size and three suitcases of their size.

Unknown to this newcomer, a figure watched by the tall folding panes which stretched from floor to ceiling as a barrier against the balcony. The light barely shone in through the dimmed glass, but that creature was used to it. A feeling resembling fire built up in his chest, as his brows furrowed in the hatred which he was so used to. For, he didn't know how else to feel.

A sound of an opening door echoed throughout the small house, of no bigger than three rooms on each of the second and third floor, a kitchen and a living room at the ground floor, and a cellar in the basement.

A musty smell filled his nostrils, and he almost hurled from the breathing difficulties. The blonde looked around for a place to set his luggage, and decided that there was no where that could be any more dusty from any other, so he simply plopped them onto the floor. The dust arose and flew, making him sneeze. He covered his nose immediately, looking irritated. He decided to look around before doing anything else. He had thought Ken would have sent someone to dust it even if there was supposedly a residential ghost, and this made him even more annoyed.

The marble floor made a hard noise against his heels, click, click, click…

His eyes were wide again. The dirt did not diminish the place's beauty; the curtains were closed, but he pulled them open, wincing at the amount of dust which stuck to his gloves. It made him sneeze again, but the sunlight poured in like some liquid, covering him in its white pureness. He smiled, and turned around to look at the kitchen. The woods were dusty, but they did not look rotten. Even knives lay neatly unrusted on the walls. He was surprised; he had thought the place was uncared-for since long ago. It was as if by some miracle that everything was preserved in their most beautiful form.

Suddenly, the water ran from the basin, as if someone had turned it just when he went in. His eyes widened further, at a sudden gust of cold air which seemed to linger in the place. Then, he shook his head, deciding that that was just a loose tap, and turned it off. Even the tap seemed new, if not for the dust. It was all as well; a leaking tap was not proof of a ghost.

He stepped to the dining room. It looked like the living room, just with a wide-stretched table. There was only two sets of utensils laid out. They were sparkling even through the dust.

His shoes made more sounds and echoed through the house as he climbed up the carpeted stairs, the pillars a dull grayish white. He came to a tiny corridor. There was three rooms; the doors were all opened. The first three rooms were of brownish country-like interior. He continued climbing up the stairs, and came to a different storey. It looked similar to the second, and the first two doors were open, revealing interior similar to the first three. The third, however, was closed. The knob turned easily against his hand, as if welcoming him, and the sight which greeted him was perhaps of the most beautiful he had ever seen; Hyde would even go so far as to say that it was his dream place.

The walls were totally white, and feathers were strewn all over the place. A pillow lay tattered against the middle of a canopy bed where white mesh surrounded it, but that was all that there was to it. The windows stretched in panes from ceiling to floor, and the curtains were thrown open. The light came in thin wisps through a slight opening in the pane. Everything was in fine condition, just like the rest of the house.

He glanced around, slightly agape. Then, he pushed open the panes, to find that he was looking from a balcony towards the front garden. At the sides tall trees stood, almost reaching out to him, but in the middle, he could see a view of houses and the horizon. It was a nice sight.

"…This place must be for me." Hyde whispered, to himself.

Another reason which he liked it was perhaps that it was vacant. He decided to clean it up as the first thing, and went back down the staircase. Suddenly, he felt a force push him from behind, an external force. He fell, tumbling down, his head knocking painfully against the edges of the carpeted marble until he was dizzy. He finally lay at the bottom, his breath knocked out of him, barely conscious. He tried not to move for a moment, but when he finally did, there was nothing broken, although he could not be so sure about his skull.

He looked around, his eyes darting suspiciously. Finally, he reprimanded himself for being silly. There was no such thing as ghosts… It must just have been his imagination.

He went to fetch his suitcases. They still lay in the middle of the doorway, untouched. On closer look he saw a red hand-print on each of the handle of the cases. He stared for a moment, and finally picked them up. He was going to stay there and that was it, nothing could stop him. Even if there was a residential ghost, he would get rid of it rather than have it get rid of him. He looked around, not expecting to see anything, but suddenly an image of a red-haired girl flashed, hovering above him.

He screamed.

A laughter was heard; a menacing laughter of a male voice. His eyes narrowed. "Sissy ghost?!"

"Am not a sissy ghost!" The guy retorted, landing onto the floor. It did not stir up any dust, only landed silently and ever so gently, like a falling white feather. Its reddish eyes were so piercing in contrast to its white flowing dress and even whiter skin. A long slender finger with red painted nails pointed accusingly. "You, you're intruding into my house."

"So, an arguable ghost, huh? Well, I'm the owner of this house now. You won't be able to get rid of me!" He yelled, getting more pissed by the second. "And don't you ever clean up? The place is so full of dust! What an incompetent ghost!"

"Me, incompetent?! It's because of my presence that everything is in such fine condition! Not a single cobweb, not a single maggot! You, you're the intruder!"

"Oh yeah! That's because they were scared that you'd sodomize them to death, being the faggot you are!" He'd learnt the phrase from Ken's ex-wife.

"Am not—"

"And you butt off cause I'm the present owner of this house! Face it, you're dead. Dead, you hear me? If you're such a loser as to stay here just to chase off anyone else who is gonna make this place alive again, you are some pathetic ghost! Now get the fuck out of my face!" Hyde was pleased to see this ghost look shocked. Finally, angry tears glimmered in the ghost's eyes, and it stepped forward to slap him with an insubstantial hand. It felt more like a gust of cold wind hitting him, and did not faze him.

"You don't understand how much I suffered here! I just want something to belong to me! You're the intruder, and I will never ever let you stay here!" Hyde thought he could hear some sobbing sounds, but the ghost vanished. He heaved a sigh, expecting that the ghost will not disturb him anymore, and made his way up the staircase, into the room. He set the suitcases down onto a corner of the white room, coughing at the dust which arose. Finally, he gazed up, around.

"Hey, ghost, got any broom?" He called, not really expecting an answer, not after how he had chewed him out like that. "Let me clean this place up, will you?"

The ghost reappeared behind him, arms folded. His long hair flowed as if there had always been a lasting wind in the house, and he finally said unwillingly, "In the basement storeroom."

"…Thanks." He wasn't about to apologize for his earlier outburst. "….Say, what's your name?"

"Look here, you rude imbecile, I'm not welcoming you in. I just told you where the broom is because I want someone to clean the dust up." The ghost explained yet grudgingly. "And this bed is mine, don't you go taking it."

"Well, I'm sleeping here and that's it," Hyde retorted. "Whether you like it or not. If you want to be so rude still, fine go ahead. I'm going to stay here no matter what you say, and what you do. It's my house. I want to stay here. You're dead. You have no rights to this house anymore."

Tears seemed to flood his eyes again, and vanished as before.

"And crying doesn't help either!" He yelled, making sure that the ghost heard it. He ventured downstairs for the storeroom, and found it as an even dustier room which lay beside the cellar. The brooms lay there, as dusty as the rest of the house. He made a face, picking a broom up by its handle, and looked for a dustpan while he was at it. Finding what he wanted, he headed back upstairs towards the room, and started sweeping. The dust rose with every swipe the broom made, yet he wasn't about to give up as soon as he thought of the ghost. No, if the ghost couldn't chase him out, neither could the dust. He made up his mind to get Ken to clean up the rest of the house no matter what, as he dumped the dust under a carpet in one of the rooms.

The sun had gone down the horizon when he finally was done, and the sky lay a diluted orange where the sunlight shone in feebly, fading into a light indigo shade which started to flood in from the edges of the sky. He watched the beautiful scene from where he stood, through the unfolded panes. Almost unconsciously, he moved towards the balcony, his eyes transfixed on the view throughout the suburbs. From where he was, on a three-storey house which lay on a hill, he could see everything beyond its own garden walls. It was a small town, much smaller than the city which he had came from. The pedestrian walkways were gray, and the asphalt was a worn-out black. Telephone lines stretched over miles, with birds perched on them, and he could see that it was a peaceful place, so peaceful and isolated.

He felt at home.

Time seemed to freeze and fly by as he watched the sunlight turn into a dark orange at the bottom of the sky. The curtains of night had drawn in as fast as he had feared, and he felt a strange regret as he saw the street lights light up as if by some magic.

Finally, he drew in a deep breath, and turned. The room was getting dark; there was no lights outside except for those outside the gates. Hyde wondered if there was still electricity inside the house, and he prayed that since the water ran, the electricity ran too. He removed his boots to put on a pair of slippers as a second thought, and set them at the door. The switch lay right beside the door on the wall, and he pressed it. To his horror and half-expectation, it remained dimmed. He thought of going back to the basement again. Maybe he could reconnect the switch… Then he remembered that he did not know anything about electricity; he almost blew up a torch trying to repair it once. He sighed, giving up before he even got to it.

If only he'd been smart enough to bring a torch… Maybe he could get out before it was totally dark and come back with one. His stomach growled that exact moment, reminding him that he was hungry. Since an apple early morning and a hot dog before he departed, he had not eaten anything else. He thought of the route downhill, and finally surrendered, throwing apart the dusty veils, and ended up coughing. Cursing under his breath and coughing some more, he pulled the veils down, and threw them onto the floor. He was causing it to be dusty again, but he didn't care… He went to his luggage, opened one of them and found some comfortable pajamas. It would be more comfortable, maybe… He wished he had his mobile phone, but he had left it back at Sakura's apartment in his haste.

Then he saw that the ghost appeared again, glaring at him. It was surprising how the ghost's appearance stayed the same, as if he was an apparition pre-drawn and replayed every single time, regardless of the amount of light present. Almost glowing, yet it was different. He returned the intense glare, but the dust rose as the wind blew in through the balcony, lifting the edges of the veils from the floor, and blowing the feathers around the room now that the veils were not around. He sneezed. The ghost seemed surprised, and then he seemed amused, although it was evident that he was trying to hide his smile. Hyde grinned for no reason, and shrugged.

The ghost looked embarrassed and flustered, but hid it soon enough. "…The bed is mine."

"You're still thinking about that?!" Hyde exclaimed, his grin disappearing.

"You did nothing but ruin the bed. Look at what you did to the veils!" He looked upset, as he gazed at the floor. The scattered feathers only seemed to fluster him further.

"I didn't ruin it! It was dusty, you idiot. The floor is clean. I will sleep here if I want to." Hyde rolled his eyes, jutting his lower lip into a pout.

"I… I'm not an idiot! You… You… You…"

"Me, me what? Can't you speak properly?" Hyde sneered mercilessly at Tetsu. "And get out of here, I'm going to change."

"I'm not leaving."

"Then suit you. I figure that you'd try to peep if you were chased out anyway, right? You have the abilities. Who knows, you stay a ghost because you peeped too much in your life!" Hyde watched with satisfaction as the ghost's lips trembled. "And don't disappear this time, because it's starting to annoy me. All you know is to escape when you lose, are you a man at all? Well, I'm going to change. Doesn't matter if you're here, you might be a faggot but you can't touch me."

"I'm not—"

"Listen, just because someone peeps at me doesn't mean it's enough to drive me out of this house. And trying to push me down the stairs like you did today is simply despicable! It just goes to show that you're a brat who cheats to win." There was no reply, only utter silence. Hyde felt his cheeks sting, seeing the defeated figure in front of him. Maybe he felt pity. Or… Maybe he was the brat.

He turned, started to pull off his gloves, and folded them neatly onto the floor. Then he slid out of his coat, feeling lighter without the weight on his shoulders, and pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it beside his coat on the floor. The cold night air made him shiver, and he blushed when he remembered Tetsu's presence, but it was not as if he had a bad figure. That would be bad, something for Tetsu to insult. He figured that Tetsu wasn't even watching, and continued stripping himself. Sliding into the cool pajamas, he felt more comfortable, as he turned back to face the ghost, to find that he was leaning against the balcony, looking at the scenery outside.

It suddenly occurred to him that there was no way this ghost could have been a brat. His eyes were so sad, as if they had once lost something precious, something which would have seemed as beautiful as life against death, as light against darkness.

"….Hey, aren't you cold? I'm going to shut the folding door."

The ghost turned, apparent shock on his face, and then looked even more angry than he had been.

"Fine, then you can freeze outside. And I'm still going to take the bed."

"It's mine." The ghost seemed unmoving.

"I'm going to sleep on it anyway. Do you think you can even feel it's softness if you lie on it? Or even the dust? And don't push me down, you loser."

His lips trembled, then he simply flew in, landing lightly onto the bed. The remaining feathers trembled ever so slightly as if it had been a breath which blew across them, nothing more. Hyde pulled the panes close, deciding to leave the curtains as it was.

"So, are you going to push me down?"

"…No. But it's my bed." He looked as if he was making one last feeble statement, in an attempt to convince himself. His voice shook, as if he was about to cry again like a little kid clinging onto a toy. "Mine."

Hyde's brows furrowed. He sat down onto the bed, getting out of his slippers, and collapsed onto the bed. He felt a strange gust of cold air where his hand was inside the ghost's body, and quickly withdrew it. He sighed at those helpless eyes which stayed on him. "It's big enough, move there."

He shifted unwillingly; Hyde supposed that it felt weird for him too. He waited, and finally his eyelids weighed shut. He was tired, so tired… And he forgot about the ghost's presence as he drifted in and out of sleep, flipping over restlessly. His mind was aware that his entire arm felt cold, yet his heart, it was somewhere else. His subconsciousness was back at the bright apartment, at Sakura's handsome features. He was happy in the dream, so happy it hurt….

Hyde didn't know that all throughout the night, this ghost was watching and watching him, finally crying ghostly tears which shone like crystals. If he had been alive, this stranger would have been hugging him. It didn't matter who was there right then, he wanted someone's embrace, and she'd been gone so long…

…….She was as petite as this youngster was…

And, memory forgot her face. This tortured him the most, of existing yet forgetting everything else, existing to guard the house just so that he could have a reason to exist. He cried, till tears seemed to overflow and flood his heart with its loneliness, and still he cried.
 
 
 
 

Early morning. The panes were unfolded, and the light disturbed him through his closed eyelids. The sound of the birds' chirping reminded him of the day and the sky. It was pleasant to dwell in, even for a slight moment, and finally he got tired of trying to sleep. His eyes opened, to see the beautiful sky in front of him, overwhelming in its vastness and blueness. He wondered how wide it stretched, probably forever and ever, yet he remembered that it had been an illusion as well. The blue sky which resembled freedom and beauty, it was just… .

An illusion….

He continued gazing, and saw the lovely little sparrows hopping in to greet him. He smiled; it reminded him of something, yet he couldn't remember what. Maybe someone. Then, he remembered that he had closed it. Bolting right up, he looked around with large eyes, to see where the ghost had went. Perhaps to heaven? Maybe… If it had been heaven he had been longing for last night… But, what if…. Something bad happened? He wondered, although it was silly to think that of a ghost of all things.

Still….. . He sighed, giving up to himself. He climbed out of the bed, gazing one last time at the sky before hurrying towards the door. The corridor was empty. Peering into the two rooms, he found that they were empty as well. The dust arose, making him cough, but he hurriedly climbed down the stairs. When he reached the second level, he could hear a sweet voice, tone of almost that to a girl, sing. It seemed to reach from the living room.

Beautiful, almost entrancing……

He listened, and he could barely make out the lyrics. With soft, slow steps, he sneaked towards the sound, unsteadily grasping at the hand grip. As he reached the bottom, the voice was clearer, and it seem to touch his heart. He saw that every window was open, the morning light filling the once-dead house, the lovely voice seeming to enhance everything else with its beauty. Its emotion almost painted everything else a dark blue… . Saturated and dark, such a deep and enchanting emotion.

"…Ghost?" His own voice came out barely a whisper.

The voice stopped abruptly, and the figure in white turned, his face a scarier, paler white.

Hyde tried to smile. It was a nice new day, after all. "What song was it?"

"…… Remembrance's Scenes," He replied, with a hint of sadness.

Hyde couldn't help feeling that sadness inside his heart, as he looked at the expression of that beautiful person. He nodded, unable to say anything else. Silence lapsed in, silence which was almost suffocating. Finally, Hyde said, "Well, good morning."

The ghost was surprised, and looked angry suddenly. "You're used to this, aren't you? You're not the one getting intruded upon."

His friendly mask had fallen again, but this time, he felt nothing. He didn't want to feel as guilty as he had yesterday. …Maybe he didn't want to be the brat. He wanted to change, to get away from the past. That was the reason he had moved, to such a quiet place, even though he hadn't admitted it yesterday…

A thought echoed in his mind, of yet another fine morning, although different. You, Hyde, you just do nothing but fight with me till you have you way! I'm sick and tired of this! He, he's different, he's sensible and he's not a willful brat. Do you understand how things are now?

"…….No…" He almost uttered, the memory stabbing at him in an even more painful way. Instead, he forced a smile at the ghost…. Why was he reminded so much of himself? In the first place, why had he worried so much about this ghost? "……You opened the windows?"

"Yes, I shall do as I like."

He took a deep breath. "There's a lot of beautiful birds here… Oh, yes. I'm bringing in more things, and I'll try to fix the dust up. You don't scare the workers away," Hyde paused, and added without a second thought, regretting it immediately after, "After all, you're dead and this place is mine."

"Fine then! Do whatever you want, have more people intrude on my space!" The ghost yelled, losing it yet again. "I'm dead, I'm dead, I chose to be dead! It's my fault I'm dead and this place is dead! Fine, happy now?"

Those frail shoulders shook, and the ghost darted past him, disappearing up the stairs towards the third storey. Hyde was left alone. He sighed heavily, wondering what he had done again but chase off another person with his hurting words, by his obstinacy. Maybe he had to learn to apologize… He wondered if the ghost would forgive him; Sakura hadn't. And Sakura had been forgiving him again and again, thousands of times before, and still he didn't understand. This ghost was a stranger… He laughed bitterly. The only time he had expressed that he was sorry was to Sakura, when he realized that Sakura was not about to forgive him this time, and yet his heart was set.

"….Ghost?"

This feeling made him feel as if he wanted to tear his hair out, so lonely, so excruciating… He climbed up the stairs, going to the room which he was almost sure that the ghost would go to.

….That room with the white veils thrown onto the floor, the room with scattered feathers, with that emotion of nostalgia embedded deeply in it like some set stone. The door was closed, but he opened it easily. That lovely apparition was curled up on the bed, almost melting into the pureness of the rest of the room. The curtains were drawn, the light dancing as the wind blew against the heavy cloth.

"…Ghost," He called again. The figure did not stir, and Hyde's heart wrenched. "I… I'm going out for a moment, okay? Is there anything you'd like me to bring?"

"….Yeah, some manners."

Hyde almost smiled. "Do you like flowers?"

"No, I like good-mannered people better than flowers."

Hyde couldn't help grinning this time. "Okay! Don't turn around while I change."

"No one wants to look at you anyway."

"Oh, yeah? I'm pretty sexy!" He joked, and looked in his suitcase for a proper suit. The day was cool, much cooler than it would be in the city. He pulled on a pair of jeans and a black Cradle Of Filth shirt. He wondered if Ken was at home or in the office, and wished that he had a watch with him. Maybe he could get one. He didn't like time, but it was convenient to know the moment he lived in. Finally, he kicked off his slippers and wore his heeled boots. Both were dirty, but boots looked better. "…I'm going, ghost. See you later!"

"………Since when have you resorted to be so sickeningly nice?" The ghost asked, turning finally. Hyde saw that there was still glimmering tear tracks, and the ghost rubbed feebly at its own face, looking frustrated. Hyde suddenly found himself looking through the ghost's point of view, suddenly found how much it hurt the ghost just to remain the ghost he was.

He flashed his million-dollar smile, and that act hurt him inside further. Your smile is lovely, Hyde, it just makes me forget all the arguments we made earlier. Masculine fingertips would touch his lips…. You're such a cute brat. Everything is so trivial compared to you, do you know? The voice from dream almost shook him awake, but it did not change his expression. But, when he turned, that smile… It disappeared, and replaced on his face an expression of a person awaiting death. He added, wanting to sound cheerful but failing miserably, "I'm always nice."
 
 
 
 

He trudged down the hill; the air had been fresh and he enjoyed his walk. People walked past at the bottom of it, and all of them looked at him with some sort of strange expression. He wondered why, until he stopped at a grocery shop, a woman donning a purple scarf around her hair asked him if he had met any ghost in that haunted house. He had only been looking at some bananas, when that scared-looking woman approached him.

"No," He explained as cheerfully and as nicely as he could, "I didn't meet with any ghost."

"But…. The people heard someone singing…"

"I didn't hear it," He beamed persuasively, but was determined to find out more about the ghost. "Say, where did you people get the idea that there's a resident ghost in that house? It's a nice place with a big garden and is rather isolated, but that's all."

"….There's been a ghost since I was a child," The woman sighed, looking down at the bananas on the stall. "I was young, but I remember that there was a story about that house. It was true, because I met its owner every day. She would say I'm cute, and give me a flower or something sweet."

"She?" Hyde looked down unblinkingly at her face. She's perhaps –forty?— it must have been quite some time ago.

"Yes, she had been a lovely lady. She's about… A bit shorter than you, not as skinny though." Hyde wondered if she knew that he was wearing platforms; it didn't seem common there.

"Yes, she was lovely. She had many suitors, I always thought it was romantic and she said that if she ever got married I would become her bridesmaid." Her expression fell. "But she never did. I think I didn't understand when I was young, she sometimes came with another lovely lady, claiming that she had a hard time dragging him down here. At least, it seemed like a lady to me, until my dad told me that it was her gay brother-in-law-to-be, and I shouldn't associate with him no matter how nice she was. Because of that, I didn't like him so much, but she said be nice to him, so I tried to be nice. He was still quiet, though, and I never had much to tell him anyway.

"She was… How do you say it… She had a boyfriend, and she would bring him around sometimes. Said that his name was Mashiro, and I always thought "Sasser and Mashiro", it seemed like they were a couple. He was nice, always brought me sweets and all. And… Oh, Mashiro was not like his brother. He—"

"His brother…" Hyde cut in, "What was his name?"

"…I don't know. They called him Tetsu, so I think it's Tetsu." She paused, looking disturbed. "…The people said that he killed them both, and committed suicide afterwards. He haunted that place… I swear, Sasser made him sing once… I recognize that voice, every time I walked by… The first few days when I found out about Sasser and Mashiro's death I thought it was no big deal, I thought if I went to their house I could find them, but…. I guess I didn't understand.

"When I went there, I heard Tetsu singing, so I thought Sasser would be around… .But, the ghost… It floated in the air, looking so pale and deathly and flowing in his white robes, and his glare was so piercing…" She buried her face into her hands. Hyde didn't know what else, but to pat her on the arm gently, and waited. She looked up, smiling gratefully. "I'm sorry… You didn't meet the ghost?"

"No," Hyde replied as truthfully as he could make it seem. "…I didn't know that such a story existed."

"Well…" She replied, "…If there's anything, feel free to let me know, I'll help. The past few times someone tried to occupy the house was ten years ago… And yesterday these people in uniform went there, but they were all chased out. Maybe the ghost has decided to settle down after all these years… Or he finally went to Heaven."

If there was a Heaven, Hyde wanted to say, If God was so good to create heaven, why does he toy with us like that? "Well, thank you for the story, really."

"…You've been a good listener," She grinned, fingering her scarf. Hyde thought she looked almost young again, and she smiled a motherly smile. "How old are you, boy? You really shouldn't be living alone."

"I'm not a boy," He spoke awkwardly. When Sakura had first seen him, he had thought he was a boy too.. . Damn! Why is everything reminding me of that bastard today?! I did just fine yesterday! "…I'm already twenty-three."

"Oh!" She laughed, brushing off the slight mistake. "I'm sorry… You're just… so cute."

Hyde raised an eyebrow, smiling, trying not to show his raw nerves. Beautiful, okay. Handsome, okay. But not cute. Sakura had been the only one who did it and got away with it.. .. Sakura… . "I'm sure that's a compliment, isn't it? Thank you…. I'll just get this bunch of bananas."

"Here, you can have it," She smiled.

"…I can't accept this, how much is it?"

"No, don't be such a stranger. You keep it or I'll get cross. You're a sweetie," She patted him on the back. "And I like you. No one really listens to me anymore…. …What's your name?"

"Hyde."

"Just Hyde? It suits you, a bit too mysterious though. I'll call you Hyde. …And I'm Naoki."

"Thank you, Naoki-san." He smiled his best smile, and she handed him a bag with the bananas inside.

"Just Naoki will do, boy… Do come back soon."

After some more thanks, he waved goodbye, and looked around. After buying more groceries and getting more weird stares, he headed straight for the telephone booth. He tried Ken's mobile phone, hoping that he was not at any of those meetings. Ken answered after two rings, sounding somewhat sleepy.

"Ken-chan ~" He whined.

"Ha-chan?" Now Ken sounded flustered. "I told you to call yesterday, and I couldn't get you! You had me dead worried!"

"Well—" He started. "I spent the whole day cleaning up just one of the rooms. I didn't even get any dinner, and it's all your fault!"

"What?!" Ken was exasperated now. "The workers were chased out by the ghost. I told you it was haunted, why don't you ever listen?"

"Sheesh! There is no ghost." Hyde tried to sound as annoyed as possible, although there had been a ghost… . "Send the workers over again, okay?"

"After what happened yesterday, I doubt anyone will go. Are you sure—"

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm fine, aren't I? Ken ~ I won't be able to work unless I have a clean place, I'll dirty the canvas! I couldn't take a bath because even the bathroom was dusty even though I itch like hell, and I can't even have a proper breakfast back there, had to wait till eleven a.m. and then finish my ramen at one of the ramen stands. You know I like to eat at home, right? It gives me inspirations, so just this once, okay?"

"All right already!" He could almost hear Ken's resigned smile over the phone. "I'll send them over, you brat."

He froze when he heard that word. "……Thanks, Ken-chan! Muah!"

"Hahaha… Stop being such an idiot. I'm not your father or something, you know."

"But you're the best cousin I've ever had!" Hyde couldn't help saying; he had said that all through the years he'd grown up with Ken. Ken had been an understanding family to him, almost his sole family…. Even after he ran away from home to continue on his art career.

"…….Yeah, so that's settled. ….Are you all right today?"

He knew that Ken was referring to Sakura, and sighed. "Much better."

"Perhaps I shouldn't talk about this anymore?"

"…No, it's okay," Hyde felt old again, old and small and tired. "I…. I miss Sakura, but I should be fine."

"Then… I'm glad you're fine. Does he know… That you're here right now?"

"Ken, he chased me out." He couldn't hide the hurt in his voice, couldn't hide it from himself anymore. "He made me pack and threw me out just like that." Do you think I'd have told him? Ken grew quiet, so quiet that Hyde could almost hear him breathe, even over the phone.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be, it's my fault anyway…" Hyde wiped the tears away hastily, and glanced around to see if anyone saw him cry. There was no one, but somehow he wished it was otherwise.

"I'll visit you soon, okay? Are you sure there isn't a ghost?"

"Yeah." His mind was blank, but quickly filled up of things he'd always thought before he met the ghost, as if he had been preprogrammed. "It's the twentieth century now, ghosts don't exist."

"What ever. ….Maybe the workers made it up just because it was too dusty and they wanted their pay." Ken's voice was kind. "Do you have enough cash?"

"….Yeah."

"Then, good. If you need anything, just ask, okay? …Oh, no! I'm late—Uhm, well, just call me. Okay? I've to go now."

"I won't bother you then…" Hyde smiled, as if Ken could see it. "Thank you so much."
 
 
 
 

"Tetsu ~ Tetsu!" He yelled, throwing open the door. "Tetsu, Tetsu!!"

"What are you doing, yelling like that?" The ghost sounded annoyed, as he looked up from the canopy bed. It seemed that he had fixed it, and the white veils fell around the white sheets, seeming to discolor his flaming red hair. "And don't call me by my name like that! That's rude."

"I didn't bring you some manners, but I brought you cheerfulness," Hyde grinned, holding up a couple of plastic bags.

"…Where did you learn my name?" He sat up, his hair flowing after him as if there was a strange nonexistent wind blowing endlessly.

"I'm a genius," He replied, pushing the veils aside and dropped the bags onto the bed.

"Don't!"

"There's no where else to put these." Hyde gave his sweetest smile. "Besides, I got you something really nice, even nicer than manners."

Tetsu snorted, turning back rudely. "From you? Save it."

"Well, I'm sure you'd like it," Hyde winked, "But I haven't found a suitable wrapper for it yet, so I left it with the shop keeper."

"I don't believe you'd get something I like," Tetsu replied stiffly. Hyde watched his silhouette, his heart suddenly falling. He sighed, glad that Tetsu couldn't see his expression.

Then a feeling of anger flooded over him. He opened his mouth, but shut it as well as he could, and slapped Tetsu twice mentally. If there was no way he could convince Tetsu… No, he was sure he could, he had confidence in himself. You had confidence in yourself towards Sakura too. And what happened? A small bitter voice echoed at the back of his mind, suddenly shaking him to tears. He chased you out. He said you were too self-exerting and he was tired of your crap.

Suddenly, as if sensing the silence was something heavy, Tetsu turned, his eyes probing into Hyde's, his lips parted, as if he was about to question Hyde for something. A look of realization crossed his face, and he tried to say something, but nothing came out. Hyde wished, for one swift moment, that he could collapse in front of this ghost and bury his face into his chest, and cry… Tetsu lowered his gaze guiltily, and turned back again."…….What did you get me?"

For a moment Hyde was motionless, then he smiled, slapping himself gently in the cheek. "…That's a secret."

"Fine, I don't care."

They lapsed into silence again, and Hyde sat down beside Tetsu on the bed, looking through the bags. He fixed the batteries into the torch, making sure that he followed instructions (to not meddle with the wires) so that he did not blow anything up again. Finding nothing else on his hands, he continued looking through the groceries, and started to count how much money he had left. Then, he was finally done. He couldn't help but glance repeatedly at Tetsu, not knowing what to do. He wondered when the workers were going to arrive, and finally gave up by plopping the groceries onto the dusty floor, and lay down beside Tetsu, closing his eyes and letting his mind wander.

"…Tetsu," Hyde finally whispered. The startled ghost turned, to see that Hyde's eyes were closed, and his brows were furrowed.

"……." Tetsu didn't reply, but continued staring at the troubled figure, trying to decipher what was going on through his mind. Was he asleep? He didn't know. Finally, he let out a muffled "Yeah?"

Hyde opened his eyes, his lips twisting into a smile. His eyes glittered, still so beautifully, but it was so obvious how much he was hurting on the inside. Tetsu almost felt his heart bleed. "How long have you been here?"

Tetsu hesitated, but gave in. "….I don't remember."

"Has it been a long time?"

"….It seemed like forever," Tetsu wondered why he was answering. "Why?"

"Nothing. I'm just wondering…" Hyde's smile threatened to break. His mind continued, …If I'd be able to survive for as long as you did here……

"What?" Tetsu tried to sound annoyed. He wished he hadn't sounded as strengthless as he did, but… He was only a ghost.

"No, I was only wondering. …Do you like this place very much?" Those lovely blue orbs had stars in them, Tetsu swore.

He thought for a rather long time to find an expression suitable, and at last, "Maybe…"

"Tetsu, I would like to know…" Hyde paused, as if he was asking something very important. He bit his lips, and exhaled, "Did you kill anyone?"

Tetsu's lip quivered, and his eyes adverted Hyde's gaze for a moment, suddenly sinking back into the past and it's pain. "I didn't."

"……I thought so," Hyde grinned, flipping onto his back to gaze at the ceiling of the canopy bed. "You couldn't have harmed a fly."

"I pushed you down the stairs," Tetsu reminded, a confused expression taking over his face.

"You only tried to chase me out," Hyde protested. "Yes, you did, but I couldn't die from it. I wish I got a sprained ankle though, it would reveal your real heart, won't it?"

"……" Suddenly he sounded angry. "Why are you saying all these?!"

Hyde finally looked at him again, to see a very disturbed face, a very lovely though disturbed face… "Because I was thinking about it. And you're here, so I thought I could ask you. I'm going to stay here, Tetsu, we might as well be friends."

"I don't need friends! Especially not intruders—"

"I'm not an intruder," Hyde suddenly said, in a calm cool voice, shutting him up. "I'm the person who've come to take the beacon from you, and continue on the race. …This is a lovely house, isn't it?"

"…Maybe."

They lay there in silence, both looking at the veils of the bed, both studying the way that the light peeked in through the white cloth gently. And, gradually, everything seemed to melt together, in perfect harmony…
 
 
 
 

The doorbell rang. Hyde bolted down the stairs to get it, and saw that in the doorway stood a burly man carrying a heavy box. Behind him seemed to be more burly men with more heavy boxes. Hyde let them into the house, pushing the door open for them and ducked out of their ways whenever possible. Tetsu was nowhere to be seen, thankfully.

As they unpacked, Hyde found that Ken had brought him tons of cleaning supplies, more clothes, sheets, blankets, canvas, and paint. Hyde marveled at Ken's thoughtfulness when he found himself looking through all these, and silently thanked god for this rich cousin—not only was Ken rich, he cared (or rather, not only did Ken care, he was rich).

Then they started their work—it was weird to see quite a few number of burly men bustling throughout the house in the early afternoon. Hyde felt smaller than usual around these giants, but after sorting through the boxes, he went about watching them instead. Somehow this gesture made him feel as if Ken would be proud of him, like the feeling of a kid who has been watching strangers around his house to make sure.

Tea break started soon, and he felt sheepish having nothing to serve them. They brought their own lunches, and gathered by the sofa (after Hyde permitted them to sit on the sofa) to talk. Hyde could hear discussions of the ghost from the stairway, as he stood there marveling at how clean it was. He was going to have to sweep it once in a while for maintenance.

A man's word broke his chain of thoughts. "Honestly, what kind of magic does he have? I don't believe getting pushed down the stairs the day before yesterday was done by an image projector."

"Yeah, but I figured that if the kid could stay in here, we could too."

"There's no ghost after all."

Hyde burst into giggles at that, and something hit him at the back of the head. Tetsu had appeared again, looking horribly embarrassed. Hyde grinned, and hissed, "You sure did a great job throwing them out, didn't you?"

"Shut up," Tetsu got redder, and floated back into the room.

Hyde followed him, opening his mouth to tease further, but seeing the cute expression, he was almost immediately satisfied. "…Anyway, thanks!"

"Sheesh…" Tetsu rolled his eyes, and sat down beside Hyde by the bed. He glanced down at the now purely white sheets, and breathed deeply as if he could smell its new fragrance. Hyde didn't say anything. He suddenly realized that he felt fuller than before, this was a new life, a perfectly new life. It didn't matter whether he was a brat; he could try and try to not be. And he was trying. This, was his new chance…
 
 
 
 

Hyde's schedule was to boil some water, go down, buy some instant cup noodles, and collect the present for Tetsu. He felt instinctively proud again, suddenly realizing that he was able to take care of himself. Ken had called him through his cell phone, and Hyde realized that it was time to connect the telephone line. He was told to go down to the local telecommunications company. Even though he wished that Ken would make a phone call for him instead of having he himself going directly down, he felt happy that it was his responsibility.

The sense of duty hung, as he bustled through the kitchen. Hyde made Tetsu teach him the song, as he gathered the water to be boiled in the electric kettle. There was also gas; Hyde figured that one day he was going to make a delicious banquet when he learnt how to cook. He wondered if Tetsu was able to eat, but a pain hit him in his heart as he realized that it was most likely not. He wished that Tetsu was alive, so that he could wrestle with him when he was being obstinate, and then share an ice cream later…. Or something.

Finally, when he was finally done with the minor chores, and Tetsu had grown tired of singing, Hyde decided to get out of the house and get things done. He wished Tetsu would have waved him goodbye, but the latter had simply went back upstairs to lie in the bed. Hyde wondered how did Tetsu spend all those years, singing and sleeping? He couldn't fathom a life like that. Tetsu seemed to even be unable to get out of the house into the gardens… This saddened him more, for he could see that the garden was beautiful with its green trees and full shrubs. Everything was so perfect in the house, yet Tetsu couldn't do much, either.

Maybe.. . that's why he had been so mean to me, Hyde thought, as he walked down the slope. It felt as if Tetsu had been there since the beginning of time, yet he could picture Tetsu as a living, laughing creature who sang with the girl and welcomed his brother home each day. He could imagine three beautiful people sitting in the living room, looking perfectly homey, munching on cookies the girl had made.

He wondered how had Tetsu felt when he realized that he had become a ghost, and couldn't get out of the house or touch anything… He pictured Tetsu waking up from sleep, then trying to twist the doorknob, only to have his hand pass through. His eyes would widen, as he tried again, and then an anguish would flood his face. He would cry out in despair, and just as he was wishing the door would open, it did, by itself—he would scream at his own powers, and run towards the front door, hoping that if he ever got out of the house he would be able to feel again—but, the door would seem to be locked shut from the outside, and couldn't budge no matter how much he cried, wished, begged…

Hyde almost found himself crying in his heart for this sad thing. The blue, clear sky overhead seemed to illustrate a beautiful freedom out there, and he felt like they were all tiny ants who couldn't reach the sky they had so yearned for. He felt no different from Tetsu… .

Yet, he cheered up when he thought of the present to Tetsu. Maybe Tetsu would not be so lonely after he had received it. He was sure such a kind person as Tetsu would be able to love it more than Hyde could ever love anything, and give more to it than Hyde would ever be willing to. He felt inferior, knowing that even though Tetsu wasn't able to welcome him in the first place, he was accepted now, one way or the other. Maybe that had to do with the fact that both of them were brats, he mused silently.

The thoughts disappeared as soon as he reached the destination; he greeted the lady at the fruit store on the way, and she gave him an apple. The telecommunications office was open, and Hyde got ready to defend his own business about the ghost. Thankfully and surprisingly, no one said anything, and the crew seemed even more mechanic than the robots in spaceships. The line would be reconnected in a few hours' time.

He found himself walking in fast steps towards the pet shop, not even stopping to get himself any food for the day. He thought he didn't need to anyway; he had some cup noodles stocked up in the room in big boxes which Ken had conveniently thought of. That along with towels, tubes of toothpaste, a small box of toothbrushes… .

"Excuse me…."

"Oh, welcome, lad. You're ready to collect her?" The old man greeted. "She's in great condition today."

"…Thank you very much," Hyde said gratefully, and followed the old man towards the back of the store. A cage sat beside the counter, marked with a 'not for sale' sign.

"It's no trouble. It's a pleasure doing things for such a nice lad like you," The man replied, grinning from ear to ear. Hyde couldn't help feeling happy in the face of this cheerful old man. "Here," He said as he handed Hyde the cage.

Hyde found a smile drifting onto his face, as he took the cage over and studied the bird. She was a pure white, her soft feathers seeming to glow like the moonlight. It reminded him of a snow view. Her beak was small, red and delicate, and her eyes seemed to watch him soulfully.

This should be the perfect present, Hyde thought, for Tetsu. Even if Tetsu could not take care of it, Hyde would, for him. It seemed like a partial present to himself, maybe it was.

"…Is there any thing else I need to get?" Hyde asked sheepishly, realizing that he did not know a single thing about taking care of birds.

"Its' food," The old man replied.

"Oh.. That's not worms, right?" He asked, suddenly turning green.

"Of course not… Here's the specially made bird food… She loves it." The old man took three packets and stuffed them into a bag, before shoving it into Hyde's other hand.

"Thank you!. .. How much is it?" He attempted to get the wallet out of his pocket.

"It's six thousand five hundred and forty yen, please," The old man replied, looking not hurried. Hyde fumbled, and managed to hand him some notes. "Thank you very much."

Hyde nodded. "Thank you too… See you!"

The old man waved, and soon Hyde found himself gone in a flash.
 
 
 
 

Happily, he burst into the room in a faster speed than usual. "Tetsu!"

"What?" The ghost looked up, half-annoyed at the disturbed peace.

"Your present," Hyde grinned, still keeping the cage hidden behind his back. "I got it finally for you."

Tetsu simply raised an eyebrow.

"Here it is!" Hyde continued, holding the cage up carefully. Tetsu's face lightened in surprise, then his face changed into a joy, then it changed back into the sorrowful gloom which Hyde wished he could peel off. He whispered, trying to sound dejected—he didn't have to, "…Don't you like it?"

"…You idiot," Tetsu turned around. Silence reigned for a minute; Hyde could feel his heart getting heavier and heavier. When Tetsu turned again, with the same gloom, and saw Hyde's expression, tears started to gather in his eyes. "…Why must you get me anything?"

"….I thought you might like her… ." Hyde said simply, holding the cage close to his chest. "When I saw her, it's almost as if she would be perfect for you. I thought… ."

"Take it back."

"No…" Hyde pleaded, almost hugging it closer. The bird watched them through the bars, almost expectantly. "Please don't tell me to do so…"

The tears flowed down from Tetsu's eyes. He looked detached, almost dying, as he finally whispered in a barely audible voice, "I can't take care of it. I'm not alive. Only living people can take care of anything."

"….I can help you," Hyde smiled, now hopeful. "But…. It's still yours."

Tetsu didn't say anything as Hyde approached him with the cage, with the bird still watching. Hyde put it on the bed beside Tetsu, and it chirped once.

"…I think it knows you are there," Hyde remarked through a half-smile. "…It likes you?"

Tetsu's lips slowly changed into an upturned curve as he looked at it fondly. With a trembling hand, he reached out, and lightly caressed it through the bars. It chirped again, not looking the least bit fearful. Tetsu's eyes sparkled, and Hyde laughed happily.

"…So……?"

"…What's her name?"

"…I don't know," Hyde replied, looking surprised at the thought. "I didn't think of it. Let's think of one."

"……Snow?" Tetsu said after some thought.

"….It's too common isn't it?" Hyde said, studying the bird. "…Ruby lips and snowy feathers. .. isn't it."

"……Sasser."

Hyde stiffened, and his eyes widened as he glanced at Tetsu again.

"Let's call it 'Sasser', shall we?"

"…Sasser…?" Hyde repeated. For a moment, his mind was blank, then, it felt pained.

Tetsu looked up sadly, smiling slightly. He didn't suspect that Hyde knew about his past; neither did he know how Hyde wanted him to forget. "…Or is it too human?"

"Let's call it 'Snow'," Hyde murmured, decisively. "Snow suits it."

"Very well…" Tetsu laughed, as if he was jeering at his own silliness. "Snow."
 
 
 
 

Days passed by. They always did, and each day no longer seemed like a death to Hyde. The skies felt like clear water, the people felt like flowers, and Tetsu was a rose. There was no sun, and the sky was gray, but it suited him better. This was his inner world, a world which no one ever knew of. Vaguely, he sensed that Tetsu was already inside. Perhaps that explained why the people changed from some scary monsters to such lovely flowers.

He came home with the a small basket this time, two apples inside, some cup noodles, snacks, and a carton of orange juice.

"Tetsu!"

"Shut up, you noisy person." The ghost snapped, looking up from the door. Hyde had known long enough to not take it to heart; it was Tetsu's natural reaction. "Snow's sleeping."

Hyde didn't know whether to laugh or be angry at this. Was the bird more important than the person who gave it to him? "…..Okay."

Tetsu looked up expectantly. "Are you going to feed it?"

Hyde ignored him, and proceeded to bite on an apple. After several minutes of thought, he laughed out loud. "I got it!"

"Huh? You got what? What's up, hyena?" Tetsu remarked sarcastically, looking confused yet unconcerned at the same time. "Just acting spastic?"

"A way to shut your big mouth!" Hyde exclaimed, and laughed when he saw Tetsu's surprised expression.

"What?"

"And complete my work at the same time," Hyde giggled at the thought of Tetsu's face when he saw it. "…..Hey, do you realize you're very skinny?"

Tetsu raised an eyebrow, and shook his head, assuming that Hyde was a gone case. "You're crazy."

"I know," Hyde beamed proudly at himself. "I am, and I love it. It keeps my sanity at the same time, doesn't it?"

"Maybe," Tetsu smirked, as he continued stroking the sleeping bird. "….Why is she still sleeping?"

"…It doesn't need a reason to sleep. It just does," Hyde said, looking detached suddenly. "And we sleep just because it's night."

Tetsu nodded, not saying anything.

"But, what if there isn't a day? Will we need to sleep at all?" Hyde spoke, letting it wander off his mouth endlessly. He looked slightly disturbed; he was. "Or do we sleep whenever we want to? Or forever?"

"You think too much," Tetsu remarked, reaching out to touch Hyde's forehead. It brushed off lightly, like a feather with no weight. "We don't have a choice but do it."

"…. ..But… If we tried…" Hyde murmured, looking up into Tetsu's eyes, gazing deeply into their depths. "If we tried, can we do it? We never did. No one did."

He looked speechlessly back, wondering how the topic lead to that. Then, when he finally found his voice, "…Maybe we just need to try…?"

Hyde seemed to absorb that phrase. The gaze remained unbroken, and the two of them seemed to have a private thought in common. Tetsu had never tried, either, he could sense that. Tetsu accepted the truth and blamed it. So did he… . And himself. "…Do you think that if we tried, we will never succeed?"

Tetsu smiled sadly. "I don't know."
 
 
 
 

Hyde shooed Tetsu out of the room when he was working on his canvas. They got into a quarrel, and then Tetsu left hastily into the other rooms. He'd won, he noted to himself somewhat proudly. Then he remembered how he wanted to stop being such a brat, and he regretted it immediately.

But… Tetsu couldn't know about this painting until it was done, otherwise the element of surprise would be long gone. He thought Tetsu would even stop him before he completed it anyway, and he wanted to finish it; at least start it in the first place. And he couldn't work in the other rooms; this room seemed to be a space just for him. He had hung Snow's cage near the balcony, and he couldn't help but notice how it gazed at him, and at the sky, almost sorrowfully. He wondered if Snow knew the meaning of flight in its heart, he wondered if it had ever flown before. Was it simply instinct that it gazed at the sky in such a manner?

It didn't seem to matter. Tetsu was very happy with the bird around, and they treated it like their own child. Even if Tetsu couldn't touch it, Hyde could feel how much fondness Tetsu seemed to deposit to that bird. And he knew that Snow loved Tetsu very much, from the way it chirped whenever Tetsu was around. He knew that they would have fought to feed it if Tetsu could.

Gazing at the bird, he remembered how Tetsu looked like, and he started by making a sketch of the beautiful human. It didn't seem to come from him; it just was there. Such a lovely person, smiling beautifully, sitting on a rock with legs crossed. Long hair hung down lightly to his lower back.. . And a smile was on his face, as he looked somewhat sadly out of the scene….

The careful sketch took him quite some time. He decided to take a rest, before he filled up his palette. But it was getting late anyway, and the sketch was only so much. He wanted to finish touching up the background a little, before he could start paint on it. But it was no reason to keep Tetsu out all night too.

He kept the canvas under some sheets, then locked it tight in the cupboard. Tetsu came in, disgruntled, calling him an idiot. Hyde accepted the insult, and he remembered to feed the bird finally. Then, he fried some steak in a pan for himself, with Tetsu around to tell him that the steak was burning up. It ended up quite fine, and he enjoyed his dinner.

Then he would settle down to do some sketching. Sketching was the basic of all art. His sketches were of Tetsu, which seemed to embarrass the ghost somewhat. He enjoyed it, however, carefully detailing Tetsu's eyes onto paper, giving him life with each stroke. It didn't come from himself, but came from…

Tetsu himself.

When he was finally tired, he made Tetsu tell him a story. Sometimes the two of them would crowd around the bird, watching it and playing with it, making snide comments to each other. Hyde didn't know how much he wanted to talk to Tetsu properly, but, it was all he could be content with.

He was living in peace after all, and even in peace he didn't need to be alone.
 
 
 
 

Many days passed by like that. Hyde wasn't sure how long it could have been, maybe a month, maybe two. With careful planning, he had managed to finish the painting without Tetsu's notice. He wondered if Tetsu would be angry at him for doing such a thing, but the moment he looked at the painting, his eyes seemed to be transfixed on it. Maybe it was just himself, or maybe it was the magic in his own works, that he couldn't take his life off this lovely human in the canvas, who looked as if he was three-dimensional in his own world.

And then with the last stroke of the brush, it was finally done. He studied it, trying to find ways to improve it. There was none; everything was seemingly perfect.

No, everything seemed like Tetsu… .

He smiled and gave himself a mental pat on the back. Tetsu would be so shocked, he chuckled. Tetsu would look at the canvas with shocked eyes, entranced for a moment, and then wake up to yell at him. When he was finally done, he would come back and look at this piece again, and then make some snide criticisms. This was Hyde's guess of Tetsu's reaction. He had lived long enough with him, even though it hadn't been very long compared to other people, to understand a piece of Tetsu's mind. Maybe Tetsu was just easy for him to relate to.

He waited, and waited for it to dry, and suddenly he found his own eyes traveling from the face to the neck. Then the shoulders. Then the chest, and the apple which he was holding out. Then back at the face again. Even though it was sad, it was so beautiful, just like the real one, he thought. He wished that he could become a butterfly and steal a kiss from the painting.

Maybe he was sad because he didn't want to hold the apple, yet he was. Hyde didn't know how the idea struck him, but once it did it was impossible to erase. He gazed fondly at the painting, from up to down against the stark-naked body. It glowed on its own, Hyde swore it did. He wondered if it would be like the real thing. He found himself leaning closer, till his own lips almost touched the pale skin of the canvas.

He blinked furiously, slapping himself, but it still felt like a dream. Was he trapped by some stupid work which he did just like the ghost was trapped by the house and the painting by the apple?

"Temptation…" He whispered, suddenly lighting up. Then he laughed. Tetsu will get a KICK out of this! Or… He paused. …I'll get a kick out of him for this!

It didn't matter. He almost burst with anticipation, yet he decided that he wanted Tetsu to see it only at the best time. Carefully, after Tetsu had yelled at him a few times and he had made sure that the painting was dry, he slipped the canvas into the white cloth and set it aside.

Tetsu only glared at him impatiently when he came in. "…I've had enough of your silly art! This is my room, my room!"

Hyde simply smiled innocently. "It's sunset now, isn't it?"

Tetsu raised an eyebrow, and then sighed. He had gotten used to Hyde's antics as well. "Yes, it's sunset now."

"…..Let's watch the sunset, Tetsu." Hyde suggested, his eyes sparkling as he spoke. "We haven't done so for a week already."

"That's because you've been locking me out for longer and longer," Tetsu replied unenthusiastically. Then he seemed to brighten up as he looked around the room, the golden light bouncing off the bluish white walls, the whole room was tinted with some color which seemed like an enchantment… Hyde had already reached the balcony. He followed, standing right behind Hyde. The little figure was gazing at the sky fondly, as if it had been his home.

He looked just like snow, Tetsu couldn't help but notice. His heart wrenched, as he followed, wishing that he could go to the sky as well. Maybe Sasser was there. But, maybe Sasser was nowhere. Her smile… Her smile… ..

His thoughts faded when Hyde turned to look at him, his large eyes piercingly studying Tetsu in a strange way. He was immediately moved into a trance, upon seeing Hyde's intent expression.

A hand moved, to touch Tetsu's face, but it passed right through, and Hyde slowly pulled it back. Hyde's face was sad, but he didn't say anything. All of a sudden Tetsu felt like crying. He didn't know why, but that gesture somehow made his heart bleed again.

"……I drew a picture of you," Hyde whispered.

Tetsu's heart seemed to leap, as he glanced down at this artist. Even though every time he made snide remarks about Hyde's work of him, he couldn't help but admit that Hyde was indeed a skillful, in both the soft yet powerful colors and the unexpected poetic imagery. He almost swore that he remembered how he himself looked like when he was still alive… . Yet his mouth spoke otherwise. "Not again?"

Hyde looked hurt. His lower lip quivered, and Tetsu knew that once again he had made a mistake. This was a special situation, in such a lovely scene… ..

"….Well, let me see it."

Hyde smiled. Tetsu felt vulnerable, with this human who seemed as if he could see through him. "It's a secret though!" He laughed, shrugging carefreely. Tetsu heaved a sigh, watching the wind sift through Hyde's short blonde hair, and then his own fiery strands floated against the wind, into his face.

These things reminded him again….

Of the hard and unchangeable fact that he was dead.
 
 
 
 

Hyde had lighted up the place with candles specially for some silly celebration which never existed, and it made this ghost feel very perplexed. He felt as if Hyde was doing something totally stupid and out of question, yet his beautiful face was innocently lighted by the smile on his face. Inside, Tetsu wondered if Hyde was really an angel or a demon.

Who knew… He could be both. The usual too-bright light was turned off, leaving only streams of the street lamps from outside and the candles from inside. Red, black, blue… .. The candles stood in different colors, different shades. For a moment Tetsu was worried that either Hyde was a) involved in an occult even though he didn't particularly believe that cults were bad, or b) about to set the house on fire. Those thoughts disappeared when Hyde started to assure him that it was fine; even if there was a fire, Tetsu would be able to put it out. Tetsu didn't particularly believe that he could, but he let Hyde do what he wanted. Hyde had been out the whole day, to god-knows-where, and even though Tetsu got to have the entire house to himself again…. ….

Much as he would hate to admit it, he didn't want to be alone again. He preferred to have someone else in the room to yell at and have a "Almost done, brat!" yelled back, rather than sleep in his own bed again, staring at the sky outside. Snow was there to keep him company, but it reminded him all the more of his loneliness and it more than irritated him. Besides, he was slightly nagged by the fact that Snow hadn't been fed the whole day.

It could almost be said that he was relieved to see a Hyde stagger in, dwarfed by the number of boxes and paper bags which he carried.

Hyde had finally finished, and he was looking at Tetsu expectantly. Tetsu snapped out of his trance, to find that he had been looking at a blue candle all the while.

"…I gave Ken a duplicated copy of my painting, and he will help me sell that," Hyde told Tetsu, grinning. "I hope you don't mind."

"Why would I mind?" Tetsu replied, looking slightly confused. He stood with a hand to his hip, and the other hanging down by his side. Then, he saw Hyde blush.

"You will… .. But I have to sell it. I can't keep on depending on Ken and doing nothing myself." Hyde murmured, turning redder.

Whoever Ken was, Tetsu thought. He remembered Hyde had told him, but he didn't particularly care. It seemed as if he had a habit to look at Hyde whenever this bright being talked, and then he would lose consciousness altogether in that beautiful moving doll.

"Don't you agree?" Hyde asked, finally looking less nervous.

He shrugged. "Whatever you think.. …And why the candles? Is it the celebration, or are you trying to commit suicide so that you can join me?"

Hyde looked tense again. The blood flushed back to his face, and he smiled slightly. "….No… I like living." He looked like he was about to say more, but seemed to have decided against it. "…….."

Tetsu shrugged, and carelessly sat onto the bed, as he usually did. Snow seemed to have slept; it slept by the time the sun had set. He watched everything through the veiled canopies, as the light shone in deeply and entrancingly. Hyde pulled the veils apart, extracting a raise of an eyebrow from the ghost.

"…Please come out," Hyde almost begged.

Tetsu was surprised to see this emotion from Hyde, and he obliged. "What do you want?"

Hyde fidgeted uncomfortably. "…Do you want to see the picture?"

He nodded, and waited. Still blushing, Hyde slowly moved over towards a large box in the corner of the room, and raised its cover, pulling out a canvas sheet which was covered by layers of white cloth. He hesitated, and finally glanced back at Tetsu, before pulling the sheets apart as if waiting for his destiny.

Tetsu waited expectantly, then his eyes turned wide in shock.

And then he yelled. "What the hell do you think you're doing, painting me in such a…. pose?!"

Hyde shut his eyes guiltily and stood still.

"……You're insane!" The ghost threw these last words, before vanishing in front of him.

"Tetsu?! Tetsu!" He yelled, dropping the canvas. It fell to the floor with a loud thud, the sheets spreading all over. In that moment, he realized that probably he had gone too far, once again. This is Tetsu, whom he barely knew…. Not Sakura, who loved him no matter what and admired his work no matter what he drew… ..

No, that was wrong as well. He buried his face in his hands, tears in his eyes even though they didn’t fall—It was the old Sakura. Sakura didn't exist, right then, too…. Nothing, no one did, no one could forgive him. Maybe simply because he had gone and jumped off the edge again before anyone could catch him.

"Tetsu, please come back…" He begged, but there was only pure silence.

Then he cried.
 
 
 
 

Night.

Tetsu couldn't have left the house even if he wanted to; he sat moping around in another of the rooms, keeping out of Hyde's sight. That old feeling in his chest rose again—the feeling of being intruded upon. He hated that feeling. Once he thought he could settle down, it arose again…

Something totally stupid had gone and happened again. Hyde had come, he made Tetsu realize how lonely he had been all these years, and then he went and painted a painting of him in such a disgusting pose.

He found his own breaths slowing—if they could be called breaths—and he sighed. The night seemed to be soaking into him, like an old letter absorbing water in the rain. He wasn't sleepy as a ghost, and it didn't help with his mind. He felt a bit guilty of having run out on Hyde, even if it wasn't his own fault that he did.

Finally, he relented. The invisibility wrapped around him like gauze covering a wound, and in that manner, he stepped back into that room. And as gently as he could, with his mind, he threw the door open. The sight of the white room filled his eyes, lighted dimly with candles, now flickering as if they were slowly dying out. At the thought of it, he realized how beautiful they were, and wished that they would keep burning. Maybe it was the eternity in their flames which kept them beautiful, even if that eternity was only an illusion…

His eyes rested on the canvas which had fell to the floor. Thankfully, he thought, it hadn't fallen anywhere else but where he had stood earlier. He didn't want anything caught up in flames, the house, this painting, or Hyde for that matter. He studied the painting from where he stood. The sheets which covered it had fallen off, wrapping around the green paint of the forest like curtains to a room.

Now… Under those circumstances that finally he had come into, those painted eyes were captivating. Tetsu felt his heart wrench; those sadness in painting's… No, his own… Were overflowing. He half-expected it to blink; it was so realistic. He found himself being drawn to it, as he knelt down, and took one long look at it. The trees were tall and dark, and totally scary; the night had a cosmos above. That cosmos seemed to reflect in the figure's eyes. He was sitting on a rock, a cold bleak rock with many faults. The grass beneath was covered by flowers, however, and patches of clover leaves. But what was really most captivating was how Hyde had painted that figure on the canvas.

Tetsu's ghostly hands trailed over his own image, as if he could have felt it under his hands. That face… That was the Tetsu whom he knew. He realized how sad he had been all these while, in actual fact, rather than angry. It felt as if he was looking into a mirror of himself. And then, he studied the body of himself. It was perfectly smooth, and white, and glowing. It looked appealing in a different way from lust…

…Of course, that apple which glowed in a ghastly light. A tear came to Tetsu's eyes, and not even he knew why.

He realized that it was not having himself painted this way that he should have been offended. It was art. He felt more guilty than ever, as he looked up to see that cringing figure on the white bed—He realized that Hyde's heart was pure even as he did such a scene. Everything about Hyde could be as white as that room, he thought.

Maybe as lovely…

He got up, and walked slowly back towards the canopy bed. Hyde had taken up the entire bed, but his face was still dripping wet from tears. It almost made Tetsu want to cry as well. It was his fault that he had made such a pure being cry. He didn't want to, but…

Why was he such an idiot?

He closed his eyes, as he knelt down beside the bed, and slept where he wanted to. This wasn't just having his bed, it was to be beside Hyde again….
 
 
 
 

Tetsu's eyes fluttered open. It was late morning, and Hyde seemed to be still sleeping soundly. There was some strained murmuring, and Hyde's eyes were shut tightly. His hands gripped the sheets—He seemed to be having a nightmare.

"…Hyde….." He whispered, gently brushing his hand against Hyde's forehead. He stirred slightly, and then his eyes opened suddenly, wide and scared. Then he turned, realizing that it was Tetsu whom he was looking at. He was surprised, and then nearly burst into tears. …He's so fragile.

"….Tetsu? Was everything a dream?" He whispered. Tetsu wished that he could run his fingers through Hyde's hair and tell him that everything was real, but… .

He hated being a ghost. "…No."

What made him want to do so anyway? He knew the answer, but he refused to admit it. Hyde's eyes seemed to trap him with their teary depths, as he wondered how far and deep this talented young man really was inside his heart….

"Hyde, I'm here."

"But… You ran out. You hated me," Hyde's words were unbelieving, as his lips curled into a smile. "…Maybe it was a nightmare… Thank god…… I thought… I committed the crime again…"

"….Crime?" Tetsu repeated, not sure of what to do, or say. Maybe it was better to let Hyde think it was a nightmare after all…

"I made someone I like run away," Hyde said briefly. He wanted to say more, but instead, clamped his mouth shut as he waited for Tetsu's response.

Tetsu blushed a deep red. What….?! Why else would he draw you in that form, silly?! But…. It… I… He… "I… I guess I misunderstood…"

"Oh…." Hyde still smiled. He shrugged, looking carefree. He climbed out of bed, and Tetsu watched him—to see that the portrait lay down there, as real as can be. He glanced up at Tetsu in horror, suddenly darting to cover it back up. "….You… You were angry… It wasn't just a nightmare…" This time, real crystalline tears rolled down his smooth cheeks. "You're going to forgive me?…I.. .I will keep hurting you and hurting you…! And you'll leave me again……"

"…..Hyde." There was only one thing in Tetsu's mind, which had been so strong that it even permeated through his usual façade. .. "I will never leave you… You haven't hurt me, I hurt myself…."

He blinked, eyes wide and so beautiful……. .

"I think you saved me," Tetsu murmured. The feeling of guilt in his heart was so strong… . He could remember his past, he could remember the present… and how he had trapped himself into the present by that past… .. Then, his usual wall closed in again. "…You were annoying at times, though."

Hyde got out of his daze, and laughed slightly. "…Tetsu, you're such a lovely ghost. I'm glad I showed you the painting… By the way, it's called 'Temptation'."

Tetsu mentally kicked himself. "Temp.. .Temptation?!"

"But… But! I didn't mean it in that way! I swear…" Hyde was sincere. Tetsu could almost feel it radiating from deep within this kid. "….It… . It's different."

"Oh," Tetsu raised an eyebrow. Suddenly he didn't want to know.

Hyde laughed nervously and hurriedly put the canvas into a corner of the room, and stretched. He diverted the subject, reprimanding himself for speaking silly things again without even thinking.. ."I'll feed Snow."

Tetsu remembered the white bird suddenly, and lighted up. The two of them went into the kitchen, and got the bird food, and the usual routine… .continued.
 
 
 
 

"The selling price is three hundred thousand yen," Ken estimated, taking a puff on his cigarette. "Do try to get the bids as high as possible."

"Don't worry, Mr. Kitamura," The middle-aged caller replied, adjusting his tie properly. "It's your beloved nephew's work again, is it not? Besides, we get a pretty good commission."

Ken nodded. "And that too."

"I am sure that it will sell, though. This painting is none that I have seen before. Even if it's a duplicate."

"There is only one copy, and one original," Ken replied, shrugging. "The copy is as rare as the original."

"Heh. He's no Van Gogh." A dry business-man laughter, and then a politeness kicked in. "But it is indeed a fabulous work of art. He will surely become the new Van Gogh someday."

Ken said nothing, having gotten used to the business-man tactic. Flattery gets you everywhere. "Well, then, I expect much of you."

"Yes, Mr. Kitamura."

Ken retreated from the back rooms towards the place where the audience sat, and he sat with them. If no one else bought it, he would, even though he had faith. The people were the usual rich people on their asses, each of them looking rich and plump and pompous. The typical look, Ken decided. There was no pretty ladies around, and if there happened to be any, they belonged to old crones who were on the brink of death. Then he blinked.

This one is cute, but why is she dressed in a suit? Ken found his eyes tracing her face. It wasn't anything particularly perfect; there was just a lovable quality and nothing more. I wonder what's her name?

He blinked when he realized that she was talking to the youngster beside her, so softly that he couldn't hear. His instincts told him that they were lovers, even if they didn't act like a pair of it. No cross-dresser would act like a lover on such functions. A charity function, he thought dryly. People only would be interested in anything if it gave them a good name.

This lady seemed particularly annoyed about her lover's behavior, and was trying to talk him out of it. Her lover, however, was glaring at her in such a way that Ken could almost picture him hitting her when they got home. No, no, Ken-chan, too much drama for you. No more television before you sleep.

He turned his face, now convinced that he had nothing to do with it whatsoever. He wouldn't have anything to want to do with girls in suits, anyway. The auctions had begun, the CM first introducing the percentage which would go to the charity and the percentage which would go to the artists themselves. It hadn't meant anything; a certain amount would be donated, but that amount would never compare to the promised percentage in truth. It was all just a show for profit, nothing more.

Then they presented a glass vase. Ken thought Hyde would like it, but he would rather get it at the flea market. Some insane people ended at the bid of ten million four thousand yen. He only hoped that they would pay that much for Hyde's work. Then again, he kept telling himself that they would pay more for Hyde's work. It seemed only appropriate. Hyde was a skilled artist, if not a stubborn one, and that painting was lovely. It made Ken wonder who was it who made Hyde paint such a detailed piece. Every single clover and every single star, every single strand of hair seemed to shine with life. In other words, Ken was even tempted to keep it for himself.

But he was more interested in how much the others liked Hyde's work. And he didn't want to meddle in the purity of the artist's heart.

About five more items later, and much better prices than Ken would have expected, the painting finally was placed on the bidding row.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is a lovely painting by a new generation artist, Hyde Kitamura, the nephew of famous pioneer Mr. Kitamura himself. We can see from every detail the fine worksmanship…"

Ken thought that sounded like selling bronze plates.

"Hyde…Kitamura!" He heard an angered mutter amongst the crowds. He immediately turned, to find himself looking into the direction of that unruly young man and the lady who was trying to make him calm down. They were only two tables away, and Ken saw that the others were looking at the two with a disdained look on their faces.

"Five thousand!" The price gradually rose.

"Six thousand!"

"One million!" A voice rang out.

Ken's attention was immediately diverted, as he was surrounded by the sound of voices. These people… They wanted Hyde's work!

"We have one million! Such a fabulous piece of art should be appreciated with higher bids! One point five, anyone?"

"Two!"

"Two point one!"

"….." And so on. Ken couldn't believe his ears. It could have been one of the most expensive items in the house!

"Fifty million!"

"Sixty million!" Ken found his head turned again; it was that girl with a determined look on her face. A determined, yet wavering look.

No one else said anything. Apparently there was a limit to how much people cared. Sixty million one… Sixty million two… Deal. Ken soon found himself standing in the room, with the painting on the table and those two on one side.

The cash was handed over to the middleman, who seemed particularly happy about it. Ken said nothing, but only remained in silence, as he looked up at the girl. The young man beside her looked more angry than ever.

And then they left with the picture, and Ken was given his own due amount. He wished that he had bought it. I have fallen in love with a picture character! He joked to himself, as he made his way to the toilet. He probably had a champagne or two too much. As he pushed open the door, he heard two hissing voices.

Immediately, he stopped at the doorway, and listened.

"Sakura! You're ruining the painting!"

"That fucking little bastard!" Heavy breathing was heard, and then the sound of stumbling.

"Sakura!" This time, this voice sounded desperate, and it cried. "…All you care about is him!"

Ken edged closer to have a look. It was the earlier couple. Under the bright lights of the bathroom, the girl looked manly. He blinked, and reprimanded himself for that mistake. She was a he, and he was very manly. Ken didn't know how he could have made the mistake when it was so obvious.

"I don't care!" Sakura yelled in return.

"You broke up with him and you always talk about him. Now he's found another person, you should be happy! What do you treat me for?" Hurt was so obvious in those eyes; Ken felt sorry for him, yet he couldn't help thinking that it sounded like what anyone would encounter and say in cheap drama series.

"Yuki… I…" Sakura looked down guiltily, at the painting, then set it aside. "I didn't mean it."

This was the man who said that Hyde was a brat, Ken thought ironically, as he remembered what Hyde was murmuring that night when he came staggering in drunk wanting to die. Yuki looked up miserably, and his eyes shone. "You don't love me. You loved him, but you were just tired, that's all. You wanted a break and the break was me. I'm nothing more than that, Sakura. You'll forgive him again and you'll want him back."

"Yuki—" Sakura grasped Yuki's arm tightly, his expression set. Ken felt like punching this man, who broke Hyde's heart and was now breaking—or going to break—another's. He pulled Yuki close, and held him tight. "…I feel like a kid in this relationship. Every time, I forgive Hyde, but every time, you forgive me… Being forgiven is such a wonderful feeling, I like to be the animal…"

Yuki looked disbelieving as he held Sakura back. He buried his face into Sakura's shoulder, as if he was about to cry. Maybe he was.

Girl or not, they were lovers after all. And Hyde still mattered, fortunately or not. He would rather Hyde be left out of that relationship, and everything would peacefully and naturally go on. Ken sighed admiringly as he retreated from the bathroom. The ride home was going to be long, but he wasn't in any real need.
 
 
 
 

Hyde was surprised to receive a check for sixty million yen the next day. He didn't think a copy would sell for such an amount; it had only been a copy. Ken had asked him if he could own one copy too, and jokingly said that he'd pay him six million himself if he didn't have to go through bids. After having this cousin worry about him, he gladly let Ken make a copy for himself, which Ken had framed and put onto his living room wall. Hyde couldn't help but feel pride whenever he entered Ken's house; he seldom did, Ken was so busy. Ken's house had almost become Hyde's art gallery; all the things which he had drawn or painted had a copy framed up and dumped somewhere.

Tetsu… It's because of Tetsu, Hyde thought, as he happily skipped back home. He felt like dancing and yelling, but he was sane enough to not do it in public. Bursting into the house gave him great pleasure, as he slammed the door shut and started yelling, "Teeeeeeeeetsu!!"

"What?!" Came the immediate grumpy reply. "Quit yelling."

"That picture…. We must celebrate!" Hyde cheered, throwing his arms into the air and running about like a kid. Tetsu watched with an eyebrow raised, and Hyde did not stop until he was tired. Even then, he was bouncing up and down impatiently. "Come on! Let's draw another picture of you naked."

"What?!" Tetsu exclaimed, his eyes wide and fists clenched.

Hyde laughed and danced away. "Or we can do something. Have a barbecue, bake a cake, sing a song… Lalalalala…"

Tetsu looked at him with feigned sympathy. "Have you gone nuts?"

"Bwahahah! Nope!" Hyde dug into his pocket and pulled out Ken's check. "My art is worth sixty million yen!"

"What?!"

"Yes!!" Hyde laughed at Tetsu's unbelieving expression. "They're all perverts after all."

"What perverts!" Tetsu now sounded indignant. He crossed his arms.

Hyde shrugged, and put the check back into his pocket. Finally, he had calmed down enough, anyway Tetsu's expression was too cute. Instead, he made a face.

"Stupid Hyde," Tetsu murmured, his face as red as a tomato. Then he looked glum for a brief moment.

"…..What's wrong, Tetsu?" Hyde asked, worriedly.

"….Nothing," Tetsu replied, looking away. He looked as if he was about to say something else, but decided otherwise. Hyde didn't hesitate to smile comfortingly at Tetsu, and reached out to take his hand…

And his own passed through Tetsu's again, as if Tetsu had only been a hologram. Tetsu's brows furrowed, as he moved away from Hyde, looking more disturbed than ever. Hyde immediately tried to say something comforting, but…

"Don't worry, Hyde. I'm just dead." Tetsu smiled sadly, as he turned and disappeared.

"Tetsu?! Tetsu!"

"…Leave me alone for a while…" Came the ghostly voice echoing throughout the room. He couldn't tell where Tetsu was, not from that sound.

"Tetsu…. Why?" His lower lip trembled, as his large eyes gazed about frantically for a moment. Then, his eyes finally rested on that painting which was dumped carelessly on the bed, and he realized the truth. Tetsu's dead… after all.
 
 
 
 

He shook; he didn't know a ghost could shake. Yet he was shaking, as he looked from where he was to the crows outside. Their strong wings scraped the glass loudly, causing him to look up in distress, then it returned to its calm again—the sky was still that grayish blue, those birds outside were flying so freely.

He remembered what Mashiro had said before he died; A bird which flies in the sky, is it really free after all?

He still didn't want to think about it as Mashiro did. He could remember how Mashiro looked as he had put a hole in the gas pipe, and ushered Tetsu out of the house. He had understood what Mashiro meant to do—Kill both Sasser and himself.

At that time, that silly him had barged in, wanting to save Sasser… But he had turned back too late; Sasser died with in Mashiro's arms. He didn't think anyone could look so happy dying. He had wondered if he would ever feel the same, if he was about to die right then?

He buried Sasser's and Mashiro's bodies in the backyard, said a prayer to no one in particular, and slept himself to death in the bed. That bed of his, he mused. He didn't know who fixed the gas pipe, and who buried him, but he remembered a period of time where he had been floating endlessly like a dead fish in water. Why would he have cared anyway?

Then he came back, not knowing he was dead. He had a hunch which he didn't want to believe, but…

As soon as he tried to step out of the house…

He knew, he was. And it was his curse, to have wanted to steal his brother's wife back to life. He cried at having remembered that forbidden night, when she was drunk and lonely… But he ended up faltering; having felt such guilt.

When he finally looked up with teary eyes, he saw Hyde standing in front of him.

"….I knew you're here," He smiled, that smile seeming to shine as brightly as the sun.

"….Why?" Tetsu asked, blinking weakly. "I don't…"

"I saw that the window was open, and you're here… You do change back easily, don't you?" Hyde forced a laugh.

Tetsu simply looked away, not knowing what to say. Hyde sat down beside him, looking at the window together with him, both of them being submerged in that pale bluish light.

"…..Tetsu… Do you really yearn for the sky?" Hyde's lips parted, and his eyes seemed to glisten with tears.

"…I should think so," Tetsu murmured. He turned, to see that the bluish light played onto Hyde's skin, unwavering even as Hyde moved. So beautiful… Compared to himself…

"…So do I," Hyde forced a smile. "….Have you ever realized, in many pieces of significant art—mine included—" Tetsu looked amused, "that the sky is always a significant figure in them? And… Those beautiful songs which you've heard, they have a symbol in the sky too?"

"….Yes," Tetsu murmured, his eyes fluttering close for a brief moment. "…I wish… I can fly… I want freedom."

Hyde lowered his gaze. "Tetsu… You just haven't found your home yet. When you do… The sky is nothing but a mere icon for you."

"What home is there?" Tears started filling in again, and Hyde wished that he could wipe them away. "This place is all that I've ever had. There's nowhere else for me to go to, not even where Sasser and Mashiro live—I'm always alone… I feel so tired… Exhausted…"

"….Tetsu, don't cry," That was all he could say. He couldn't say he didn't understand; he had felt that way before he met Sakura, and right after Sakura had ditched him. Yet he didn't feel so alone immediately afterwards. Because… I've found you. He leaned closer towards that apparition, putting a hand on its shoulder as best as he could. He felt the coldness of the air move under it—if it was air. "The home is always there when you come back from wandering in search of freedom."

"But… I don't even know where the sky is…" Tetsu couldn't stop shaking. And tears flooded down move violently than before, but this time, it was because of that warmth. "Or home…"

"Tetsu…" Hyde whispered, wishing that he could hold him closer and entangle his fingers in those long strands. "Would you believe me, if I said home is always by your side? It's not a place, or anything… But something which would take you no matter what, as you are…"

He nodded, feverishly. When he finally gathered enough courage, he took hold of that warm hand as best as he could, wishing he could hold it tighter. That warmth felt so comfortable, more comfortable than the memory of Sasser's smile or anything equivalent. Suddenly, he realized that it was what he had been yearning for that was in the sky. "Hyde…" He murmured. "What about you?"

Hyde laughed foolishly. "I think I have found it, even if that home doesn't feel like I'm a part of it."

"….Sakura?"

"No, not him." Hyde swore he could feel Tetsu's presence just by breathing. "…..Someone."

"Hyde…" He didn't dare to look into those sparkling eyes.

"Nnn?"

"….Nothing."

"…..It's no big deal being dead, Tetsu… Maybe your being here is just so that you can find your home, even if you won't call it home—Oh, I don't know—but…. There's a purpose of your presence, Tetsu… Trust me," Hyde pulled his hand out of the embrace of the cold air. "That even if you're not here, someone else will feel you right now, simply by existing…Even if she's not by your side."

"….If I said, you are my home—?"

Hyde looked up, in tears, to see Tetsu looking away. That frail figure, so much like a bird's… A bird which couldn't fly, a bird which had no home. A bird which was all alone, with no flock to help it. "…….I don't know."

"Hyde…" Tetsu knew he couldn't hide it from his eyes. He wished that he could disappear, but this time…. "I guess. It's time to feed Snow, isn't it? I didn't say anything. Let's go."

He had disappeared too much, ran away from too much. His love for Sasser, when he didn't know what was love. He needed to be strong, he wanted to have something to live for. And… He had always been alone… If love was not home, then, he would rather kill it. But, this warmth…

As if he always lived just for it to hold him……. .

"What are you waiting for, Hyde?" He looked up nervously.

"Nothing," Hyde smiled, this time genuinely. I'm glad I'm not alone… Too. "Yeah, let's feed Snow."
 
 
 
 

Hyde looked up when he heard the sound of Snow's feathers brushing against the cage. "…Snow?"

Tetsu, who was sitting beside him all along, looked up as well. He drifted towards the bird worriedly, and caressed it gently. "I think it's frightened…"

"…But… There's nothing to be frightened about," Hyde replied, looking confused. The sky was clear outside, and there was no wind. The sparrows continued to grace the balcony occasionally, and nothing had been unusual.

"……I hope so," Tetsu murmured. He looked as if he wasn't convinced, and neither was the bird.

"Don't worry… I think it should be okay," Hyde smiled as warmly as he could, and put his paintbrush aside, knowing full well that if it dried up, he would have to remix the color again. "There's nothing to worry about, don't worry."

"What if… You don't know?" Tetsu said darkly, his eyes clouding over. "I have a bad feeling."

Hyde didn't know what to say; he had never been a ghost or a bird. Instead, he picked up his brush and continued painting calmly. After a moment of silence, with Tetsu holding the bird carefully, he said, "…But even so, do you know what it is?"

Tetsu shook his head.

"Then… There's nothing we can do, isn't it?" Hyde's brush strokes grew frenzied even though he didn't mean to. "…We can't possibly leave here as far as possible simply because it's a bad feeling. It might just be a bad day, we don't know."

"It's what you interpret of it," Tetsu replied. "I don't know… I think Snow does, but… Oh, it feels like it's approaching."

Note: As of 2000 September, I had typed a LOT of words, but Word crashed and everything went nuts. That's when I lost about half of the fic.

(Ironically, I had saved everything on a diskette so that when the hardisk crashed, I won't lose my fic. Yet all windows need to do is to fuck up once and months of hard work is gone. *smirks* I do deserve it, don't I?)

I will be continuing on this, but it will not be so soon. I do intend to do so… But it may take months, because there are fics that I want to work on, and will be juggling with. Please be patient. Meanwhile, comments will be appreciated.

http://xz0ne.cjb.net
voidmatsumoto@yahoo.co.uk