Mr Hyde and Dr Tetsu
Friday, February 08, 2002 12:22:57 AM(+9:00GMT)
Matsumoto hidoko
for tetsu
When I first awoke from my slumber, possibly, to my existence, I felt the most beautiful being coexisting beside me. I felt its feathery light presence, and I felt its gentle warmth that could have permeated through the darkest being like a sun.
This being was none other than my creator, Dr Tetsu.
As we were the same in person, I knew without having to experience the past that Dr Tetsu had lived through, and I felt exhilarated at being able to bring about demise to such a lovely person. Here was a consciousness that existed within such a person, in the same body as mine! When the potion first brought me forth into consciousness, I slipped through the night with ease, and found such a life endearing. What could compete with the darkness, than darkness itself? It was only darkness and darkness alone that defined being and actuality, as darkness was the only vague thing, without its definition.
I felt my creator's excitement as I slid through the streets, and for the first time, with natural instinct, I began to scrape my claws of malignity against the strong sense of morality that I felt lurking in his heart. For the first time, when I brought the soles of my—as Mr Hyde—boots onto an old pathetic helpless man, I felt the ooze of warm blood within my mind as his heart tore.
I had not known what methods that he'd brought me about by, but I felt the glee in existence, and I loved him for that. How would one love the God? But to love a God, there had to be a devil and a mortal. This philosophy I embraced with much pathos, and this feeling—the feeling that I was bringing degradation to a god—made the love even more passionate.
Yet this conscious state didn't last for very long. I was pushed back, away from reality, into a dream. Thus, for the first time, as I dwelled in the subconscious realms of the Dr Tetsu, I felt his tears, and I felt his remorse. It made me smile, and the fact that I enjoyed his guilt made him yet more pitiful, and the compassion that I had for him was less predominant than the sadism that made me laugh in glee. And yet through his sorrow I knew one thing: he loved me as much as I loved him—it was sick to him and repulsed him, but he loved me nonetheless.
How could I have described the love for disease and decay? Perhaps I could only say that there had always been an anthropological loath for discomfort, one that I didn't feel but somehow could comprehend. Yet living—as I clicked the heels of my boots against the concrete ground—was such a torture! It was such a torture that it was wonderful. Happiness, what was it? I didn't understand bliss, and bliss was such a rare commodity to me that it seemed more logical to indulge in pain.
A potion will make you numb; it'll take you away from the pain of living, the pain of conforming to a set of principles! A potion will make you the person that you've always wished, only in your wildest dreams, you were—Mr Hyde!
This I whispered to his mind, and this he comprehended with furrowed brows and a horrified heart. Yet he was anticipating it, albeit with dread, the day when I could finally degrade him more and bring him down from the level of Godliness to Mortality.A creator should be a God?
This mentality I could not comprehend, although I looked up to my creator. I laughed when I beheld his guilt when he visited the girl whom I'd beaten up. The girl. A girl. A random girl, whose body was no more than six-years-old. I had just chosen one with an angelic face and a defenseless body, and I would choose another, randomly, in another occasion. And during another occasion, I laughed some more.
I laughed when he felt that he had betrayed morality. I laughed when I took over his body—the body of Dr Tetsu—vulgarly, in front of him, while he still had feeling from the nervous system, and adulterated him like a whore.
I laughed when he regained consciousness and cried and attempted to commit suicide after that incident.
I laughed as he buried his face in his hands and sobbed. He sobbed more while I laughed, and in such a vulnerable way that it made me laugh even harder.
This
was my creator!Why was he such a person? A weakling! This was my creator?
He? My God? Perhaps I, being the devil, had already snatched the throne.
Perhaps it was only during times when the body that we cohabited had to rest that I actually confronted him. I could call it a dream, perhaps for me, and a nightmare for him. I could call it a euphoric dream. I had taunted him; I had exploited his greatest fears; I had destroyed everything he had believed in.
And once he woke, he would bury his face in his hands, as he always did, and sob. And at the back of this mind I would sit back and laugh.
I loved him more and more. I loved him the way a master would love a pet. Perhaps I would have considered him loathsome, but I couldn't. I hated everything but him. And I loved everything the way I loved him. Perhaps he felt the way he did—despaired—because all reason for his existence, all reasons that he had established in society had been demolished in a most cruel manner. And I had not done so only in a way that affected others—I had raped him. I had fucked him and made him feel like he was an animal, and I did so a number of times. I would have told someone else of the way he cried and the way he felt when he reached climax, to increase his repulsion, if I had anyone to tell, but I had not as no one would listen. Perhaps I loved him because I knew that he would continue to seek, desperately, the correct scientific potion that could control me without annihilating me.
Perhaps, I loved him for his fear. His fear that I would dominate him one day, the day that I destroyed him completely.
This I understood when I knew that he wrote the letter to Ken in an imploration to kill me. To kill us.
But, you know what, Tetsu? You have lost to me. You could never kill me—not me—not even in your wildest dreams. You would rather kill yourself than kill anyone else. Therefore, when I knew I had driven you, as a conscious being, insane, I also knew that I had won.
finished Friday, February 08, 2002 1:26:54 AM