Hidoko

Saturday, June 20, 19981:05:05 PM

One day, I was summoned to my destiny. My Father in heaven had called upon me to be the guardian angel of a particular young man named Kurama. I had never been a guardian angel before, for I had no one whom I especially cared for on earth, nor as an angel, have I seen one worthy of my special care. But my Father called upon me and asked me to take care of a particular young man named Kurama, and for that I was surprised. Still, I obeyed, for my Father was not to be defied.

So, one day, I went down and saw the most beautiful being of all. He was much more beautiful than any angel was in heaven, and perhaps more beautiful than Lucifer had been, I have never seen him before; I am but a junior angel. The first thing I noticed of him was his flaming red hair. This red hair reminded me of human blood, the essence of life and the blood that Jesus, my lord and brother had shed for me two thousand years ago. Next I saw his green eyes. The beautiful green eyes, liquid and full of a sense of belonging made my heart melt. Somehow, those green eyes seem to be full of love and loneliness. I fell in love that moment I saw him, and I knew the reason my Father had said that this was my destiny.

I wondered what a guardian angel should do, for I knew nothing about this chore. So the next morning, I prepared breakfast for him, though I haven't done any cooking for decades. He had to wake up half way, so I hurriedly flew away. I think he saw me, but I realise that logically it was impossible unless he had a really fast eye.

I watched, through the open window, as he smiled, said his grace, and ate it, with that silly smile stuck on his face, and that dreamy look.

A stab of pain came into my heart as I realised that he could be thinking about some human girl, and I shook my head. After all, I am but a dead person.

***

He always read a book called "The Shadow Angel", and I also did not understand what it is about. I did not understand why he liked that book so much.

He would try talking to me, aloud, and I never answered. I never was to make my presence known, which was a sad thing but the guardian angels agreed because they loved the people. I had been a typical guardian angel.

One day, as I went about my normal routine, and put his books under the table as I did every morning, praying for his books, whereever they were, whether in his home or his locker, to appear under his table. Suddenly I heard a yell, "Hiei!"

I turned, and every cell in my body froze when I saw Kurama. "Kurama…?"

I unfurled my wings and got ready to fly away, when he grabbed my wrist.

"You… You are real?" His face was a mixture of wonder and knowledge.

"Why else are you grasping me?" I snorted, as I would in my past life.

"Sounds like poetry," Kurama smiled foolishly, and I snorted just to keep myself on balance. "Why do you have wings?"

"I'm an angel, baka."

"Angels aren't supposed to curse."

"Let's just say I have the permit."

***

I never got away from him since that day, and one day, as I was washing the dishes, he came in with a uniform a size larger than me.

"Wear it," He said, and I did as told.

He inspected me for a moment, and I was a new student of his classes, as his cousin.

***

Rumours were going on, and I knew. I spoke to Kurama about it, and Kurama smiled and said, "Nothing matters as long as you're here."

That night, I could not sleep. Kurama was such a good person, I could not ruin his life like that.

I went into his room, watched his sleeping features for a moment. He seemed so peaceful that I could not bear to leave him, but with pain in my heart I did.

***

The next day he woke up and did not see me around, for I was well hidden in the trees. He looked around a bit, calling my name, first thinking that it was a joke, then the voice turned to urgency and then to dispair. It pained me to see him like that, but I would rather die than see his life ruined. Finally, he collasped on the floor and tears rolled down his cheeks.

The sadness my heart felt then was worse than what I felt in my past life, but I could not go back. Not unless I want to see his life ruined.

He began skipping school, and everyday he would call out to me, but I bit back my reply and he would cry.

One day, he decided that it was no use. What had he done but get himself a motorcycle and challenged other cyclists! I know the danger of racing, and pain filled my heart. Still, I did not go back, thinking that he would return to his school life after a while.

He got booked, but he never seemed to care. He never stopped as I thought he would, but raced till he was competing with the largest underground societies.

I could not appear in front of him, though he cried, though I knew the danger of racing. I knew that he knew, too, but he did not care since he felt no better than a dead person. I wanted to tell him not to race, not to be like that and PLEASE care about his own life, but I never did and he never stopped.

Soon he did a one to one basis with the Central society top cyclist. I feared for his life, for I knew the danger of the Central underground society. They would not spare a child's life just to win.

When Kurama crashed off hill, I saved him from the explosion with his bike.

"Hiei…" Kurama's big fathomless eyes half opened and blood poured out of the wounds he got while racing.

"Shh…" My eyes were moist but I stopped before I got too emotional. I sent Kurama back into his flat and tended to his wounds.

Under my careful treatment, Kurama finally recovered. I promised never to leave Kurama's side for as long as I could, and I did not say forever because I was from another world and I did not know what the future held.

***

One day, Kurama decided to take me to go hiking. I went along, for I could not bear to see him disappointed. He seemed to be very happy, and I felt happy, as he looked so happy.

When I finally got out of my daze, I sighed with resignment. I had given my wings up or the backpack, which would only make me fall faster if I was to fall. Humans are so stupid, I decided. But I had to admit; I'm so useless that I'm tied up to Ningenkai, by all stupid means.

Kurama put down his backpack, and stretched. I yawned and settled cross-legged on the mat. Kurama took off his hat and let down his waterfall of bushy red hair. His eyes were gleaming with a satisfaction and excitement. I put down his backpack and let my wings appear. They had almost gotten cramped up trying to be unmaterialistic. I had not been practicing hiding them for quite some time already. The wind was very active and my feathers flew about. I was a bit annoyed, but decided not to bother about it.

The sun was setting, and I watched on as the red light bathed us in bizarre red light, mesmerised. I smiled. Kurama sighed a happy sigh and we ate.

When we were done, I handed both backpacks to Kurama and unfolded my wings. I held on to him and glided down the mountain. I had never tried carrying extra load before, and I never glided before. So it was a bit of a miracle that we landed safely.

Kurama also tried to get back to school, which of course wasn't easy for him. But Kurama's family had money anyway, and he got in through the backup.

I also got in, after Kurama begged his parents to help this "Poor homeless boy".

Kurama had lost his reputation, and all because of me. If I had not left him, he would not have gotten into illegal racing. I knew that rumours about Kurama and me were going on, as he was always seen with me. We never did anything obscene publicly, but I knew it from the way they looked at us. I wanted to leave again, but if Kurama went back to illegal racing and even go into drugs, I would be heart broken again. Kurama didn't deserve to ruin his life like that because of anyone.

Illegal racing was a way of committing suicide, if you asked anyone on the streets. Any decent person, that is. Kurama wasn't caring about his life when he went into that, and that was what made him win. Any life lover would steer clear of danger even racing and those would lose in illegal racing.

Drugs were worse.

I knew what those things did to the human body and always tried to steer Kurama clear of anything like that without seemingly having done so. I never tried to tell him straight, perhaps I was afraid that he would scoff at me, so I hinted it very much, and I thought he got the point.

***

Now, Kurama had terrible enemies. Besides some of the racers, whom he defeated some time ago, he had lots of them in school. Guys who was jealous of him and guys who hated him for being so smart and guys who loved to hate people with no reputation.

They always called Kurama a girl and I would silence them with a glare, and of course that was unless Kurama wasn't pissed off already and ready to murder.

Sometimes those lunatics who needed professional help would tease him terribly by saying that they wanted to tear Kurama's clothes apart and see for themselves whether he really was a girl and if he had that thing implanted.

If I could I would have taken off their head had the Word not said; "Thou shall not murder."

But Kurama never blamed me for anything, nor did he seem to care. He only seemed to care about my opinion, and so long as he was sure that I did not care about what others thought, he was happy.

Thank God for him.

***

One day, I went to shop for groceries and Kurama stayed at home. I was walking home when I felt something was wrong and I rushed back home. The door was wide open, and I saw lots of blood on the floor. I followed the blood trail, and saw that it led to the kitchen. I tried to figure out what had happened, but all I could think of was Kurama's safety. I prayed to my father that I might know what had happened, and suddenly I saw images of a huge gang of sport people, Kurama holding a knife, someone cutting Kurama on the face, barbed wire wrapping around Kurama's body, a cave, someone laughing and raping Kurama…

I cried out in both pain and rage as I blindly thrust the groceries aside and used my Jyagan to find out where he was. It took me quite a while, and I flew in a hurry to stop whoever was hurting Kurama so much. I could almost hear Kurama's cries echo in my mind.

When I finally reached there, I saw many naked men standing, all bleeding, and a man on top of Kurama. With rage I cut them all into a thousand pieces and pulled that man away from my beloved. Soon he was dead meat, too, and his dirty blood made everything messy.

I unwinded the barbed wire and he closed his eyes. I knew how he feltt, as I went through rejection before, and I had expected rejection from him before.

"Kurama…" I took off my cloak.

"Hiei…"

I covered his slender shoulders with my cloak, and he continued, "Take me out of here, please?"

I said nothing much, and I carried him away.

***

"Hiei…" Kurama finally opened his eyes and looked into mine, before exploring my face for a while. I looked back at him. "Please… Tell me… Will you leave me because of this?"

"Because of this?" I saw such pain in his features that I could not bear to look.

He looked away, tears in his eyes, and he shut them. I felt such raw sadness and fear that I almost cried for him. He was indeed such a great person.

"Tell you what, Kurama," I put him down, conciously not to cause him any pain. "I'll never leave you no matter what."

"But I've lost what I was supposed to give whom I love."

I shut my eyes and buried my face in his red waterfall of hair. "I've never told you. Actually the invention of language is for communicating about one's feelings but I never told you."

Kurama looked up, his green emeralds shining enquiringly at me.

"I love you. Though I've never told you this, I really love you."

Tears were running down his cheeks. "Even like this? Even with all these scars all over my body?"

"I love you for who you are, not what you are physically." I took hold of Kurama's hand and held it. "I want to give you something."

I took hold of Kurama's head and opened his jyagan, placed it on Kurama's forehead.

I gave him my memory, my past, and I knew that he would reject me when he saw that. But I wanted him to know that I had experienced what he felt before, and that he would never be rejected.

"That was my last and first life." I said, looking away, sorrowfully.

I expected rejection; what would Kurama want to do with a once fallen person like him? Kurama had never fallen, though he was ruined by some bastards.

I got ready to leap and fly away before he could turn away from me, but Kurama wrapped his arms tighter around me, close to him.

"I don't have anything for you." Kurama sighed. "The bible had been cruel when it said that all earthly things shall perish one day."

I had been surprised, and touched by his great love.

Suddenly, he fell to his knees and prayed, despite his cuts.

"Thank you," I whispered, and suddenly surprise was in my mind as it was in his features.

:.Hiei?.:

:.Wha?.: I was shocked to the core at the thing that had happened inside my mind. What was the prayer which Kurama prayed that made us telepathic?

Then I understood, through Kurama's understanding. And I felt his love overwhelm me, much more than I could fathom, as my love for him overwhelmed me, too.

:This….:

:.I know… ….:

:.Do you want it to be removed?.:

:.It's the greatest thing….:

I too, felt as if what he felt, as if I was him, what he wanted, I knew, as if they were thoughts deep in my heart. We leaned forward, and he pushed me down. It had been my desire had his body not been so full of wounds, and he must have felt it and thought it was his desire. We kissed.

:.Never alone again….:

:.Never alone.:

Our thoughts were so mingled as we exchanged breaths that we could not tell which was which. Burning, ever so hot…

:.Forever….:

:.Love you.:

:.Different….:

:.This moment is eternity.:

:.Natch….:

My hands roamed up to the collar of his cape, as if they had their own will.

:.Flaming.:

:.White hot.:

:.This can burn for eternity.:

:.Our love.:

:Everlasting.:

***

When I heard about Kurama's old girlfriend, I was unhappy, but I trusted Kurama would not walk out on me. So I said okay since she was, after all, Kurama's friend.

Still, I somehow could not be as open as I was. I even erected a shield in my mind so that Kurama knew not what I was thinking. After all, who knows, I might be hurt again…

Kurama was in love with his new school, though it was not a boarding school and he had to get up six in the morning for transport. It did not have all the facilities for the pupils, but the people there were less cocky and more accepting. Though they would still call him gay if they knew I and him was in love.

Hinoto was waiting by the gate for Kurama and once she saw me ahe asked me to but some drinks for them. I agreed, though I knew she wanted to get rid of me. Kurama was not being very torlerant, I could notice, but he never asked her to stop pestering us. Still, I went, as I always did.

I was queing up and thinking about things when Kurama suddenly appeared out of nowhere and dragged me out of the queue.

"Quick, Hiei, run!"

***

I finally understood how he felt about Hinoto in the hotel room.

***

I was at the place where we had that convenant. I remembered how Kurama had prayed, and how much faith he put in that prayer. No wonder my father answered his prayer. Faith as small as a seed could move mountains.

I remembered how much love he put in that prayer, too…

How much he loved me. But I…

I would have to leave. I had to leave after so many days on Earth, and I had made a promise with my Father when I was still in heaven that I would come back.

Suddenly he came running to me, and I knew that somehow he had gotten the message.

"Hiei…"

I nodded. Such sadness I felt that it must have showed in my eyes, such pain I felt that it must have cut through his soul as it cut through mine.

"So you knew about it from the beginning," He said.

"I'm sorry."

He threw his arms around me and drew me nearer.

"I…" He cried out. He kissed me, and I treasure it, for probably it would have been the last time we kissed. Finally, we made love, for the last time, before Hiei could be gone.

It was the place where they made love first and where they made love last.

***

I stood on the building aimlessly. Kurama looked up at me. Such pain was in his eyes that I could have cried out then. No words, no nothing. Silence was all that they had, and at that time silence was deadly. Kurama smoothed his hair, his blood red hair that was flowing out of control with the wind.

Light streamed down from above, making everything else seem so dim. Even Kurama.

I felt the warmth, yet I would have given up the warmth for Kurama.

And I left.

***

For days in heaven I could only think of Kurama, and Kurama alone. I could not concentrate on my work, and my chief angel told me to learn to be stronhger. I felt pain, and often I could hear Kurama's mental cry for me. I could even feel his tears.

Sometimes I would try to steal a look at him on earth, and I would see him illustrating me and himself. I would sometimes see him on the spot where I left, and I would see him drinking. But he never heard my cry for his safety, and I could almost hear his death wish.

One day, I saw as Kurama woke up to a new day and found himself back in time, as he had prayed the night before.

I saw Kurama returning to his time, as my father had granted him.

***

I went further back into the past and did what Kurama did. I wrote a book, of the things which had happened and would happen. I named it "Blood, My Life" and I sent a copy of it tho a publishing firm so that Kurama could read it.

I knew I had sinned greatly when I killed the jocks, and I Had never asked for forgiveness. I knew that my Father would not have allowed me to enter heaven had not been for our promise, and I would be chased away and banished into the great depths of Hell.

My book got published, and I saw Kurama as he watched his younger form. Then, he walked towards the newstand, and looked ta my book, which was specially written for him.

He never did hear my last words, as I flew away.

"I love you."

***

Suddenly, I felt Kurama's presence leave me. I knew then, that Kurama had died. Horror struck me when I realised that he would be sent to Hell since he must have commited suicide.

I hurriedly went back to Heaven, to the bridge between Heaven and Hell.

I saw my Father leave him, and I hurriedly stepped out.

"Please…"

"What are you doing here, Hiei?"

"Please, give me whatever punishments you give him. Living alone to me is meaningless to me, without Kurama, whom I love most…"

"Fool! Life is treasured above all!"

I shook my head. "Life is treasured only when you have a loved one…"

My Father knew then, our love for each other. "Fine! Then I'll send you back in time, to another dimension, to this place where Makai is just as bad as hell and you both will have to live there. There will be a Reikai and a Ningenkai, and then you both shall meet."

"Thank you…"

***

Kurama looked at me, his green eyes shining with both happiness and sadness. "I'm sorry…"

"No, you're not at fault. I chose my destiny."

We stepped into a time void and felt all else slip away into darkness.

***

I could hear voices shouting, "Forbidden Child! Throw him into the lake!"

A tear gem was handed to me, and I recognised having seem it before when I first opened my eyes. I held it, and with tears in her eyes the woman threw me into the lake, and I fell…

I felt so hurt then. Why did they have to throw me down? Why did they call me "Forbidden Child"? Why? Was it because I'm a boy? Was it because they were girls? Why?
I began to close my eyes as I hit the ground, and pain filled my body. Amidst my pain, I could hear a voice from above.

"You shall find your Bloody Desert Rose, whom you came here for."

I smiled, amidst my pain and agony, and slipped away into total subconciousness as snolw sucked greedily at my temperature.

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Monday, June 22, 1998 3:03:43 PM

Hi!

I can't believe I completed this so fast. Now I can do theother version of Blood.

Hurray!

Actually, I kinda miss Judah.

Remember to email if you have any Yu Yu songs lyrics or Rurouni Kenshin or Cyber Formula songs. Or any fanfic or pics tat you might want to supply me with. Please.

Hmm… If only I can have koinonia with those Region C youth again… I think Kenny is a good brother.

xz0ne
voidmatsumoto@yahoo.co.uk