title: birthday eve
genre: poem, angst
archive: yes
mirror: Yes, if applicable
author: hidokomatsumoto
comments: yay.. ..anyone got some candles? Im gonna drip wax to remind im still alive. yes im depressed like mad, iprolly deserve it. I dont deserve to live anyway yatta yatta.. .. great. so can I now go and dissect myself? yay. 

You cry the tears of crystal 
And as the clock strikes twelve,
the blood is spilt
Instead of the joyful glee you are supposed to feel,
why are you so downcast?

Those lonely eyes of yours
Shine on their own accord
You can't stop the tears even if they belong to you
Because your heart is not in control

Even though it's a day of joy
You wonder if your existance
Is meant as a curse for you?
Would you know, if you died right now?
You never allowed the blood to drown you...

You look up to the sky
There is a beautiful painting,
the sight of the full moon,
sprinkling its silvery dust
onto the clouds through the canopy.

What a beautiful birthday present.
Yet you gaze down
and find the pathetic wishes meaningless.

Last birthday, you found a love which you ended up having to kill.
And you look down at your bloodstained hands to find that 
The wheels of time have repeated itself.

So, is this your birthday present? The reason to live.. .

If God is kind, then what is the devil?
If God is kind, would he allow this to happen?
You question many unanswered questions,
unanswered since the beginning of time.

You understand, 
That you cannot see through the fog of the night.
But, when will morning come?
Will you live to see the morning?
You only can hope so, because it is the reason you are living.
You want to die, deep inside.

Surely,
Death can be the only one who is
Embracing you with a beautiful smile and open arms...

Ah, just you wait.
You will see it soon. Even if you can't see the morning sun,
You will find Death someday. Just wait.
Even if your birthday present has dyed your hands red.
You will find nirvana someday. Just hold on.
Even if that loved one cannot understand you at all.
You will find.... ...........

you will. ............

surely.. ................ ...........

~hidoko matsumoto. ..yay.. .happy birthday to me. ..


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voidmatsumoto@yahoo.co.uk