Promise.

Past the doorway of a warm season
Lies cold and unfeeling whiteness.
A beautiful glow awaits 
As I step into the infinite purity...

A dreamlike trance overtook me as I stared up into the sky.

The color of Blue, 
Is the color of Illusion.
There the clouds float past
Like the dreams of promises lay within

I look back to find the doorway sealed and cold.

Breathing an unfeeling feathery breath,
I trudge forward. 
As if something lies in wait for me
And only me to discover.

A promised land, never to be waken.

I find myself enclosed 
In a white nightmare.
The neverending coldness 
Draws my blood out of me.

An ice barrier lies between me and the land of roses.

I shout and cry,
The feeling of solitude overwhelming me.
I see beautiful people past the ice barrier,
Beautiful people who wait in anticipation for me.

I feel an urge to break through the ice.

I try and try, 
Till my strength is gone.
With hot tears I pray,
For night and for day...

I want to get into the promised land.

A voice answers me.
A voice kindly bestowed unto me.
"Will you go, if no promise is made?"
"Will you believe, if all is not as it seems?"

I nodded a nod of faith.

The ice breaks.
Only to my horror.
The roses fade into endless strawberry fields,
Where the demons stroll along.

"Is this the land I've been wanting to go to?"

I close my eyes, 
A feeling of fear overtook me.
Not as much as I felt my dreams falling,
And crumpling as they crash into the hard ground.

I am a falling feather in place of falling hope.

I open my eyes, 
Hoping that it is all a dream.
I want to find the land I so yearned for.
I want to find the land which I so believed in.

I should never have believed.

Reality takes the dreams away. 
I walk into the land of ugliness.
There, they smile a malicous smile at me,
And I knew I was welcome.

Afterall, I am one of them.

I find myself transforming.
If I accept them, I will be like them.
If I am like them, I will be happy.
I will be ignorant, selfish, yet content.

My final choice.

I turn, and look past the doorway again.
There it lies, cold and undisturbed.
There is no way for me to go back.
I turn back, and see the ugly strawberry fields.

I awake from the dream, and take a closer look.

I am already like them
Even if I am not in the dream.
I see through people's hearts, 
How distant and apart they are.

I smile to myself.

I had choices.
I wanted to see the beautiful side of them, 
But I was only disappointed.
Yet I was one of them.

Pain fill my heart, through the flooding acceptance.

With a thorn of a Red Rose,
I stab my heart.
There it bled and died,
And I live no more.

I am just a walking corpse.

I can feel nothing.
No pain, as my heart is dead.
I am living on without hinderences.
Then, why am I so empty?

"Would pain be better, or void?"

I ask myself. 
There is no going back.
I would choose pain, yet pain
Takes me back to those endless nightmares.

I look down towards an inner self.

The endless possibilities outweigh each other.
I am what I am now.
An unfeeling corpse, hollow yet
Unharmed by the thorns of pain.

The thorns of hope and love.

With resignation I give up the struggle
To resurrect my heart.
I wanted it to be alive again.
Through my endeavours, I saw...

A beautiful fire angel from far away.

Too far to be reached.
I do not dare hope, in suspicion of
The rose gardens and the strawberry fields.
The beautiful people and the ugly demons.

Pain fades away, as I yearn for the angel.

Yet I am stranded.
I want to grow wings and soar.
Yet I am trapped, 
In this endless hell with the demons.........

I am a fallen feather in place of fallen love.

~xz0ner

http://xz0ne.cjb.net
voidmatsumoto@yahoo.co.uk