by hidoko matsumoto (v0id)
comments please email.

Warning: Yaoi/ Boys' love
Pairing: Hyde c/w Tetsu ^^
Original chinese story here

The deepness of the night was dawning, it was a silent sky; a dark chasm with few stars glimmering in it. Twinkling, as if they were joking with him.

How beautiful.

Without apprehension, this starry sky slowly disappeared in the city's noises, and what faced him were unfamilliar crowds. Standing there, unmoving, in the passing crowds, he, too, slowly lost his own existence as a person.

Ah, silence for a while.

Then, tears fell down drop by drop. "I, I.... I didn't mean it to be this way!"

No, he was a guy, he shouldn't cry, no matter how painful it felt, he shouldn't let it surface. But, even if he had shown his uttermost feelings, would there be anyone to care? He had lost that distant night sky, lost those beautiful eyes, all because of the momentary impulse. 'Yes, it's my fault. This feeling isn't supposed to have existed anyway."

'Are we... Still friends?"

'I didn't mean to spoil this friendship! But I don't have to apologise. Anyway, anyway if he can kiss me just because he thinks I am cute, I can do the same!' By thinking this way, he would have felt better. He did not want to remember the love which he had felt in that flash of memory, anyway, anyway... Anyway Tetsu was wrong too! He had let him thought that he loved him, and because of that, his feelings towards Tetsu grew little by little, and seemed to have been roused from the alcohol.

'Yeah, shouldn't have went with him,' He decided not to think about that phrase which he had said just now. Yes, it was all the alcohol's fault! The next day, all he had to say was, "Ah, I didn't know that happened! Aaa, really? It happened? Impossible, Tet-chan. You probably drank too much!"

But, even in his sleep, this memory continued to persue him, like a cold-blooded hunter who wouldn't give up until he was broken thoroughly. He saw Tetsu's shadow. He saw Tetsu's flustered eyes. There was a bit of horror in the confusion. It was an endles, horrible nightmare. In the dream, he had become a bird, which had been bloody because of reality's torture, a bird without its wings. And beloved Tetsu was slowly disappearing from his sight.

He had waken from the nightmare again; it had been a few nights in a row. Tetsu had said, "Since the recording is finished, let's all take a break and rest for a while..... .."

It was Ken who had told him. Ever since that celebration party, Tetsu hadn't talked to him.

"Most probably because there's nothing to say," A helpless, bitter smile floated on his face, followed by a vast endless pain. "Tetsu, I hate you most!"

Unhappily he looked out of the window at the scenery. He couldn't stay at home any longer, couldn't be like that, and revel in sadness! 'Hating Tetsu' has already become a part of his heart; it had been because of the pain.

Somewhere outside in the park, there were many many doves flying about.

'I want to fly, fly towards the endless sky! I want to touch the blue illusion...!'

Without Tetsu love, there was no meaning. When his dream had been shattered, he was like a bird tied to the ground.

When he returned home, he listened to the different messages in the answering machine. There was Yuki's and Ken's, and those from other different people. But there was none from Tetsu. His fingers slowly crept towards the phone, and dialed Tetsu's number.

"Hello?" Tetsu's voice sounded troubled. He slowly put the phone down, and tears seemed to have found its way down. He dialed the number again, and once more it was Tetsu's voice. Nothing was expressed in words; nothing came to his lips, and from the other side of the line he heard, "Hello? Hello? ......I'm gonna put down!"

"........Matte." Stammering words seemed to flow from his inner heart. He did not know when was the time that his heart knew what to make him say.

"... ... Hide--"

"Sorry to bother you."

"Hideto, I..... ."

"Tet-chan, I love you." He put down immediately. The tearstained him fell onto the ground... ... When he was alone, he realized that he could do what he wanted to. Anything he wanted to. He picked up a knife. "Tetsu, Tetsu.... This is the first time I understand what is real love, I've never felt anything so deep before..."

Red was the color of blood.

Finally, he realized that he actually had wings. Spreading those wings, he let himself fly, towards the endless sky.

***

The solitary moon hung in the night sky, seeming very lonely.

Tetsu hesitated for quite some time, and finally gathered enough courage to press the doorbell. He waited for the door to open, waited for that beautifully chiselled face to appear in front of him, to banish his troubles. He waited for the right moment to express his heartfelt thoughts, to say that he was sorry, that he had been so stupid as to fear and doubt his own heart.

And yet no one opened the door.

He became worried, and knocked on the door. Maybe Hyde was still angry with him. Aa! The door was unlocked! He thought, 'this baka is so careless!'

The house held a scary feeling of emptiness. His hand reached for the switch and turned on the light.

The things that happened next to him was total chaos, total darkness.

Because when he awoke, he was in front of Hyde's grave. He didn't cry, probably because the tears had lost their way when his heart was dead. What only existed was the bouquet which lay in his hands, the people by his side who were crying. Ah, everything seemed so empty.

He went away with the crowd, so as not to let his friends worry. But, as the night dawned silently on the earth again, he went back into the cemetery. It had been the same lonely moonlit sky as before. The few stars in the sky lent a deeper feeling of sadness instead of the happiness when Hyde was there.

A white bird flew down onto the grave; its large eyes seemed to shine with overflowing pain.

"I'm sorry, Hyde..." He finally broke down, and flung himself against the gravestone, tightly hugging his beloved.... ..

***

The feeling of Spring was thin; and there was the rare snow fluttering down.

"Hyde-chan, Tet-chan, we're here to visit you. Ano, so how's life over there?" These were just casual words. Yuki placed the fresh flowers in front of the two gravestones, and gently heaved a sigh.

Silence hung for a while.

"Yuki-chan...... are you cold?"

"No, not cold," Yuki smiled warmly. Gentle fingers were entwined with his smaller hands. "Aa.... Hyde-chan, happy birthday!"

Both of them smiled, and in their eyes, two familliar figures almost existed right then in front of them. Both of them were blissful, and happy.

"Hyde-chan must be very happy this year!"

They left after some time.

A white dove was perched on the tree, gazing down from above, and, another flew from afar towards its lover. It brought with it a blue ribbon, as if wishing its beloved a happy birthday.

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voidmatsumoto@yahoo.co.uk