Translation FOREWORD: (please read!)
  This fanfiction is written by Nijiya, a rather good Chinese fanfic writer. Her works can be found at techanbbs.yeah.net (but you'll have to search for it a bit), if you're interested and can read Chinese. I've gained the permission through Hytsu, the webmaster of the aforementioned BBS.
  It must be noted that this story is written so that Hyde, in his current state, recollects the past. However, there is no past tense in Chinese; sometimes (rarely, except when Hyde's mother rambles about the past) a word or two is added to indicate that it happened before. So basically, it is up to senile old me to decide what tense to use... As insecure as I am, I daresay that I surely have made some mistakes somewhere.
  Also, I have not been loyal to certain sentence structures. A few words have been edited away, phrases re-written, and even irrelevant phrases have been abridged. I don't think I could maintain the spirit and flow of the fiction if I were to translate it directly, and I apologise for my inability.
  As for the copyright, the translated version belongs to me, hidoko Matsumoto, but the original Chinese version remains property of Nijiya.
 
 

Never Again -1/13-
Original author: Nijiya
Translator: hidoko Matsumoto

  Back when I was younger our Shaolin Kungfu master would teach us about the inner workings of Chinese kung-fu. One of the Ways worked by the logic that was to empower strength with gentility. The most obvious simile would be a strong force hitting a ball of cotton or a pool of water; neither cotton nor water would be wounded in the slightest bit. Although I felt that it made sense, I never did grasp the true meaning of it-- that is, until I met him.
  Master said that in China there was another kungfu that could be put on par with Shaolin Kungfu-- that was Taichi. If Shaolin Kungfu was a type of strong kungfu, then Taichi could be said to be gentle. According to Chinese proverbs there was a simile that compared a person's negation of sharp questions to "fighting using Taichi", and horror of horrors, he must therefore be a "master" at Taichi.
  "Gentle Tetsu--" This is what many people think of him.
  Through the dark blue tint of the car window, I watch him help an old lady across the street-- so, this is the reason he fled the car-- on his child-like face is the usual gentle smile. Like everybody I'm enchanted by his smile, but I know that his gentility is definitely not as amiable as spring's wind.
  If one thinks that he is like cotton or a placid pond, that he remains irresponsive even under threat, then one would be wrong.
  If he is cotton, then he hides a needle beneath, and he is definitely not a placid pond-- under a clear stream, there will always be torrents at the utmost bottom.
  Don't think that I'm really smart, or that I understand this much simply because I've been by his side for ten years-- it is not as if most people can understand each other even when they accompany each other for the most part of their lives. Even my understanding of him is paid for heavily-- paid for with "happiness", the happiness that is to be able to love and to be loved.
  It is only when one is pricked by the needle that one knows that within the cotton a needle is hidden promptly; it is only when one almost drowns under a stream that one knows of the torrents beneath its surface.
  "What's with this state of stupor? If we don't drive away now we're going to get a ticket."
  "Eh? Nothing." I hurriedly shift my body aside-- I've shifted to the driving seat in order to watch his "charitable act".
  I see the traffic police blow his top just as Tetsu drives away skilfully.
  Will his childlike heart ever burn out?
  "Since when did Tetchan like doing charity?"
  He chuckles, "Me~~ I've always been a good youth."
  I smile. Youth? --More like Uncle! But since every year's "Ten Most Outstanding Youths" are all forty and above, I suppose we should be considered teenagers.
  Regardless of whether my words are spoken with malice or from the heart, he has the ability to change them into healthy jokes.
  "I...... like Tetchan......"
  After he returned from Osaka, we were in the my house alone. In the light of dusk he was playing his guitar; disjointed chords filled the house. After a week's struggle against myself, I finally came up with the courage to tell him words that has been buried within my chest for years.
  "Un!" He nodded, "I like Hyde too~~ Kenchan said that he saw many fans on the net who wished that we were together-- then let us marry, and have a bunch of kids...... But we must name them starting from Kyurou (Nineth boy)-- because Hyde is Hachirou (Eighth boy)!"
  His eyes glittered mischievously.
  "I'm serious!" I wasn't in the mood for jokes, "I like Tetchan the way a lover does, I really do like Tetchan."
  His expression froze a little, but immediately melted into a gigantic smile.
  "Oh... We're together everyday, aren't we closer than even lovers? Don't tell me Hyde wants this, and wants that......"
  I immediately took action-- using a kiss-- to shut his evil mouth up.
  In the house that was growing dimmer by the moment, my wish had come true-- I kissed him deeply for a long time.
  He gradually went limp in my kiss, the kiss that I'd put all of my strongest feelings and ardent desires in.
  When our lips finally parted, the sound of our deep breaths merged in the house that was totally flooded with darkness. I was holding a body that was more slender than mine, feeling him leaning into my embrace. Just when I thought I could possess all of him, chuckles broke the reverie that I'd held for the future.
  With a teasing tone that is reserved for dirty jokes on radio programs, he said, "Is Hyde deprived of girls? Now he's trying to get laid with guys...... If I'd known sooner, when we went to Morocco I should have just gotten laid with Hyde instead......"
  At that moment I heard a tiny sound resembling that of wooden sticks snapping to two. Then I realised that that really was the breaking of my heart and dreams.
  If one thinks that the finger has been pricked just once, then one would be wrong. Not long after, a second needle stabbed into my heart, causing it to bleed profusely. He had arranged for me and my current wife to meet for the first time. When I heard him yell, "DENWABANGO (telephone number)", I could only hide melancholy and anger with a stiff grin.
  After the show ended, I stared at him in the deserted carpark, him who didn't stop smiling that goddamned smile. Cautiously yet slowly I put my right hand on his left breast and felt tremendous heartbeats beneath my palm. Troubled, he gazed at me, and I used a sharp and bitter tone that I'd never used before, "And I thought you're heartless."
  Then I turned around and stomped away.
  I had my pride. --But, from then till now I've never stopped cursing myself for wanting pride back then. GODDAMN!!
  "Oi, what are you so angry about? I've never seen the passenger curse the red light instead of the driver."
  I snap out of my daze. He is laughing at the curse I'd uttered when I was too immersed in my reminiscences of the past.
  In order to hide my embarrassment I turn a little to watch the flow of vehicles. The car, wedged in the jam, slowly starts again.
  "Oi-- Why are there so many cars in Japan? If only there's half less!"
  "Dream on!" I take the opportunity to return him the blow.
  "Hyde's so devoid of ambitions-- he doesn't even know how to dream." He shakes his head helplessly, "Oi-- Kenchan, Yukki and you are the same. Without ambitious Tetsu me, I reckon Laruku'll only release one CD in three years."
  "Yes-- Ambitious Tetchan!" My lips lift to hide the bitterness that is surfacing in my eyes. His ambition is money, reputation, power, social position-- that's all. For him, that must be peanuts! What about my ambition? --It's just a promise from him, it doesn't even have to be promise, I'll be happy enough to get just his acceptance. Too bad this is what can be wished for but is impossible to get. --Looks like the one with the greatest ambition is me!
  Red and yellow flash before our eyes, a gigantic, promiscuous M towers above.
  "Eh? Mac Donald's coming out with new burgers? Don't know if Yukki's tried those."
  "I bet his lunch today is this, takeaway."
  His smile widens, "True."
  I divert my gaze to the diminishing shophouse's banners. Ever since that "Fate's Arrangement", he and Yukki often wear similar T-shirts and flirt publicly. I know thus he does have a heart, it's just that it's not with me.
  But I've rejected this idea since the beginning, although I know that it's really just self-denial. I took his closeness with Yukki to be a ploy to strengthen L'Arc's stronghold. The reason being after Sakura's ordeal he often blamed himself for never spending time to understand Sakura so that he could have interfered before things went out of hand.
  He holds on to Yukki simply because he's trying to hold on to a saviour-- I try my best to convince myself this.
  Sadly, I'm not even a saviour.
  I know that the distance between us grew after that, to the extent of us losing our mutual coordination on stage. When I tried to get close to him during LIVE, he no longer lowered his head shyly to hide his tiny smile with wine-red hair; instead he simply sends a billion-watt smile to the camera and the countless fans beneath us. When I gazed at him from where the mike was, what I saw was either him facing Ken playing bass, or turning around to exchange smiles with Yukki.
  A warm and congenial sun suddenly bursts forth with with energy; scorching brilliance threatens to flood over everything. In truth when astronomers photograph the sun, there are more black dots on it than usual.
  In Hong Kong he was asked in an interview what was the "secret behind maintaining the band's activities for such a long period of time". His reply was, "Stick to them a little, but not too much." I know that it doesn't mean he does it all throughout these ten years. "Stick to them a little" refers to the past, "not too much" refers to now.
  Just as Hong Kong was returning to China as one, Tetsu and I were walking in opposite directions.

Never Again -2/13-
Original author: Nijiya
Translator: hidoko Matsumoto

  "Come to think of it, Hyde's not been enjoying my driving skills for a long time. I got kinda freaked out when I saw you waving at me on the curb-- I thought somebody mistook me for a cab driver. Hyde... When will somebody call me 'Uncle'? Hyde? Hyde? Do--i--hachi--rou!"
  "Eh?"
  If not for the safety belt, I would have jumped. "Te-chan, are you trying to scare me to death?"
  "What's up with you? Stoning away like that-- don't tell me it's some sort of father-to-be sickness?"
  "What the hell~~~~" How does he come up with such things?
  "I asked you, when will your dear little son meet me? What are you stoning away like that for? --Sigh, how are you gonna be a dad if you're so crazy?"
  I grunted with annoyance.
  "It's soon enough anyway, what are you so anxious about? I'm the father and I'm not even half as anxious as you are! If you really want someone to call you 'uncle', then go marry Mochida and have one; wouldn't it be much better to be called 'daddy'?"
  "How can I sacrifice my youth just to step into the grave of marriage?"
  He whistled.
  "So that's why you shoved me in?"
  I glared at him.
  "Wrong!" He replied cheerfully, "I only told Hyde how to get there; it's Hyde who stepped in by himself-- actually Hyde doesn't think it's a grave, right? Didn't you propose it out of your own will?"
  It's true. I did propose it out of my own will. If I couldn't get the person whom I wanted, then, it doesn't matter who else marries me, right? When my parents heard about this occasion, they rushed over, all the while complaining about my impertinence.
  "How can you do things so imprudently when you're already this old!"
  "Didn't you say you want me to marry sooner? What are you complaining about?"
  "Yeah, but it's so rushed. Wouldn't Ooishi's parents be unhappy about this?"
  "They wouldn't. Ooishi's parents are nice people."
  "That's right, but... Anyway, you really have to thank Ogawa-kun for this arrangement."
  I could only suffer silently when the clot was peeled from my wound.
  "Ogawa-kun's actions were really fast; he acted right after you went on the TV show. We got quite a surprise-- he's really a righteous youth."
  What does that mean? I gazed at my mom's excited expression puzzledly.
  "Didn't you ask Ogawa-kun to drop by Wakayama when he went back to Yonehara?"
  "Yeah..." My suspicions were slowly being confirmed.
  "We got along with Ogawa-kun pretty well. I told him, our Hideto's got many girlfriends, but he just can't seem to settle down. Ogawa-kun's his good friend, he can help. Hideto's the only child; we want him to carry on with the family name. But looking at his current state, I don't think the time will ever come! Ogawa-kun agreed and said he'd help. --And soon enough, he did arrange for both you and Ooishi to meet. Since Ooishi has always been your idol, you're serious about her, right? Finally, the day has come..."
  The buzz in my mind overwhelmed what mom was saying. I reminisced upon his body, which, in the unlit dusk, trembled as his breaths quickened. How much truth did the laughter that resounded bear? At that time, the only response that I had towards that disquiet laughter was:
  "Didn't Te-chan enjoy my kiss, too?"
  He laughed irrepressibly, "How interesting."
  Later, laughing all the while, he left my darkened house. I've only heard that lunatic laughter once so far. Now that I think of it, I can almost remember how  that hysteric laughter concealed sobs; it's just that I was so overwhelmed by frustration and sorrow that I didn't realise...
  On the eve of the wedding, I dunked so much beer into myself that even Kenchan and Yukki, who wanted me drunk the the first place, got uneasy about it. In truth, the more I drank the more sober I became. At last, everybody put him, whose words had slurred even as he claimed that he was sober, in charge of sending me home. At that time I watched him drive like I'm watching him now, but the difference is, my body was slumped against the seat, free from the safety belt's restriction.
  "Anything wrong?"
  "I'm thinking, why the hell are you such a bastard?"
  "Eh?"
  He gazes at me in shock and incomprehension; immediately I realise that I've mistaken the past for the present.
  "Anything wrong?"
  "I'm thinking, why the hell are you such a bastard?"
  We said the exact same words that night. He gazed at me incomprehensively.
  "So you're great, eh? After listening to my parents' worries, you immediately got me to meet a woman... You're so fucking noble!"
  "What are you talking about?"
  His long, thin brows lifted slightly.
  "I'm saying, YOU, Tetsuya Ogawa, is a noble bastard!"
  Not even considering the occasion, I grabbed his collar. He hit the driving wheel vehemently; the car swerved towards the curb, the screech of brakes piercing through the silent streets.
  "You're drunk!" He pushed me aside, steadied himself and prepared to reverse.
  With speed unlike that of a drunkard's, I grabed the car key and threw it out of the window with all my might.
  "Hyde! You've gone too far!"
  He seemed to be really angry; his tolerant expression became strict.
  "I'm NOT drunk! I'm more awake than anytime and anyone!" Suddenly, I smile, lifting his chin with one palm. "Te-chan, you're pretty even when you're angry-- but I still prefer it when you smile..."
  He glared at me coldly for three seconds, and reached for the handle of the door. And I subconsciously stopped what he was doing; when I realised what was going on, I had already pinned him down.
  "Let me go, Hyde."
  If alcohol hadn't given me courage and strength, his expression would surely have made me realise how serious things were. I gripped him like a vice; him, being so slender, was unable to move.
  As if it was a natural thing to do, I kissed that attractive face. He drew blood from my lip, gratifying my hidden nature. My original intentions were to kiss him, but, not knowing why, my actions grew. In the claustrophobic space we fought, and I was winning. Then, suddenly, his struggles ceased; instead, trembling fingers guided my hand across bare skin, from which I had, moments ago, torn away fabric.
  In the quiet night, we intertwined with each other in that narrow space like beasts; yet, no matter how we held each other, the only thing that we could grasp was anguish.
  When all had died down, he put on his clothes silently, opened the door and got off the car. When he was holding the keys that I'd thrown out earlier, I too had dressed.
  "Let me drive."
  Feeling for his battered body, I begged him. Yet he merely shook his head, "You're drunk."
  We returned the car back to its route as if nothing happened. If not for the brown bloodstains on the cushion, and paper napkins that were stained with bodily fluids in the dustbin, I would have thought that everything was a dream-- a beautifully sweet but bitter dream.
  "Hyde, things are over, so you need to get over them."
  I was once again dragged out of my memories; in my daze I saw that he was still smiling gently. I don't know what I feel about his self-control-- awe? Anger? Pity? Hate? I don't know. I only know that on the day of my marriage, when he appeared in front of me with his best wishes, all I'd wanted to do was to punch that smiling face with all my might and then embrace his slender body, to mourn for his fake strength. Yet in reality all I did was to treat him like Kenchan and Yukki-- punch his shoulder in a brotherly way. My tears became blood; from my heart it was drained.
  "Marriage" was really a dangerous step. If I'd done it correctly, I could get him to admit that he felt for me and to accept my feelings for him.
  Yet I was wrong in my calculations. I knew that he loved me, but he would never accept me.
  "Just pretend nothing's happened before?"
  "Yes! Just pretend that nothing's happened before."
  His gaze ahead was gentle yet firm.
  I laughed, "Nobody would believe me, right? If I said Tetchan is the cruellest in all of Laruku. And yet the truth is! Te-chan hides his cruelty under gentility."
  If one expects him to retaliate, one would be wrong. He maintained that gentle smile.
  "Hyde, you must remember that I wouldn't let anything damage Laruku's reputation. We can afford rumours, but we don't need gossip."
  On that route back home, I suddenly said that I didn't want to marry anymore, and his reply was the exact same thing. He hadn't been smiling at that time; he was unusually stern. Nobody has the courage to retaliate in that situation. Even if it's "Love", he wouldn't let it damage Laruku-- I discovered this with much sorrow. From the beginning till the end, what matters to him most is career. Next would be music. Feelings, the hightest this could rank would be number three.

 Translator's NG:
Hyde: Introducing... Tetchan's Oricon!
Tetchan: Number Three... Hyde!
Hyde: What the hell! Why am I number three?
Tetchan: The second's music... The first is L'Arc.
Hyde: What....! *shocked*
Tetchan: Let's put it this way... If you could choose to have sex with four (Sakura included) instead of one, which would you choose?
Hyde: ...... *dies from anger*

To Be Continued... on next update! (1 Mar 2003)
The continuation of this fiction is only available at SCAReCrØw.
SCAReCrØw 's special fiction is updated every month. Older fictions will be archived at Just A Jumble of Words. Both websites are subdivisions of main website xz0ne.

voidmatsumoto@yahoo.co.uk
http://xz0ne.cjb.net