Hidoko

Wednesday, December 03, 1997

I watch as Kurama spread the mat out, and sit down on it. He had a happy smile on his face, as he gestures for me to sit down. I do as he says, watching as he takes out our lunch from the basket. He spreads it out on the mat, and I sit crossed legged, enjoying the breeze across my face. "Have some rice, Hiei." He said, fetching something which I recognize as Ningen food. It was a lump of rice, and I took it, trying to maintain a brick face. I took a small bite, and he asks, "How is it?"

I shrugged. It was great, actually, but I know that he made it himself and I absolutely do not want him to think that I appreciate him that much. Or his things, for that matter.

He nods, still smiling. "Hmm…"

I shiver as he continues to stare at me, with a strange light in his emeralds.

"Eat, eat. You’re going to need strength later or you’ll let down your defenses."

"You’ve been hoping that I’d do it, ne?" I half-mock. He simply smiles; it is one of those mischievous smiles that I see before I try to gather my strength to push him away.

I continue to help myself, as he watches, and I finally filled my stomach. He had not eaten much when I was eating, and I honestly do not care. "You’d need to eat lots of it to overcome me."

He doesn’t reply, instead, he asks, "The food must be good?"

I shake my head. "I just need the energy."

He muses to himself, while I downed a glass of grape juice. He spreads out, onto his elbows, and looks up at the sky, blue as forget-me-nots.

Finally, he turns, and I wonder what he was going to do, or say. I wish that he would kiss me, to hold me near to him so that we can both breathe as one. But I usually spoil it; for after a small while I would have a lingering fear, and it did not leave till time—hours—passes by.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Don’t tell me that you put drugs in my lunch so that I’ll be vulnerable to your sadistic tortures."

"Hey, I’m not sadistic, and kisses aren’t tortures." He paused, and continued, "Seriously now."

Kisses are tortures, I think, as memories raced in my mind.

"You betrayed me!!" my stepfather growled, and I whimpered a little.

"But… But…"

"How dare you be late for this mission?! I needed your help! And you weren’t even there! We agreed on the time, and you come only when victory falls at my feet."

I knew that he could do very well without me; those whom he defeated were lousy C or D-class youkais. But I did not say anything; I did not dare to say anything. I thought, If only I was stronger…!

He picked me up by the collar, and threw me to the ground so hard that my teeth almost rattled. Help…!

He advanced closer, and knelt down. "How could you not be there when I needed you most?"

He pressed a hand on my shoulder, and sharp searing pain that tore came and registered in my mind. I stifle a cry, and it moved down to my ribs, and in an instant pain shot up. I bit my lip, and tasted blood.

I hoped there would be no more, but there was. The pain that came next was worse than any that I could comprehend.

His hands moved restlessly on my body, this time not intended to break my bones, more of caresses. I flinched, and he continued to stroke, ripping off my shirt. I know that the worst had not come yet. He traced his fingers around my body, accompanied with some kisses, scratching me in the process, and toyed with my nipple for a while, and started to lick it, causing it to be erect, before biting on it, causing it to bleed. I dug my fingers into my stepfather’s face, and he struck me in the face, almost taking off my head.

I tasted blood, and cursed bitterly in my mind. He then kissed the part where he slapped, licking it, and then to my mouth. He did not stick his tongue into my mouth as he did in the first time; I now know that all struggles I make will be futile.

He kissed me, nipping my lip occasionally. There was no way he could kiss without biting. I nipped back, knowing that he liked it and hoped that he would cause me less pain. He rose a little, a weird gleam of mad light in his eyes, grining madly, probably starting to think that I was a a willing partner. I smiled tensely, and he seemed sort of satisfied.

He motioned for me to help him take off his shirt, and I obeyed. "I know that you are afraid of me, my toy…"

Toy?! Perhaps he did not want to think as his child… He laughed. "Do you think that I will want you as my child?" He guided my hand to undo his belt, and I stared at the side, nothing entering my vision for the moment. Perhaps that was the reason why he did not give me a name…

"Afterall, you are only the cursed child." He laughed, horrible laughter tearing through the air.

"Shoku…!!" I screamed, trying to strike him away. He puts his hand in the way, pleasure in his eyes.

He struck me in the face, and I once again taste blood. "Baka…"

"Hn!" He sneered, striking at me again, and grinning at my pain ridden features. "You brought this upon yourself, cursed child."

I stared upward as he tore off my pants, and kissed me, while I felt the torture riding through my whole body, even when what he kissed was a damn small part. Finally, he took off his pants, too, and pressed forward, and my vision blurred, fingers digging deep into the ground, and I screamed aloud, mostly because I didn’t understand the torture and the damn pain that I was ghoing through. A tear rolled down my cheek, and it froze into a gem. Shoku would probably take it away and sell it. I hated Shoku, and I swore that I would avenge.

I was late because of meeting the silver fox of my dreams, but I never blamed him, not even when damn Shoku did it all a few times more, for the memory—simply that, kept me from slipping into the death when I finally passed out.

"Hello? Anybody in?" He teases, and I smirk, trying to hide the discomfort.

"Just thinking about how to resist you."

He laughed, the tinkles sounding again, and I roll my eyes.

"So, practise them on someone else, not me.
I roll my eyes again and he crawled towards me, pins me down to the ground. I curse at the position I am in and I look away. Or at least, try to. But I could not look away as I am forced into looking into his misty green eyes. He kisses me, and I almost stopped breathing. But all that I feel is weariness—and fondness.

I have not felt that way before, I realise, for Shoku. I hated him.

I pause to wonder for a little while, while Kurama works on my lips. No biting, and to my surprise, though he has kissed me times before, that I actually enjoy it. Is it because of what the Ningen people call hormones?

I had never felt this way before, while I was kissed by Shoku.Kurama stops, and asks me what’s wrong.

"What is kissing?"

He giggles again, and says, "You want me to demonstrate or just tell you?"

"Tell me."

"It is showing the person whom you love that you love him."

Him?! He’s… in love with a guy… me… I hope.

"Isn’t it some kind of torture?"

"Only if that person doesn’t love you."

"Do you love me?" I whisper.

He laughs again, and I think I know the answer.

I pull him down, and continue.

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