It has been some time since I have last fallen in love.

Falling in love is a bad thing; it tears you up from the inside and slowly but surely, you begin to rot. The stink fills up your soul and it eats at you from the inside. It's like cancer. Something as obscene and as insidious.

What makes it even viler is that it is not within your control. You try to lock your heart inside a dark black box and hope no one discovers it, but then all that person has to do is smile beautifully, have some light twinkling in the pupils of his eyes, look downright beautiful—and create something that you could fall in love with—presto, your heart is stolen, by some idiot who doesn't even know he has it. And then, with a word, an action, he breaks it, and your heart lies in some dark corner waiting to rot.

The thing about hearts is that they never really recover once they rot. Rotting is an irreversible chemical reaction. You try and try, but the decay sets straight in once your heart is in some vulnerable corner of you. It's then that sometimes, you could wither up and die, but other times you could easily ignore it, forget it, lock it at the back of the storeroom and go ahead with your life.

Have you ever fallen in love because someone is so beautiful that he resembles an angel?

Have you ever fallen in love because someone created the most beautiful music that has ever existed?

Have you ever fallen in love, even when you think you can't possibly do so any more?

All this person has to do is enter your life, one way or another, and he doesn't even have to know you. You don't even have to know him either. He could just pop in front of your eyes, play some music in your ear, smile a little, linger a little, and suddenly your world swirls and your heart is gone, poof, just like this. It's probably in one of the pockets of the baggy bermudas that he's wearing.

Some people will say that it's hopeless; you can't fall in love with someone whom you do not, and cannot, know! But you cry each night because of him, and you feel so lonely when you stare at the night sky, thinking, "I wonder if we will ever meet in the next life?" And you cry some more, but it hurts too much, defies logic too much for you to be able to convey the feeling. Plus, the audience will laugh at you for being stupid.

It has been some time since I have last fallen in love, it is true. And then this guy enters into my life, he steals a bit of my breath every day, his fingers dance around the four-stringed instrument, his lips part to sing the part for the backing vocals, and then I find myself falling in love with the music, and falling in love with him because he played the goddamned instrument and sang the goddamned tune.

My heart isn't mine anymore, and what happiness I have is meagre and illusionary compared to the solitude that I have to endure everyday. I wish I hadn't fallen in love.
 

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