The Bomb
I'm sorry you never check
the bag in my head for a bomb
--"TARGET AUDIENCE (NARCISSUS NARCOSIS)", Marilyn Manson
Fantasy was what kept me going when I was younger. It was a bomb that lay in my head, melted into my being, that made my entire self a landmine waiting to explode. Each day before I slept this bomb was just waiting to burst and destroy the stupid beliefs in the world with my fantasies.
Fantasy is the most powerful thing, and fantasizing is the most powerful action. It whisks one from realm to realm. Destroys one's mindset and creates a new one. Puts one into an Utopian chick's shoes, even though it never exactly fits as there's this pesky thing called Reality.
Because of this powerful tool, I have been to Alaska, I have ridden the waves of the Pacific, I have been a Greek God, I have been Cindy Crawford, I have killed myself a dozen times, and I had a dozen romances that all ended happily because this tool wrote my life-story and ended it at the perfect moment.
I've grown out of that. To some extent, I've become less powerful, and the sleeping bomb inside of me went into a coma.
But I still have one fantasy, after all.
My fantasy is to write. I'll form a cult of my own, shock comfortable people out of their minds, and create an entirely new psychological realm for them to settle their brains in.
When I do, they wouldn't be able to resist it. Nothing beats the blue, glittering contours of the Alaskan landscape, the shimmering waves of the Pacific, the intoxicating power of Zeus, the snobbish joy of being one of the most desired humans on earth, the ultimate relief from this cage of existence… And of course, the fact that happiness was frozen into a crystal that was forever untouched by time.
And it will be then that the bomb explodes. The dull grey bricks of reality will then shatter, disintegrate into speckles of primary red that whizz in clusters of thousands… Among the souls' purest form of energy, I will mould the mind. With fantasy.
And it will be then that enlightenment begins.
Thursday, 13 June 2002 3:18:33 AM
voidmatsumoto@yahoo.co.uk
http://xz0ne.cjb.net