Notes: Thank u IceMyLife for givinng me this file… "Endless Rain"… So sweet.. T-T I wish there are more songs in music box version! I love it so much!! >_<…. I miss you…. (not IceMyLife, someone else! ^^;)… And X Japan, FOREVER!!

Warnings: Yaoi.

Type: Not decided: can be Gundam, can be Yu Yu Haku…

~Hidoko, Friday 6 Nov 1998
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The music box opens to its sweet melody. The beautiful warm, sad rhythms sound to my heart, and I close my eyes, listening… Hugging my shattered heart, sitting in a corner in the darkness of tears and past…

… Until I can forget your love.

Endless hopes and shattered dreams have soaked my heart up to the darkest depths of the tears, and I only see the endless rain falling on my heart, onto this wounded heart.

I do not dare to tell anyone of my love for you. I keep it to myself…

***

I open my eyes, and find myself in the all too real reality. I stare into your beautiful eyes, a dark pair of unseen depths, shining, all too brightly… With the hearth of fire burning deep inside, like a pair of amber rubies, burning, making their presence, their worth known. Your eyes, so charming… Once again, I have gotten my foot in and am finding it hard to get out.

I turn, the lump in my throat, choking… My eyes fall far from your gaze, your piercing gaze…

Still as beautiful as ever.

I find a tear dropping down, unrealistically, as if in a dream… Because you are here.

"I missed you," I stammer, "Cause you're my best friend…"

Lie. I lied. Your red eyes still pierce my heart, making me feel worse… I love you, and it is the truth, but… I can never find the courage to admit it. Not to you, not to anyone… It is kept only at the bottom of my heart, kept so far below for no one to ever discover…

Because, my seed of love for you is impossible to be cultivated and blossom into the red roses.

You will never love me back, never… Because you are the perfect fighter, the perfect soldier… Not to be distracted. Even if death is no longer by your side. Even if you are safe, you are still tense, under that false pretense, under that mask in an attempt to protect yourself. And, not even I, I cannot break your mask.

"Thank you." You turn, so that your eyes no longer capture mine, and place your hand on your lap.

The snow outside makes its way to the ground, to leave their trace and then, to be gone in Spring. I try to find something to say.

No avail.

You get up, and begin to leave. Those beautiful eyes, once again, turning to look at me, leaving a mark in my tearful heart, and begin to talk painful steps away.

"Wait," I finally say, "Tommorrow's Christmas, will you be here?"

You look back, stopping. "Do you want me to come?"

"If… You can…" My hands reach towards my back, and my fingers grasp their way on a familiar wrapped box.

***

The snow is beautiful. Everywhere is white. The Christmas tree is beautifully decorated, shining, with hope and a hint of expectation of despair. The fireplace warms the place, and, staring into it's heart, I am reminded of your eyes, once again, burning, so brightly…

The knock on the door sounds, and, anxiously, I rush to open the door.

Ready to greet the distant crimson-eyed. Happily, I see you, and greet you. You give me a bunch of coal, and I smile. I never thought you cared about the human customs afterall.

"Come in, and get your box of chocolate…" I gesture your way, and you follow it in.

I close the door, and retrieve the box of chocolates. But that is not your real present, I have something more special in hand. I have decided…

You take the chocolates, with a grim smile, nothing more. "Thank you."

I smile, hiding my eagerness and nervousness. "I… I have something more special to give you."

"Un?" The rubies still burn as brightly as ever.

"…" I take the carefully wrapped box, and hand it to you. "Here you go…"

You take it. I ask you to unwrap it, hoping… Christmas must have gotten to me. You unwrap it, and surprise show itself on your face as you see, in your hands lie a white box. You open it, glancing at me once, as if undecided…

I regret.

You open it, and see the crystalline figures lying inside, rotating, with the beautiful music playing to its movement. You remain expressionless. My heartbeats stop.

"Thank you…"

***

It was a forbidden night, I spent in memories, in love, in faith, in trust. And, I told you, while we lay there, watching the snow outside, so white and so beautiful.

The next moment, I find you gone, from me. And beside the music box I gave you lies a piece of paper.

"I do too".

***

The melody ends its life, in tears, in hope. But, I see none, not with you…

Gone, from the face of the earth. A perfect soldier cannot have any emotions, distractions…

Death is always by your side.

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Notes: I really love the "Endless Rain (Music Box)"… So sweet, so sad…

And, I cant live without your beauty, "my special person"… though you will never know. I love you, even though I can't see you. >_< Waaaa…..

6 Nov, Friday, 1998

~Hidoko.

"Decided, this is Yu Yu Hakusho, With Kurama and Hiei. Thanks for reading."

http://xz0ne.cjb.net
voidmatsumoto@yahoo.co.uk