Changes

Song by Black Sabbath

Story by Hidoko

Thursday, December 11, 199711:27:27 PM

I feel unhappy

I feel so sad

I’ve lost the best friend I’ve ever had

She was my woman

I love her so

But it’s too late now

I’ve let her go

It has been years. I look at the fading sunset, and remember the times we shared. How sweet was his smile…

But it is too late now. Everything’s too late now. I feel a stab of pain, and I chew my lower lip to bring myself back, to overcome the emotional pain with this pysical pain. Pysical pain is easier to understand than emotional pain, even to me, after all the pains that I went through.

He was my best friend and my lover, though I would have never admitted for my life. Everything about him was so charming… How he had slipped past my guard and stolen away my heart, I do not know, and now I do not blame him.

I have let him go, and it is my fault. How he had been calling out, I don’t know how, reached into my mind with his cry. I had walked away, and now he is gone.

Never enough of blame I’ve laden myself with.

I’m goin’ through changes

We’ve shared the years

We’ve shared each day

In love together we found the way

The changes that goes through me are neverending. How can I not die with him? We are one and never apart.

A part of me died when he did.

The years and days we shared huant me like his ghost.

But nothing is forever.

My memories, the only things I have left of him, are fading slowly. Soon I will have nothing, and soon I will not bask in pain.

We spent so many days together… So many special times… Tears never stop welling in my heart as I try not to recall them, as if they will fade faster when I do recall them.

Perhaps, yes.

The memories come flooding back, and I am unable to stop.

There was a time when we went ice-skating. I could not balance and almost landed on my butt, but he was teaching me and immediately got in the way between me and the ground. I landed on him, and he landed on the ice. It was cold, I remember. I could not stand extreme cold, mainly because I was a fire demon and extreme cold made me lose too much heat and I would "Dehydrate" like humans do under hot temperatures. When I got off him, he did not blame me. Instead, he asked me how I was and smiled so sweetly that I had to keep from falling down again.

Then there was a time when we went on our first date. We went out for a dinner at some three star restaurant. Then we went on the streets and walked in the half empty streets. They were beautiful, and they gave me some sort of feelings that I couldn’t quite fathom. We went to a karaoke pub and he sang. I sat by a side, trying not to be enchanted by his smile, his laughter, his voice… Then he pulled me in and made me sing. It was some melody, a beautiful one too.

I’ll never forget the melody, and I hum it now, in conjunction with the memory.

We started dating regularly, and soon Yusuke and the others teased me and Kurama about it before finally letting the truth sink into their thick heads. It was then I realised that ningen people date when they have a relationship. It was also then that I started wondering what I felt about him.

On his birthday I went to his party. Yusuke and the others had gone drunk in his home and he dragged me out of the house to get away from it all. Little did he know that he would get away… forever.

But soon the world had its evil way

My heart was blinded

Love went astray

It was partly my fault.

We went into some isolated street and he told me that those three words. They scared me, and they revived some of the feelings that I felt in my heart. I knew I could not get captured by someone who allowed himself to be attached to this world and all its weaklings. It would make me weaker.

I ran blindly, away from him. Anywhere that my feet would carry me. Anywhere from him, despite his cries, sounding in the air and in my mind.

I stopped, exausted, and tried to block out his mental cries. I did not turn back until it was too late, until it stopped, and when I finally reached there he was gone. In my Jyagan, though closed, I saw him get clubbed and carried away to some unknown place by big burly Ningen men. He had let himself be so attached to Ningenkai, and risked his life to protect it, but what did he get in return? Nothing but a club in the head and the more to come.

Soon his father received a ransom note. But he acted as if that was none of his business. The kidnappers got desperate and mailed Kurama’s family his forefinger and lock of hair. I was both furious and confused. How DARE they hurt Kurama! I did not know what to do, as Kurama’s mother cried out in despair and begged her husband to hand the ransom money over.

I even went to his house and begged him.

But to the man, money was worth more than a life, and his beloved. Kurama should not have let him be a part of his life, for Kurama gave this man so much and he was not willing to give anything in return.

The kidnappers, as I watched, used knives. Bread knife, butcher knife, fruit knife, you name it. They cut him, hurt his face, and his echoes sound again and again, more and more distant each time. And they had to take away what should have been mine.

Even with that, they were not satisfied and took away something that was even more precious than that.

His life.

They had thrown him into the sea, and once I saw it with my Jyagan I rushed over.

Too late. I held him in my arms, and his features, so beautiful and fine, were arched in pain. "Sorry…" was all I said. He was not able to hear more, hear what I had always wanted to tell him most.

"Sayonara…" Barely a whisper.

He smiled, so forgivingly, so beautifully that it hurt me just to look. Eyes that were once full of life slid closed, and his features were locked in that smile.

But I said it anyway, as tears rolled down freely, turning into gems.

"I love you."

I screamed, I shouted, holding his body in my arms, empty, drained of blood, life, and soul.

I’m goin’ through changes

I found those bastards and killed them. They should have gone through something worse, they spawned such a wonderful and important thing. Before they died I cut them into pieces, and sat and watched as they died of blood loss.

But it did not ease any of my pain and anger.

It did take me some getting used to, being alone.

I miss his tinkling smile, his twinkling eyes, like the stars, that could not be seen in the city. The stars that could be seen somewhere else, seemingly near but far.

It’s took so long to realise

And I can still hear her last goodbye

Now all my days are filled with tears

Wished I could go back and change these years

I’m goin’ through changes

It took me so long to realise that I could not live without him, and when I did he was gone.

"Sayonara…" The words ring in my heart, and my heart wells in tears, I squeeze my eyes shut to stop tears from flowing.

His youko form did not survive, because they have became one in mind, body, and soul, and I’ll wait for him to reincarnate.

It was the least that I can do. I cannot go back in time.

I miss him.

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Hidoko

December 12, 19971:04:13 AM

Ahh… I like this story.

Good morning, and good sleep…

Yawn.

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