Author’s Note: This is Hsiao Si’s birthday present… she better be happy, because I know she may not like the fact that I wrote this story in just over two hour. (Sounds like an oxymoron, but hey we all live in a world like this, don’t we?)
It was a café, where people drink and do nothing. They were playing the same old songs over and over again like a record shop selling one CD. The song they were playing was not metal Rock to the dismay of a group of drinking buddies sitting in a hidden corner in the café.
“It’s Jazz, I tell you, with my multitude of vocabulary and powerful sentence structures.”
These drinking buddies do not drink beer; they only drink iced coffee latte (did you hear, they sell two coffee latte for the price of one!). They looked very smug sitting on those cushion seats reserved for people with back problems. They had no back problems; they only wanted the best seats so that they can spill their coffee on it and come back tomorrow to find everything was all right.
“Jazz? It sounds like Soul without a singer in it. Very sad indeed.”
Every time they sat here, which was always Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday night, they talked of the same topic, which is music. Music was a very universal topic, covering many styles and many cultures, each possessing their own characteristics and features, but unified by one thing- the appreciation of mixed-up jumbled sounds that makes something actually sound symphonic. Paintings were not doodles in the same way. Of course, certain people prefer certain types of music to others, and the drinking buddies liked Rock more than anything else.
“I hate this. They should play Rock.” Suggested Alex, the one with a ‘multitude of vocabulary and powerful sentence structures.’ “By my multitude of vocabulary and powerful sentence structures,” he cried, “I will tell these unenlightened dorks what type of song they should play. Quick, hand me a suggestion form!”
“No need.” Bob stopped him with his upright left hand. He had a soul but no singer to sing it. Unlike the one opposite him, he was plump and drank lots of coffee. He watched over the cups on the table and picked up a cup, which was half-full, and finished some of it. Now there were three cups that were less than half-full, and two that were just over the half-mark. He cleared his caffeine breath before continuing, “There are some people who aren’t ready for the message of Rock, we should allow them to live in their bubble gum pop culture and allow them to remain what they are- idiots.”
Alex assented, and laid back at his easy chair. His small, brown and lanky frank was too big for the chair, and he looked like a child waiting for his lunch. “What’s taking that asshole so long?”
He was referring to Ed, who just came back after retrieving his iced coffee latte. Ed was not fat yet, but he was already living on too much coffee, as his jittery hands put his coffee in everlasting danger. Upon reaching the table, he stumbled, and some of the coffee spilt on the small round table. “Opps. The table was too tiny.”
“You and your stupid excuses.” Alex castigated him.
“The table is too tiny. See it’s round and so small, Bob could crush it with his thigh!”
“Hey is that an indirect comment on my weight?” Bob rushed to make his insecurity felt.
“Nope, it’s a comment on how tiny the table is.” Ed stated.
“Ok. Must be my overreacting allergy to something I keep hearing.”
“Not to mention it’s all your cups sitting on the goddamn table.”
“Yeah, so you want to take them out?”
Then there was silence. They looked at each other and said nothing. Nobody would do it, and so they let the matter rest. It is OK to have so many cups there. Somebody would clear them. Not them.
“You know there’s this rock band coming to town?” Ed broke the silence as he drank the iced coffee with both palms on the sides of the cup. “We might suddenly see them.”
“Yes,” Alex cried, “there is this band from Japan performing a few gigs here. They are on their Asian tour.”
“J-Pop is crap.” Bob interjected, “those singers try so hard to sing they have to go for hormone treatment.”
They laughed hard, so they did not notice someone came in.
This someone had jet-black shoulder-length hair, although if one peers properly with the aid of the scattered dispersed light from ambient light source, one can see the tinting of brown in them. He wore a black jacket, which was necessary apparel for the cold winds of the restless nights, but underneath it laid a white t-shirt that peered out of the holes of the jacket. To top it all off, he wore a black skirt to match the jacket, and he strutted into the café.
The café was not empty, save for a few customers and our drinking buddies, so there was not much company for the pretty lass to have fun with. However as our drinking buddies began to scrutinize this new visitor, they made a conclusion about him.
“There is one pretty girl yonder there,” Alex exclaimed, “and I do not need my glasses to prove it.”
Bob, who had just picked another cup, looked over Alex’s shoulder and said, “I second that.”
Ed did not need to speak. He just stood up and approached the newcomer.
“Hey man, I was wondering,” he stuttered and reached into his pants pocket to feel for his keys, “whether you are free tonight?”
The newcomer bat an eyelid, he did not believe what he was hearing. Confronted with a weird guy with sweat all over his brow, his lips jittering in profound motives and a hand wriggling in his own pants, he had to come up with an excuse. He did not need to think for long though, as he had a reason our Lady Truth would vouch for.
“I am waiting for a friend.” He excused himself while saying, “and I don’t think I would be free if he is around.”
Ed’s hand shot out of his pants like a rocket on fire and took the stranger’s hand. “You freaking boyfriend isn’t here yet, so I guess you could stick around with us?”
“Us?” the stranger cried out, and two men on easy chairs started to wave their hands.
“Yea, us.” Ed continued, “Bestest buddies in the whole wide world. We meet almost everyday and on Sunday mornings we go to the park.”
“Uh-huh.” The stranger replied in half-belief, but on further scrutinizing of the company found it quite possible. They looked like a mighty bunch of interesting guys, and the stranger began to contemplate whether he should play around with them for a while. Since he knew he was rather early anyway, he assented, and Ed took his hand all the way to their hidden section, where the three men began to ogle at their newfound mate.
“Hail,” said Alex, “we all are glad to meet you.” So he gave a small bow, which stunned the stranger.
“But first,” Bob interjected, “let us introduce ourselves.”
“Uh-huh.” the stranger exclaimed softly. His interest was about to soar.
“I’m Bob. He’s Alex (and Alex bowed). And the guy who brought you here is Ed. (And Ed managed a weak smile.)”
“I’m Tetchan.” He concluded, realizing that he had not introduced himself yet.
“We’re all students with a common love- Rock Music.” And Tetchan heard a hell yeah reverberate throughout the café.
“What a coincidence…” Tetchan remarked, “I’m a rock musician.”
The drinking buddies were stunned. Right in front of their very eyes, was a real-life rock musician standing right in front of them. It was as if all their dreams had been fulfilled, as they saw the notions of sex and Rock merged together. They want to know this dream better, inside out and from top to bottom.
“What is it like to be a rock musician?” Ed asked earnestly.
“Well, just busy, playing songs and traveling around. My band is on tour now, so it’s even busier, but now I am free.” Tetchan retorted as he had almost forgot his other appointment. However as he watched the café, his friend was nowhere in sight, and he gave a sigh of relief. Then he realized that the drinking buddies were edging closer and closer to them, and he was getting uncomfortable. He could find no viable excuse to rid himself off them, and he became unhappy that he made an acquaintance of them. Perhaps, there was a way to get rid of them, and when he thought of one he would use it.
“What role do you play in the band?” Alex continued to ask, and the concentration of carbon dioxide seemed to be inauspiciously high in one area. This terrified Tetchan, as he felt his personal space being intruded, his personal sovereignty being infringed. He needed a solution, and he needed one fast.
“I am a guitarist.” He answered in a flash.
“Oh darn!” Bob cried, “If you were the front man, we would have been your eternal fans.” He seemed to be caught up in irony, as he laid his hand on his thigh and started to stroke it, gently, yet Tetchan felt it as an uncomfortable as a feather on a cactus.
Even now, Ed was in a stupor, and he made his advances. Tetchan couldn’t take it anymore.
Yes, he couldn’t take it anymore.
He tried to desist, as he insisted on a civil solution to his discomfort.
He tried to resist, but this persisted to become a militaristic disaster.
Yes, he couldn’t take that anymore too.
Oh well, heck it anyway, he opted for the easy solution; he could take the side effects one by one anyway. So he threw a punch at the one called Bob, and he flew back to his easy chair, his misbehaving hand flying right into his face. It was just a punch anyway, no matter how uncivil it was. The café was thrown into silence, as everyone who did not get punched came to terms with what just happened.
“Opps.” Tetchan apologized, but no one was listening; they were trying to see what effect does such a strong right hook would have.
“Oh my god!” Alex exclaimed, “He’s turning all purple!” He turned to the perpetrator and saw him in bad light. Meanwhile, Ed took a step back and claimed he did not do anything. Bob still could no rise, and Alex’s hate transpired to fear, as he was also fearful of this Rockin’ lass.
Tetchan realized the effects of his actions, and took the opportunity to settle the boys on the prams. “Don’t come near me!” he asserted, “Long practices and stupid press conferences can make me very jittery.”
Alex stepped back, and the café manager got wind of this. He stepped closer to the phone. He knew a civil solution was still at hand. He shouted, “Hey what is going on over there?” and he said no more. He hoped that a civil resolution would be reached.
The remaining two drinking buddies took a step back. Their minutes of fun were over, now it was red alert, and they did not want the situation to be aggravated. Ed, for example, did not want to have a black eye, as he needed two to ensure it remains normal. This mentality was beneficial to Tetchan, who raised his fist slightly above his shoulder, as he breathed deeply and prayed silently for a peaceful solution.
However someone apparently was not for the resolution passed. Getting up on his knees, barely showing that purple graze over his left cheek, he smiled a grin that sent shivers down everyone’s spine. Now on his two feet, his belly in full view, he looked at Tetchan with such demonic eyes. “A woman that inflicts pain,” Bob laughed, “I like it.”
Tetchan did aggravate the situation, but at least he got rid of Ed and Alex, who went no further but to advise his friend to slow down. Studies have not shown what caffeine does to one’s sex drive, but it was as if Bob was in frenzy, like he was seeing a fantasy being fulfilled. He edged closer, his size 11 feet crushing the ground like a Godzilla looking for his long lost uncle. Bob was really getting too close to Tetchan, and like a bowling ball, was about to thrust at poor Tetchan and smash him like an innocent ant.
Tetchan was at a loss, but at least this time he was ruled out one solution. To a man inflicted with the insanity of lust, no civil solution would work, and the uncivil solution only added fire to the oil. The café manager just looked on; he too, was shocked of the new development. The masochist broke free of his two captors and was about to lunge at Tetchan, enveloping him in his arms.
It was at this moment that a hero would come and save us all. A man flew towards Bob from the left and punched him out of orbit. Bob crashed into a few chairs and fell on his side, hurting no one but himself. The man was blonde, taller than most of his peer, and wore a hat so big that covered both his eyes. He stood upright with a proud posture, and showed off the hand that dealt the blow.
“Ouch!” he cried, “that really hurts!”
“Hyde!” Tetchan exclaimed as he recognized his good friend, who he had been waiting for some time. He hid behind him, and was ready to leave this wretched place. Hyde was not finished yet though.
“Tetsu? What are you doing with this bunch of people?”
“It’s a long story… let’s get out of here first.”
“Wait. I have some things to settle first.”
Bob, upon hearing that, rose quickly and challenged the newcomer, “Hyde, eh? Come on, I bet you can’t throw that one on me again!” Ed and Alex, on realizing that the chance for reprisal had come, stood by their friend, and did a few karate poses to scare off the adversary.
“I’m not sure about that. It’s been a long time since I played Street fighter, I really don’t want to fight.” Hyde shook his head, trying to avert a new fight. The café manager’s hand was on the receiver and his index finger on the ‘9’ button.
Tetsu broke off from behind Hyde and returned the challenge to the drinking buddies, “I’m sick of these guys. I bet the both of us guys can beat this bunch of meat they call trash!”
Hyde still tried to stop the fight, but Alex suddenly took notice of what Tetsu had just said. “‘Both of us’? You mean you are a guy?”
Tetsu did not try to hide it and looked at the trio straight in the eye, “Yeah! It is your fault for not realizing that.” Tetsu put himself in ready position, ready to knock out the first one that approached them.
However nobody was interested in fighting anymore. Alex and Ed’s face was contorted in half-disgust and disbelief. They had been hoodwinked all this while, and they felt they had been fools all this while. As for Bob, he was nowhere to be found. As for the almost-daily routine of drinking coffee at night, it was over, at least for Bob that is.
As nobody was stopping them, Tetsu prepared to leave, but Hyde stopped him.
“What?” Tetsu snapped back, “You still got something to say for them?”
Hyde said nothing yet but rushed back into the store. When he returned, he said delightfully, “I just wanted to get us a drink.” And he passed him a cup of ice-cold coffee latte. “Here, one for me and one for you.” Hyde then returned to the cup and started to sip the drink. Tetsu saw this in disbelief, but he drank the coffee anyway, and with the cooling effects of the drink, forgot the evening’s events. He snapped out of his poor mood and they continued their journey into the night…
Meanwhile, as the café storeowner closed the tap of his coffee mixer for one last time, he said to himself in consolation, “Just another day at work.”
Just another day at work?
Even more notes: Okay so I lied, I took about four hours
to do this. Happy birthday Hsiao Si.